A Brother's Intuition
by Leah by Michelangelo
Summary: Raphael has a theory and his brothers and father basically shoot it down, but the hothead's instincts are assuring him that he's right. Along the way to prove himself to his family, Raphael faces countless perils, old enemies, and possibly even a budding friendship. This is a fic about the temperamental turtle and his individual growth on his journey towards understanding.
1. Long Shadows

**Okay, so I'm not a big fan of the 2014 TMNT movie, but I had an idea that would really only fit in the 2014 verse, so here goes nothing. Basically this takes place after the events of the movie (about a year after actually). Raphael has a theory and his brothers and father basically shoot it down, but the hothead's instincts are assuring him that he's right. Along the way to prove himself to his family, Raphael faces countless perils, old enemies, and possibly even a budding friendship. This is a fic about the temperamental turtle and his individual growth on his journey towards understanding and openness.**

* * *

 **Ch. 1-Long Shadows**

It had been close to a year since the turtles had defeated Shredder and things were going well. At least…most things were. For some reason, things had changed between the brothers after Raphael's confession last year when they had supposedly been 'about to die.' The hothead still treated them the same, but it was the way **they** treated **him** that held a subtle change. It was barely noticeable. In fact, Raphael himself hadn't even realized that things had changed until a couple weeks ago, yet upon thinking back he had realized that the difference had been gradually growing over time. It was extremely subtle, but it did exist. Each of his brothers showed the change differently, for example, Donatello was much more laid back with his criticisms of Raph's shortcomings in mental capacity. Mikey was goofy, that hadn't changed, but it did seem as though he was trying a lot harder to spend time with Raphael. Of course, they had always been rather close and spent a lot of time together, but it seemed to Raph that now Mikey was going out of his way to hang out with him.

And then, there was Leonardo. Fucking big brother Leonardo. God, Raphael was so fed up with big brother Leo and his stupid-ass questions that were so hard to answer. Questions Raph was absolutely sick and tired of hearing. Questions like: Are you okay?

What the shell was that supposed to mean? Did it look like there was something wrong with him? And what was up with Leo's other favorite phrase: Wanna train? We could do some one-on-one.

Perhaps Leo was also just trying to spend more time with his hotheaded sibling but the problem was that Raph needed to separate himself from his brothers. He really didn't like it when they got too close to him. And this strange shift had really put him out of his comfort zone.

Raph had gone through life believing that his brothers were far better and had greater potential than he himself did, and he had accepted that. For years he had feared that one day they would no longer even need his sorry ass around and that he would become more of a burden than a brother. As such, he had made up his mind long ago that as soon as that day came, he would leave. That was why he couldn't let them get too close. Because the closer they got the harder it would be for him when that moment finally came.

Raphael pulled out of his thoughts as a figure approached him. His green eyes glanced at the feet of the person in front of him and moved slowly upward till was staring directly into a contemplative blue gaze. "What do you want, Fearless?" He asked.

Leo glared at the nickname and Raphael smirked. Raph ignored the glare and motioned his brother to sit beside him on the couch. Leo didn't answer the question and Raphael didn't prod him any further. They sat in silence for a few moments. Then, a familiar feeling washed over Raph and somehow he knew exactly what words were about to come out of his older brother's mouth. _Wanna train? We could do some one-on-one._

"Wanna train? We could do some one-on-one."

 _Totally called it,_ Raph thought to himself. He growled slightly at Leo's proposal, but the brief hurt look that flashed in Leo's eyes made him cave to the pressure. "Fine." He stated, pushing himself up off the couch. Just as he was about to start walking towards the dojo a hand caught his wrist, making him tense. Raph wasn't really a hands-on type of guy, but he did his best to put up with his brothers' constant bouts of physical contact. Green eyes shifted to Leo as Raph turned back around. The older turtle's expression was guarded and unreadable.

"We don't have to if you don't want to. I'm not trying to force you into it." Leo said flatly.

Raph mulled that statement over for a moment. Truth was Raphael loved training, problem was, he didn't like training with _**Leo.**_ And especially not one-on-one. Sure, he liked contending against his older brother, sibling rivalry and all that, but that wasn't really the issue here. See, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how good he was, Leo always made him feel like shit. Not that Leo meant to…well sometimes he meant to, but most of the time he didn't mean to. But it was times like these, those casual one-on-one sparring matches, where it really hurt the most. Times when Leo wasn't even trying to be better than him, but he just was. Times like that burned through Raph's thick outer skin and burned right into his heart. Moments like those made him feel even more inferior than he already was. So as long as Leonardo wasn't insistent, Raphael was more than happy to decline his older brother's offer.

When Raphael made no reply, Leonardo frowned. The green-eyed turtle had zoned-out and was currently staring blankly into space. Something was bothering Raphael. Had been for a while now. And Leo really wanted to know what.

For the past year, things had really been going well between the eldest and his immediate younger brother. Leo felt that Raph's confession had really struck down the wall that had previously stood between them. That confession allowed Leo to his red-masked brother in a whole new light. Instead of seeing only the mean, rough exterior, the ninja leader could now see into the soft inner core that Raph never openly displayed.

Truth be told, Leo had been trying to get past Raphael's outer layer since they were thirteen, and by the time they turned sixteen he had just about given up and accepted that Raph was just a big bully, inside and out. But now, Leonardo was closer to Raphael than he ever could have hoped he would be. He felt he'd gained enough insight into his younger brother to know when the hothead was upset. And Raph had been 'upset' for a while now.

The key lay in the hothead's social behavior. Not that Raphael was particularly social to begin with, but what the heck. When Raph was upset he would stare into space for long periods of time with a concentration Leonardo wished the hothead could apply to his training. Not only that, but when he was engaged in a conversation, he was even more prickly than usual. It seemed to Leo that the red-masked turtle fell even deeper into his anger when he was upset.

Still, Leo had sense enough to know that Raph wouldn't want to be bombarded by any further questions. (He had made that mistake often enough in the past, and it never ended well.) "Well then, what would you like to do?" The leader asked.

Raph's smirk told Leo that whatever Raph had in mind, he wasn't going to like it. The elder turtle stiffened in apprehension.

The smirk only grew wider. "Let's go topside."

Leo relaxed. That wasn't as bad as what he had expected, but he still didn't like it. Sensei, Donnie and Mikey were still out on a supplies run. They didn't need very much, so Raph and Leo had opted out. The reason Leonardo disapproved of Raphael's idea was primarily because the others could get back at any minute and if they got caught…let's just say it would be bad. And somehow every time Leo acted on one of Raph's ideas he ended up in the hashi. "No." He decided.

Raph glared at his older brother. But Leo's refusal only made him more determined. "Well I'm going, with or without you. Just think what Sensei will do to ya when he finds I'm topside alone."

Leo sighed and rolled his eyes. Sometimes Raphael really was impossible. He just sometimes wished his brother didn't know exactly how to manipulate him into doing things like this. But for some reason Raphael always knew what to say when it came to getting the leader to agree to something he already said 'no' to. "Ugh. You know I can't just let you go up alone. Sensei will kill me."

Raph's smile was rather unsettling, "I knew you wouldn't disappoint. You won't regret this."

Leonardo sighed again, "I already am."

Raph put an arm around Leo's shoulders, purposely making the older turtle even more uncomfortable, "Don't worry, big bro, we're gonna have some serious fun."

"Well your idea fun is seriously twisted." He glared at a Raph a moment and then asked, "What if Sensei gets home before us?"

"Sensei said when we go topside we have to be in pairs." He shrugged, "Besides when he left he didn't say we **couldn't** go out."

Leo face-palmed. "If you always bend what Sensei says, you'll never learn."

"Maybe I like learning the hard way."

Leo rolled his eyes and headed to the dojo for his katanas. Raph followed a few paces behind. Leo went over to the weapons rack, grabbed the katanas and sheathed them. Raph loomed over his shoulder and Leo handed his younger brother his sais. Raphael spun the weapons lightly and then sheathed them. Leonardo glanced curiously at the younger turtle.

Raph glared, "What?!" He asked frustratedly.

"Why do you always do that little flourish before you put your weapons away?"

All the leader got was a bland stare and the rather impertinent reply, "What, like you don't?"

Leo's eye-ridges furrowed in thought as he realized Raph was right. All of them had a little habit of showing off their weapons as they armed themselves. "Well, I guess I do, but yours is so complicated."

For a brief moment Raph's facial expression was a mixture of confusion, annoyance and amusement. It wasn't long before the amusement overshadowed everything else and the hothead smiled. The smile melted into his signature smirk. "Actually, it's the easiest move in the book."

Leo raised an eye-ridge skeptically.

Raph raised an hand, "Hey, I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't the truth. Now quit stallin' and let's get out of here 'fore Sensei and the others get back."

"And what do you suppose they're going to think when they come back to find us gone?" Leo asked.

Raph smirked yet again. "I'll take care of that." He went out into the main room and managed to dig out an old pizza receipt he could write on.

 _Went out. Be back soon, don't worry. Won't be gone long, need fresh air. –R &L_

"Well, that takes care of that." he stated, handing it to his older brother.

Leo read it and handed it back to Raph. "I don't know about this…What if they don't find it?"

Raph stared at him dryly. "What's the first thing Mikey does whenever he gets back to the lair?"

"Eats leftover pizza, if there is any."

"And there's some on the counter from earlier today. So this," he pointed to the note, "is going right on top of the pizza box where Mikey will find it."

"But can we really count on Mikey?"

"You wanna try and predict Donnie and Sensei?" Raph countered.

Leo's eyes darkened with understanding and acceptance. "Good point."

* * *

When they reached the surface the younger turtle took the lead. "Come on Leo! You're slower than a turtle!"

"Haha very funny." Leo countered dryly. He was being slow for a reason. Raphael was headed straight for the seediest part of New York City. "Raph, are you sure about this?"

Raphael chuckled. "Relax, bro. Just trust me."

Leonardo wasn't certain he liked the gleam in Raph's eyes, but he humored the younger turtle and kept his mouth shut.

Some loud yelling made Raphael glance down into an alley slightly off their beaten path. Leo joined him at the edge of the building above and they both froze in their tracks. _Were those…Foot soldiers?_

Raph drew his sais and was prepared to jump down when he felt Leo's hand on his shoulder. He growled. Raph hated when Leo did that. It sucked. Not only that, but it really ruined the vibe. "Why do ya always do that? I hate it when you do that!"

"Well, cool off, Hothead, and think this through! Those guys out-number us at least ten-to-one."

"So what? I can still kick their asses!"

There was more shouting from below. Raphael ignored his older brother's warnings and jumped down onto the fire escape below. Even though Raph had disobeyed Leo's 'orders' he was still cautious and pulled back into the shadows where he could hear more of what was being said. Less than thirty seconds after he began to eavesdrop, Raph decided that whatever was going on, he didn't like it.

"Get those parts together!" One of them, obviously the head man of the operation, yelled. "He wants these parts tonight. Anyone who slows us down or doesn't do their job right gets shot. Now get moving!"

Raph glared. He had a pretty good hunch as to just who this 'he' was. But he sure as hell wasn't gonna wait around to find out. Raph wanted answers and he wanted them now.

The red-masked turtle jumped down into the middle of the alley. Everything froze. He stared at the Foot and they stared back at him. He narrowed his eyes and the sound of shots rang through the air. Raph paid the guns no heed. He was bulletproof, after all.

The hothead took the first wave out easily, then turned his attention towards the guy in charge. The six-foot talking turtle pinned his quarry with one well-aimed kick. "So who's the guy who wants these parts so badly? Huh?" He snarled imposingly, in his best 'batman' voice.

The next thing Raph knew, there was a soft click from directly behind his head, followed by the ominous feel of a gun barrel being pressed against the back of his head. Raph froze. He knew his shell was bullet proof, but somehow he didn't think his head was. And definitely not at this close range.

There was the sound of swift movement and gunshots. Raphael opened his eyes once it all ceased, not remembering that he had even closed them in the first place. What he saw astonished him. It really shouldn't have, but it did. The guy Raph had pinned had managed to slip away in all the commotion only to be pinned by Leonardo.

The eldest turtle held his katanas menacingly to the man's throat. But that wasn't what had surprised Raphael. What surprised him was the expression on his older brother's normally cool and collected face. Leo's bright blue eyes were cold and icy, yet burned with such a fierce look of pure and absolute rage that Raphael couldn't help but stare. He had never seen Leo so angry.

Leonardo hoisted the man to his feet and shoved him backwards violently, snatching him back up again like an angry bird of prey. Leo's cool rage drained from his eyes so quickly Raph wondered if it had all been a mirage. But when the anger resurfaced in Leo's voice, Raph knew he hadn't been mistaken. Leo was livid. "Go." The eldest turtle growled lowly as he threw the man onto the ground. The man stared disbelievingly. "Go before I kill you."

The man paled and Raphael shuddered. He'd heard his older brother make threats before, but they had never been that cold or drop-dead serious. The man scrambled away and signaled the Foot soldiers to retreat. As soon as they were gone, Leo's ire turned to his younger brother.

Raph opened his mouth to say something, but Leo silenced him by holding up a hand. "Not a word." The eldest stated. "We're going home, now."

Raphael didn't dare argue. He already had no doubt that Leo would tell Sensei everything, and as soon as he did, Raph's nightlife was over. It was back to the hashi.

But on the inside, Raphael was still pondering what the Foot soldiers had been up to. _I will get to the bottom of this._ He vowed to himself.

* * *

 **Well, what do you think? Should I continue? Review please!**


	2. Black Sheep

**A big thank you to those who reviewed this fic! Here's chapter two. This is my first fic for the 2014 TMNT, so I'm still getting used to it. I was originally going to put this in one of my other fics, Brotherly Blunders, which is a collection of one-shots about the turtles, but I've written (handwritten) four chapters of this story so far, so I decided it needed to be on its own. Also it didn't really fit with the rest of the Brotherly Blunders fics. It's a little too different. So I'll stop boring you now and get on with chapter 2.**

 **I hadn't intended this chapter to be so…I don't really know what word to use…I wouldn't exactly say heart-wrenching, but it definitely stirs up emotional responses. Especially the second part. At least to me it does. Poor Raph.**

* * *

 **Ch. 2-Black Sheep**

The air was dank and still as the two eldest turtles made their way through the sewers. It was so silent that Raphael could hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears. The two of them hadn't spoken a word since earlier. Finally a sigh broke the silence. Raph looked up and tentatively began to construct what he wanted to say. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done and eventually he just settled for a quiet "I'm sorry."

Leonardo just stared at him as they came to a complete halt. "You're sorry?" the eldest parroted disbelievingly. "You're sorry? They could have **killed** you! You could have **died**! All you can say is 'sorry'?" Leo rubbed his temples in frustration. "Raphael, I know that you're willing to take more risks than the rest of us, but if you ever do something that stupid again I'll strangle you myself!"

Raph stared quietly, trying not to incite his older brother any further. After a brief moment he spoke quietly, "Thanks. I mean…you know, for saving my life back there."

"I'm your brother. I'd do the same for any of you. You know I would." Leonardo replied automatically.

"I know. That's why I'm thanking you." Raph stated as he took a seat against the wall of the tunnel. Leo joined him and they stared up through the grates above to a dark, star-speckled sky overhead.

"You really scared me Raph." Leo whispered, sounding very unlike his confident leader-like self.

Raph sputtered for a moment. Then he smiled. "No you weren't, Fearless."

Leonardo glared at his younger sibling. What would it take to get it through Raphael's thick skull? They cared about him. More than the numb-skull realized. He dealt the hothead a very intense stare. "I mean it, Raph. They could have shot you. You could have been…" His voice faltered.

Raphael spoke up, "I know, bro. But I wasn't. You were there for me."

"But what if next time…"

"Next time," Raph scoffed, "Next time is next time. No sense worrying 'bout it now." The silence returned briefly before Raph went on, "I already said what needs to be said. Let's leave it at that."

Leonardo nodded and stood. Raph held out a hand and Leo hoisted his younger brother up off the ground. As soon as Raph was standing, his older brother pulled the muscular turtle into a one-sided hug. Raph stiffened and pulled away. "Come on. We have to tell Sensei about what happened. And don't worry, I'll make sure he knows it was my fault."

"No, I'm eldest, I'm responsible."

"Just let me handle it this time, bro. I got this."

Leonardo realized that there was absolutely no way Leonardo could argue with Raphael, if the look in his eyes was any indication. For a moment, it seemed to the eldest that his younger brother already had a theory as to what the Foot were up to. And Leo couldn't help but wonder what it was.

* * *

"But Sensei, I'm telling you Shredder can't be dead! If he's dead, why do the Foot need those kinds of mechanical parts? And who would they work for other than Shredder? Sensei, it has to be him!"

"Raphael, you are making assumptions on pure speculation. They are an overreaction created by your desire to protect your family. Such a response is overall understandable. I know you are angry, my son, but going off on a crusade against the remaining members of the Foot Clan will not accomplish anything!"

"Did you even hear a word I just said?! Shredder's out there somewhere!"

"Raphael! I will not allow you to address me in that tone of voice!" Splinter yelled, his eyes narrowed with anger.

Raph bristled with anger and retorted angrily, "What are you going to do about it?"

The old rat lashed out and struck his second son across the face with a slap that echoed through the room. Raphael slowly reached up to touch the burning side of his face where his father's hand had made impact. When he pulled it away, there was blood on it. Green eyes lingered on his hand until, finally, Raph glanced up and met his father's gaze.

Splinter saw the bleeding cut the side of his son's face and he examined his hand. Ah, his ring. He had forgotten he had it on. It was old and bore the mark of an ancient Japanese clan that had once battled the Shredder, but that was a story for another time. The rat realized that there was blood on the silver surface. He stared back up at Raphael and reached out, but the young turtle recoiled violently.

"Don't touch me." Raph growled, backing away until he reached the other side of the room. His hard green eyes glanced over at his brothers, "You don't believe me either, do you? Why should you? I'm just the stupid hothead, the family screw-up. Nothing I say matters, right?" No one said anything. Raph's teeth clenched. He felt as though the cold hand of truth had gripped his heart and crushed it into powder. Not that it mattered much. That was pretty much how he'd felt his entire life. For the millionth time the turtle inwardly wished that he didn't love his family so friggin much. Because if he didn't, all this pointless hurt would have ended ages ago.

"No." A barely audible voice stated.

Raphael stared. Leo…?

"No, it's not right. You shouldn't feel that way." Leonardo stated, his sheer certainty making Raph hope that maybe, just maybe Leo finally understood.

The red-masked turned away from them and muttered. "I've felt that way for as long as I can remember. Nothing's gonna change now, Leo."

"What makes you say that?" He asked. And just like that he had turned it into a private conversation between the two of them. Raphael no longer cared about the others in the room. As much as he tried to deny it, Raph wanted his older brother to understand.

"Do you believe me?" he asked softly.

Leo took a little bit of time to answer. Finally he stated slowly, "Well, I think that maybe you're letting your emotions—"

That was it. Raph's control broke. "There! You see! You don't understand. You never will! I gave you a chance to. But all you guys ever do is shoot me down. Nothing **ever** changes." He said fiercely growled furiously and stormed down the hall to his room, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Raphael didn't join them for dinner. Even when Mikey sat outside the door vowing that he would sing endlessly until Raph came out, the red-masked turtle did not show his face.

Master Splinter did not eat. Instead he stared off into space. He had never struck one of his sons in such a way before. Guilt ate away at his heart and be began to regret the way he had treated his second son. Finally, after much deliberation he stood and headed down the hall. The old rat was so focused that he paid no heed to the three pairs of eyes that followed him closely as he went. He knocked softly, but when he received no answer, Splinter opened the door and entered cautiously.

Raphael sat on the bed, his carapace to the door. Splinter's deep brown eyes studied the way his shoulders heaved. His breathing was labored.

The rat's eyebrows furrowed. He went around the bed, his eyes examining his son from the front.

The whites of Raphael's eyes were bloodshot. The right side of his face from the cheek bone to the chin was covered in blood from the cut that had dried there. Bright green eyes stared blankly at the wall in front of him. As the old rat stole a quick glance in the wall's general direction he realized there were small blood stains on its surface. Splinter's gaze slowly traveled downwards to Raphael's hands. They were covered in shallow cuts and scrapes, fresh blood oozing slowly from the abrasions.

Splinter said nothing, but instead went over to his son's dresser and quickly located the bandages that Raphael kept in the top drawer. He had a seat beside Raphael and began tenderly dressing the light wounds on his son's hands. Still, there was only silence.

Raphael said nothing, all the while avoiding eye-contact. Finally, after a long moment, his dulled, green gaze glanced down, watching emotionlessly as his father tended his wounds.

After he finished with Raphael's hands, Splinter licked his handkerchief and was about to try and wipe some of the dried blood off his son's face, but Raph turned his head away. "Raphael," the fatherly rat began sternly, but his son cut him off.

"Why is it always me?" The red-masked turtle said, his gruff voice sounding resentful, the resentment brought about by hurt.

Splinter reached forward, once more trying to clean he wound on Raph's face. A huge emerald green hand caught his wrist in a death grip, and at long last they made eye contact.

"Answer the question." Raphael growled.

The old rat had frequently witnessed Raphael's bouts of anger and flares of temper, but never had he seen such hostility in those sensitive green orbs.

Sensei chose his words carefully, "Because you are the one who makes it so." He stated calmly.

Raph broke eye contact and shoved his father's hand away, turning his carapace to the old rat that had raised him. "Get out." He growled. But this time, his anger was only a defensive reflex, an outer sheath to hide his hurt.

"It is no fault of your own, my son. You are…"

"I said get out!" Raph repeated more forcefully.

Splinter's eyes dulled sadly as he pulled away. He placed a gentle hand on his temperamental son's shoulder softly before turning and leaving the room.

* * *

Hours later, Raphael sat alone surrounded by silence. Dulled eyes glanced at the clock. It was almost one in the morning. Good.

 _So they don't believe me because they think I'm overreacting. They think I'm just too emotional. I'm just too unreliable. I'm the black sheep. So, I'm the one who makes things difficult, huh? Well I'll go out there, prove I'm right and_ _ **then**_ _we'll see just who was making things difficult! Black sheep or no, I'm a part of this family. And I sure as shell am not gonna let them bring me down again!_

The huge red-masked turtle snuck silently into the dojo and retrieved his sais.

 _I may not know where Shredhead is hiding, but I'll find out. And I'll do it on my own. Nothing is gonna get in my way. This begins now._

* * *

 **Review please! For those of you that I have heard from thank you very much for your support of this fic! It's pretty hard for me to write in this verse, but I'm learning. Tell me how you liked it! Does it live up to expectations?**


	3. Frienemy

**Literally just wrote this. It's short, I know, but I had to divide it from the next chapter because next chapter some crazy shit happens. This chapter is very laid back compared to the rest of them. Here we get to see Raph being Raph. And Casey being Casey. Cause I had to bring him in sometime. Remember that mention of new friendships in the summary? Hence, Casey Jones. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 3-Friend, Enemy, or Frienemy?**

The first place Raphael decided to search for Foot activity was the docks. Even if the Foot weren't there, it was a good place to find troublemakers. Fortunately for the hotheaded turtle, it turned out he'd managed to find exactly what he was looking for. The six foot talking turtle ducked behind some crates for a few moments to sort out a plan of action and prepare for a fight. Just as he was about to stealthily drop in on the Foot, he was rudely interrupted by a harsh battle cry. Raph stared as a human jumped down and began beating the crap out of the Foot punks with a hockey stick.

 _Who the shell is that?_ Raphael thought to himself as he watched the guy fight. _He's not bad…_

At a brief moment during the fight, the man looked up and over to the shadows in which Raphael was concealed.

 _Shit! I can't let him see me!_ Raph thought as he drew further back into the shadows.

The mysterious human was wearing a hockey mask, and on his back was more sports equipment, namely, a baseball bat, a golf club and was that…a cricket bat? Shit, he'd never seen one of those in person before.

Raphael was about to leave the hockey-masked vigilante to take care of things on his own when a Foot soldier began to come up from behind the human. Hockey mask was already dealing with three Foot Soldiers in front of him. He wouldn't notice the other one until it was too late. Raph acted on pure instinct. He dropped down onto them, striking the Foot soldier down from above with a flip and a back kick before melting back into the shadows.

The vigilante was taking down the three Foot in front of them, when he heard a shuffle behind him. The human whipped around in time to see another Foot soldier, one he hadn't realized was there, fall to the ground like a sack of bricks.

Dark eyes narrowed. "Whoever you are, come out where I can see ya!" He stated with a thick Brooklyn drawl.

Part of Raph was telling him that he should leave now, but part of him, the more mischievous part, whispered that he should have a little fun with this 'vigilante.'

"You don't want to see me." Raph said, giving into his mischievous side.

The hockey mask whipped over towards the shadows Raph was currently concealed in. "Whatsamatta? Ya too scared?"

"No. But you might be." The turtle answered, taking a couple steps into the light.

The eyes beneath the mask widened. The vigilante acted on adrenaline and surged forward, exchanging his hockey stick for the baseball bat.

"Whoa!" Raph yelled, grabbing the bat with one hand. As he examined the bat his eyes widened, "A Jose Canseco bat…Tell me ya didn't pay money for this." The vigilante snarled angrily and Raph went on, "What are these things, like twenty-five years old?"

"Asshole." He growled. The hockey-masked human took advantage of the giant turtle's distracted state to pull the hockey stick out with his other hand and hit the giant mutant with it.

Raph pulled away. "Asshole?! Well this asshole just saved your life you ungrateful twit!"

The vigilante stated, running at the turtle with the baseball bat.

Raphael dodged each swing, "Strike one, strike two, yur out, hotshot!" He said with a smirk as he managed to pull the bat out of the human's grip and throw it off to the side.

"New game, meatball." The human said with a growl, pulling the cricket bat out of his pack. "Cricket."

Before Raphael could react the human managed to get in a good hit that sent him backwards a couple of feet. Which, when you're a six-foot heavy-weight talking turtle, is really saying something. "Not bad for a human. But sadly, you've yet to learn a couple important lessons." Raphael dodged the vigilante's next swing and landed a good, solid kick, sending the human straight into the wall on the other side of the alley.

To his great surprise, the human managed to stand up. The eyes behind the mask stared at the giant turtle as the man wheezed out, "Such as?"

The turtle smirked. He hadn't met many humans. Well, three in total, including this guy. Wait make that five counting Sacs and Saki. But this dude was his favorite so far. This little man had guts. Not that he was that little. They were almost equal in height. But Raph decided he should at least give the vigilante an E for effort and answer his question. "Such as: Never mess with a ninja, dumbass."

The guy chuckled and Raph bristled, "So what's that make you? A Ninja Turtle?"

Raph's eyes narrowed. "Shell, yeah. Ya got a problem with that, punk?"

"Nah, not really." That answer made Raph do a double-take. That wasn't at all what he had expected. The human glanced around at the knocked out, possibly severely injured Foot soldiers and turned to the turtle, "So what did these guys do to you?"

"Tried to kill me. You?" The turtle asked, taking care to avoid giving away any details. Humans were crafty and sly, and should the vigilante betray him, Raph was going to make certain the guy didn't gain anything by it.

The human shrugged, "Anyone who brings pain to others should be taught a lesson."

Raph crossed his arms over his plastron. "Not that way, and not by you."

"What, so you can go stabbing 'em with those…forks of yours, and I ain't supposed to do nothin'?"

Green eyes narrowed, he drew one of his weapons and shook it, "Sais, they're a ninja weapon."

"Whatever you say, Jolly Green Giant."

"Arrgh. Meat sack!"

"Shell-for-brains!"

"Gak-face!"

"Mutant Freak!"

"Oh, I'll get you for that, ya long-haired jerkwad!" Raph yelled as he leaped at the human. They wrestled for a few moments, but Raphael's mutant strength and endurance surpassed that of the vigilante and the human soon found himself pinned by a giant green hunk of turtle.

"Not bad, hosebrain." The human stated. He reached up and offered his hand to the turtle, "Casey Jones."

Raphael stood and offered the human a hand up. "Raphael."

"Nice. Got a last name to go with that, Raphael?"

"Nope." The turtle stated.

There was a brief awkward silence before Casey said, "Cool."

Raphael judged that to the be the end of the conversation and began to head for the rooftop via the fire escape. To his surprise the human followed him. "Why're ya following me, Jones?"

"You do this sort of thing all the time?"

"What?"

"Beat up punks."

"…Yeah." Raph began reluctantly. "Not much else for a giant mutant turtle to do. By the way, if I find out you told anyone about this…" He held out his sai threateningly, "Get the picture?"

"Yeah. Well, since you and I both beat up punks, why don't we work together, that way we can prove who the better of us really is."

"Why?"

"Well, because I want more, not just the petty thieves I'm used to pounding every day. You've got in on the real excitement. I want a piece of that action."

Raphael thought it over quietly for a moment. "Fine, I'm a little shorthanded, I could use some back up and you're a pretty decent fighter. But if you get in my way…"

"Deal." The human stated, offering a hand

The large turtle glared at the hand for a moment, before shaking it and squeezing it roughly as he made eye-contact with the human. "I find out you told anyone about this, I'll kill you." He said lowly, before withdrawing his hand and disappearing into the shadows.

"Nice guy." The human muttered dryly to himself as he went to collect his 'weapons' and headed off. Unbeknownst to him, he was being followed by a giant turtle.

Raphael trailed the human to a quaint little apartment with access to a street and an alley. One glance in the window, and he knew he was in the right place. The room was filled with sport and workout equipment, along with wrestling posters and baseball caps. Seriously, this dude owned some really hard-to-find sports items. Shit, he even had a collection of autographed baseballs from some of Raph's favorite teams!

The vigilante entered the room, took off his mask and threw it on the bed. When he looked up, he saw a giant mutant turtle standing at the window. Seemingly distracted by something in the room. Jones went over to the window and glared at the mutant. He grabbed the window handle and opened it, and since the window opened outward much like a door, he almost knocked the turtle off the fire escape.

"What the hell are you-" Casey began, but the turtle cut him off.

"I was making sure you were keeping your promise. When you look like me you can't be too careful."

"I'll take your word for it, Greenie."

They stood there awkwardly until Raph muttered, "Awesome collection by the way. Some of my favorite teams."

"You a sports fan?" Jones asked, though the answer was already obvious. The human wandered away and came back with two bottles of beer. He handed one to the turtle and murmured, "Peace offering." Jones opened his own beer and began to chug it down.

Raphael contemplated the beer for a long time before he pushed it away. At Casey's curious stare, Raph admitted, "Underage."

The human seemed taken aback by that for a moment. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen." The mutant answered.

Casey spit beer all over the place, including on Raphael, who growled. "Shit!" Jones exclaimed, wiping up as best he could. "You do not look seventeen! No way!"

Raph smirked. "Oh yeah? Well how old are you, forty-three?"

Casey punched him in the arm. Raphael smiled. He'd seen what some of Jones' punches had done to those Foot soldiers. The human was definitely pulling his punches with the giant turtle. What was odd was the Raphael somehow knew Casey would keep his promise. And he sensed this was the beginning of what promised to be a very wild and fun-filled friendship, strange as it may seem.

* * *

 **Please review!**


	4. Fiery Soul

**Okay so, scratch what I said last chapter. I had to get this insert in before the crazy shit, which will now take place in chapter 5. I just felt like I had to get some little Leo Raph and Raph Splinter bonding moments in before we got to the escalation/climax. So, one more chapter today and I'll hopefully have the crazy chapter up tomorrow!**

* * *

 **Ch. 4-A Fiery Soul**

Leonardo woke up at two in the morning with the strange feeling that something was wrong. He sat up and glanced around his room, but nothing was out of place. So he stood and made his way down the hall. That's strange, Raphael's door was open. Raph never left his door open. The eldest knocked lightly, just in case, before he entered to find…absolutely nothing. No Raphael.

Perhaps this would not have rattled him so badly if he hadn't just saved his younger brother from getting shot by a bunch of Foot soldiers. But, given the circumstances he was very much disturbed.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a small apartment, on the South side, Raphael was telling his new 'ally' Casey Jones about his intentions.

"So basically you don't really wanna mess with the small fry, you just want the big fish?" Jones asked, making sure he understood all of this right.

Raph nodded. "Exactly. I just know that Shredder's still out there somewhere and I'm going to track him down."

"And then what? You said he's too strong for you to handle." The human pointed out.

"On my own, yeah. But once I find him, and prove that he is still alive, I can convince my friends to back me up on this."

"And these 'friends' of yours won't give out on you?"

"No way. Once I prove it to them, they'll have no choice but to help us." Raphael stated, then something occurred to him. Jones hadn't said yes. "That is, if you're in."

"I'm the one who said I wanted in on some real action. Fuck, yeah I'm in!"

Raphael smiled. Good. At least he had one person he could count on.

* * *

Leonardo did a thorough search of the lair, just to be certain that he wasn't freaking out for no reason. He found no sight nor sign of Raphael he plopped down on the couch and waited not-so-patiently. Fortunately for him, he only had to wait about half-an-hour.

Raph entered the lair silently. Leo followed the younger turtle as he crept into the dojo to put his sais back on the rack. As soon as they were out in the hall, Leonardo made his presence apparent.

"Raphael!"

Raph literally jumped. "Shell, Leo, don't do that! You wanna wake Sensei?!"

"Shell yeah I wanna wake Sensei, and I'll tell him you've been out all night."

"Aw shut yur lyin mouth I've only been out for two and half hours!" The red-masked turtle retorted angrily. "I needed to sort myself out. Speakin' of that, I shouldn't even be talkin to ya after what you did earlier!"

"What I did?! Try to help you?" Leo asked, exasperatedly. He really couldn't handle Raph's attitude at two-thirty in the morning.

"No, you made me feel like you wanted to understand, but then you turned right around and slapped me in the face!"

"Sensei slapped you in the face!"

Raphael face-palmed, "Figuratively, you piece of high-and-mighty shit! Now leave me the fuck alone! I wanna get some sleep!" the hothead growled, shoving past his brother as he went down the hallway into his room.

* * *

About a week passed and Raphael was still angry at his family members, so he didn't really say much of anything to them. Especially Sensei. Leonardo had the best luck, because he could get Raphael annoyed enough that the hothead had to talk back, but even then, it was little more than profanities and smack talk. And during that entire time there was absolutely no reasoning with the hotheaded turtle.

Then another week passed and all of that changed. It was like a complete character reversal. Well, okay, maybe not complete, but there was definitely improvement. Raph was little less hostile and the grudge seemed to fade. Leonardo suspected something, but he decided he didn't want to ruin Raph's good mood by bombarding his brother with questions.

The cut on Raph's face had healed rapidly, but surprisingly enough, even though it was only a shallow cut, it had left a dark scar. Following their daily training session, Sensei called Raphael over to his side and the hothead obliged reluctantly. Even though Raphael knew his father regretted his actions, he still hadn't really forgiven the old rat for striking him. The second-eldest knelt respectfully in front of his father and realized that this was the closest proximity they'd been in since that day two weeks ago. The old rat reached out and Raph flinched. For a brief moment, the green-eyed turtle caught a flash of hurt and guilt in his father's eyes. Feeling bad, Raph forced himself to remain still as his father ran his fingers over the scar on his right cheek. He let in a sharp intake of breath and his father regarded him curiously.

"It's still sensitive." Raphael stated.

Splinter let out a 'hmm' of contemplation. Then his eyes darkened and he asked, "Will it fade?"

Raph shrugged. "Donatello didn't think so."

Sensei gripped his son's shoulders. "Indeed, fate is cruel. Not only do I have to come to terms with what I have done, but I must forever be reminded of my shortcomings as a father." Splinter chuckled bitterly, which Raphael found deeply unsettling. Then, in a quieter, gentler voice, Splinter murmured. "I'm so sorry, my son."

"Think nothing of it, Father. I deserved it."

The grip on the young turtle's shoulders tightened. "Do not ever think that, my son. You did nothing that could have earned you such treatment from your own father!" then, once more, Splinter spoke quietly, "I never meant to hurt you, my child. I fear that this has changed the relationship between us."

"You'll always be my father, Sensei. I'll always love you for that." Raph admitted quietly.

Splinter let it grow silent before he spoke again. "There was a time, before this occurrence, when you used to call me 'dad' like your brothers. Yet I have not heard it since that fateful night."

Raphael deflated slightly, "I…I was afraid that you resented me. That you no longer thought of me as your son. I felt like I had no right to address you so."

The old rat pulled the turtle to his feet and yanked him into a fond embrace. "No matter what passes between us, Raphael, you will always be my son."

* * *

 **Sorry I'm throwing out all these chapters in one day, but I'm just so excited! Review please!**


	5. When in Rage

**SO, still no craziness quite yet, but we're getting there. I decided to slowly buildup in increments. I just got my first apple computer and I'm trying to figure out how that all works…but for now, I'm sticking with the computer I'm used to.**

 **Also, a review recently brought my attention to something I had left unresolved…the situation between Raphael and his other brothers, namely Michelangelo and Donatello.**

* * *

 **Ch. 5-When in Rage**

It was very late…er…early. It had been two weeks since the night, er, morning, Raph had met Casey. They'd made a lot of progress in their efforts against the Foot. In fact, they had managed to learn that tonight the Foot were planning to rob a technological research facility of some of its most valuable new technologies.

They arrived early and they were able to 'case the joint.' The facility was by no means unprotected and the Foot would undoubtedly encounter difficulty when trying to disarm the encrypted alarm systems.

With little more they could do, the two nighttime vigilantes placed themselves on a rooftop opposite the institute and waited.

Fortunately for them, they didn't have to wait for long. Two vans full of Foot soldiers parked and a large group of them got out. Raphael recognized one of them almost immediately. Huh. He thought that chick had gone down with the rest of Sacs' tower.

One of the Foot Soldiers addressed her as 'Mistress Karai.' She spoke in fast, fluent Japanese, issuing orders to the soldiers.

Casey turned to Raph, "The hell is she saying?"

Raph 'shhed' the human and listened carefully.

" _Be certain to get all the parts required."_ Karai said evenly, " _My Father will not be pleased if the parts do not arrive on time. The suit must be reconstructed."_

The pieces in Raphael's mind slowly fell into place. Of course! She's Shredder's daughter and he wants to reconstruct his suit! He must have survived the fall, even though the suit hadn't!

"Let's get out of here."

"What? Aren't we going to kick Foot butt?"

"Not now. We have all the information we need. The Shredder is still alive."

* * *

Raphael stormed into Casey's tiny little garage that opened onto the alley adjacent to his apartment. Casey had left the door open on purpose in case his strange, new friend had decided to pay him an unexpected visit. That and also the human had been working on bike most of the day. Jones jumped to his feet as Raph knocked the toolbox over in his blind rage. Casey Jones had already had a ridiculously long day, but he patiently waited for the turtle's rage to die down so that he could learn what was wrong.

They had only known each other for a couple weeks now, but their friendship meant a lot to Casey. And somehow, he found that he'd started developing an almost…parental concern for the turtle. The human felt a certain element of responsibility towards Raphael. And it wasn't just because Raph was still barely more than a kid, but also because they were kindred spirits. They thought and acted in very similar ways, and they understood each other. If Raphael wasn't a turtle, they could have been brothers.

As he watched the turtle continue to stalk angrily about the room, Casey realized just how upset his young friend was. He reached out and grabbed one of Raph's hands. He pulled it back as he felt a thick, sticky substance flowing warmly beneath his fingers and on his palm. His dark eyes looked down at his red-stained hand. "Yur bleedin! What the hell were you doin? Beatin' up punks without me?!"

"Punched a wall." Raph muttered, sounding a little ashamed to admit it.

Casey examined the turtle's hand. "How the hell did you manage that without busting a knuckle?"

"I did bust a knuckle. I have a tricky one that gets easily dislocated. I just snap it back into place and keep punching. Done it so many times it hardly even hurts anymore."

Jones' jaw dropped, then he smirked. "You are one messed up piece of shit."

Raph smirked back at him. "Try 'seriously twisted' that what the others say."

"I thought I was the only one who knew about you."

"You are. I just meant…never mind. I'll explain that some other time, it's a long story. You wanna know why I'm so mad?"

Jones pondered for a moment before nodding slowly. They moved over to the table and Casey took a seat.

"Brace yourself and don't do anything stupid." Casey stiffened. Raph allowed the human a brief moment to compose himself before going on. "You know the backup I went out to get? Well they don't believe me. They still insist that Shredder is already dead."

There was a long moment of silence. The six-foot talking turtle literally jumped as Casey's fist slammed against the table with a bang that echoed through the garage. Fiery brown eyes stared directly into Raphael's green ones as he spoke haltingly, his words a deep, low growl. "So no backup."

"None." Raph replied stoically.

"Shit." Casey cursed flatly. "So what are we going to do?"

"Do? We're gonna do it ourselves that's what we're going to do!"

"I thought you said this Shredder dude was too much for us to handle alone."

"You scared, Jones?" the turtle asked as he glared at the human.

Casey glared hotly back at him. "Hell yeah I am. If he's half as good as you say he is I have every right to shit in my pants. And I suppose you're not scared Mr. 'I'm impervious to pain'?"

"Not what?" Raph asked distractedly. He must have gotten lost somewhere in the middle of that exchange. Casey rolled his eyes.

"Not scared, dumbass!" Casey elaborated exasperatedly.

Raphael frowned, "Fuck yeah, I'm scared. But when you're focusing on what needs to be done there's no time for being scared. You lose your focus in a battle with Shredhead and you die. Now that we got that over with, let's go."

A hand caught the back of Raph's carapace as he headed for the door. The turtle stopped and spun 'round to face his comrade.

"Whoa, yur really just gonna go off and do this without backup?"

"Yeah, I'm going. With or without you, Jones. You coming?"

Jones smirked. "Let me get my mask."

Raphael's smirk mirrored his friend's. "Alright, now you're talking!"

* * *

The hockey-masked human and the giant mutant turtle jumped from roof to roof, their movements easy and fluid. Both were conserving there energy for was to come. So far, there was no sign of Foot. That was both good and bad. It was good because it meant that Shredder wouldn't see them coming. But it was bad because it meant that Shredhead would have even more reinforcements to back him up. Raphael's mind moved on to other things…Things he probably shouldn't have been dwelling on. Basically all of what, at any other time and place, he would call 'hypothetical shit.' And 'hypothetical shit' was something that Raphael never bothered himself with. That was more Leo's department. But for some reason, as they ran together in silence, his thoughts began to wander and the turtle wondered: What if things go wrong? What if we lose? Shit, what if we die? What then? What about Leo? And Sensei? What if they never find out what really happened? They'll think I just left. Like I always said I was gonna. What if they don't realize how much I care about them? And if I never get to tell them…

Donatello probably won't care too much. If earlier this evening was any indication. Poor Mikey. _The fact that I'm gone will really hurt the little guy._ Not that Mikey's sensitive or anything but honestly… _I probably would have left this family years ago if it hadn't been for the gentle, unassuming little turtle._ The red-masked turtle's thoughts flew back to earlier that night…

* * *

 **(Flashback)**

Raphael closed the dojo doors softly as he emerged into the main room. He was on his way out. It was very late, past time anyone should be up. He'd just retrieved his sais from the dojo and now he had an appointment to keep. Earlier this evening, Raphael had tried, and failed once again to convince his brothers and father that Shredder was still out there somewhere. That straw finally broke the camel's…er…turtle's shell. If his brothers weren't willing to help him, the hothead was going to take care of this on his own.

Suddenly, a soft shuffle made Raph whip around. Glaring green eyes met a panicked blue stare.

"Raph?!" Mikey asked, jumping back slightly, bumping into Donatello, who stood behind the youngest.

The nerd turtle gave his older brother a flat stare. "What are you doing up?"

"I'm going out." Raph answered evenly, figuring there was no sense coming up with a cover story since Don would see straight through it anyway.

"Does Sensei know that?"

Raphael gave the brainiac a death glare, "If you breath one word, I'll…"

"Save your threats, Raph, we've heard 'em all before." Don stated, raising a hand to silence Raph as he went on, "Go ahead and run. Like you always do. But seriously, if the only way you get attention is by being a selfish, spoilt child, don't expect us to come out looking for you. You've done this one too many times, Raph. And frankly, you don't treat us well enough for us to care much if you leave for good this time."

"Donnie!" Mikey said admonishingly. The youngest turned to Raph with a worried expression on his face. "He doesn't mean anything by it Raph, you know Don, he gets real cranky when he doesn't get his eight hours."

"Save the excuses, little brother. I know what Donatello means. Though I'm not too surprised. Coming from a self-proclaimed genius who fails to take all possibilities into consideration and has never even heard of a thing called 'reasonable doubt.'"

Donnie bristled. "Well, when you get through chasing ghosts, let us know! Then we'll all sleep easier in out beds!"

Raphael threw up his hands. "Alright, I'm outta here."

 _And now…they might never really know the truth. I love you guys._ Raph thought to himself. _I love my brothers and my dad. I just hope they know that._

* * *

 **Review Please!**


	6. Brief Interlude

**So, this is the first thing I've ever typed on this computer, so hopefully all of this works. I don't think I need to give much of a synopsis on this chapter because the title says it all. Here we see Mikey and Don's thoughts concerning Raphael and his behavior**

* * *

 **Ch. 6-A Brief Interlude**

Donatello sat alone in the lab, his pencil held in the customary writing position. He'd had a mind do get a bit of work done this evening, but unfortunately he couldn't get any further than simply pressing the pencil to the paper. Truth be told, he was distracted. The brainy turtle checked the time.

Huh. It had been almost an hour since Raph had left.

After a long discussion, both he and Michelangelo had come to the decision that they would not inform Leonardo or Splinter of Raphael's departure. It would only create more panic and worry than was needed at the moment. After all, if his older brother wanted to go out chasing ghosts, why should the brainiac make any effort to stop him? The hothead was being even more stubborn than usual.

The pencil was slammed down on the table with a loud bang as Donatello shot to his feet.

Michelangelo was right. Donatello hadn't truly meant what he'd said to Raph, in fact, the smart turtle was only trying to get his 'badass' brother to see sense. Which the smart turtle should have known better than to attempt. Getting Raphael to see sense was more hopeless than trying to stop a train with your bare hands.

He sighed in frustration. You see, Donatello was a turtle of facts. Facts and figures. And he knew for a **fact** that a human cannot survive a fall the height of Sacks' tower and just…walk away. In fact, they wouldn't be moving at all. It just wasn't possible.

And yet…somewhere in the back of his mind…that little voice of doubt began to hum. A large, green hand gripped the pencil once more and it met the paper. Images, equations and calculations began to flow furiously from the turtle's brilliant mind. All the factors had to be taken into consideration: the height of the fall, gravity, any debris or breakers, the force of the body meeting the ground, oh and the wound of course. There. Donatello smiled to himself and the little hum of doubt faded away. Shredder couldn't have survived. The brainy turtle leaned back in his chair with a contented sigh. He closed his eyes.

Less than thirty seconds later he shot back up and reviewed the equation. There was a missing factor. How could he have been so blind?! That was a stupid mistake! He forgot to account for the suit! Which only brought up more questions. Like what material was it made out of? How much padding was there on the inside? Was it designed to help cushion against impacts? Well that had to be a yes, since their blows had barely affected him. But the others…

The pencil once again began to rush across the paper in a frenzy. Big brown eyes darted over the equation trying various possibilities. As he finished each, his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. No matter what combination he tried, as long as he took into account that the suit was braced for hard impacts, there was actually no way to be sure, with no margin of doubt, that Shredder was dead. Which meant…oh no.

Raphael wasn't chasing ghosts. Shredder could still be out there somewhere. But he shouldn't jump to conclusions. Donatello forcefully calmed his breathing rate. For a moment he clenched the pencil lightly between his teeth. He needed to double check these equations, just to make sure.

The brainiac went on, trying to push from his mind the thought that he had wronged his older brother. _I'm doing this to help Raphael. To make up for not believing him before._ He assured himself. _But you'll still have to apologize._ Donatello let out a hum of agreement. He would have to apologize to Raphael as soon as he got home.

But what if… The smart turtle rid his mind of all thoughts along that line as soon as it occurred to him. Raphael could take care of himself. Besides he had no idea where to go looking for Shredder. He probably wouldn't even find him tonight. And despite all of Raph's shortcomings when it came to intelligence, he was definitely had more brains than to go after Shredder alone. The pencil screeched to a halt. _Didn't he?_

Don shook that thought away.

 _Of course he did. Of course he did._

* * *

Michelangelo lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He was thinking about Raphael.

Even though he didn't really show it, Mikey was worried. Everything was rough right now. Mikey wasn't sure whether he believed Raph's theories or not. He wanted to, even if it was only to make Raph feel as though he wasn't alone.

But…how could Shredder have possibly survived? If it had just been the fall…yeah, then Mikey may have been more inclined to believe Raph's story, but since April stabbed him, Shredder could not have survived.

The way Mikey figured, Raphael shouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth, as they say. See, Shredder had been defeated. And, assuming he was dead, as they all believed, well, with the exception of Raph, Shredder's death meant they could once again live in peace. Or as close to peace as they could get.

Besides they had new friends. Human friends. Their life had changed for the better and Raphael, for whatever reasons, was still dwelling in their past life, the life where they had to fight Foot and to protect their family. That was all over now, well they still had to protect their family, but…well it's just… Raphael was just… ugh. The hothead was just too complicated for words.

That was another thing about the humans. They were great friends. April especially. That old guy still hadn't really forgiven them for blowing up his car. Unfortunately, the more April came by the more Raphael withdrew.

And no one really understood why. During the last two weeks Raph had been growing steadily more antsy. As though something was really perturbing him. But he'd also changed in other ways too. When he did interact with them, hothead was a little more open, a little more straight to the point about what was bothering him. Mikey felt as though Leonardo and Donatello had seen it too. But he wasn't certain.

Even though Raph had changed, there was very little interaction between the four of them lately. It seemed as though, Raph was avoiding them all to the best of his ability. Really the only time they were together was during training then Raph would vanished into his room, which had recently become a locked chamber of mystery. No rat nor turtle, other than Raphael, had entered the room in the past two weeks, and their suspicions were certainly aroused.

But unfortunately not much could be done about it. As long as Raphael was there, there was no way for anyone to get in. _But…Raph wasn't here right now_. It occurred to the youngest turtle.

 _So what's to stop me from going in there right now?_

* * *

 **DUH DUH DUH! What do you think Michelangelo will find? I thought about including it in this chapter, but I think it will be more suspenseful if I save it for next chapter. And things should start getting interesting.**


	7. Rule No 1

**SO I just had to finish this chapter! Sorry if it feels a little bit rushed. But honestly, I think this is the best I could have done with it, there's just so much that happens. Including Mikey finding out what is in Raph's room.**

* * *

 **Ch. 7-Rule No. 1**

Michelangelo crept softly down the hall to Raphael's room. He stood outside the door for almost two minutes. For two minutes he pondered whether or not he should really do this, and whether or not he truly wanted to know what secrets lay behind that foreboding door. Slowly the orange-masked turtle reached for the doorknob, looking both ways down the hall.

See, one thing Michelangelo did know, it was rule number one. Whenever you do something someone tells you not to…Rule Number One: Don't get caught.

With no further ado, the youngest of the four turtles entered his older brother's room. It was dark, pitch black in fact, as most of their rooms were without the lights on. Mikey reached over and flipped the switch. Whoa. Raph had redecorated. The bed (an old, broken-down mattress) had been moved from the back wall to the side wall. As he turned his attention towards the back of the room, the youngest saw why. Dude. It was like something out of those detective films. Yarn, strings, pictures, scraps of paper, notes written in a messy scrall. Push-pins in a map in the center. All connected to each other by color-coded pieces of string and yarn. Mikey's bright blue eyes tried to decipher the code.

There were many different colors, but the most substantial were Red, Black and White. There was more black than anything else, but there were points where the red met the black. There was also something else that struck Michelangelo as strange. Each push-pin had a date tag attached to it. Since about two weeks ago, the red and white strings had begun to travel side by side, and though each occasionally deviated, most of the time those two went together. It was odd. Mikey assumed that the red was his red-masked brother. The black was presumably the Foot and the white…the white threw him off. What the hell did the white mean?

Bright blue eyes narrowed. Something strange is going on here. Michelangelo traced the white yarn away from last point on the map and backwards. Every so slowly, Michelangelo worked backwards, noting every instance when the two strings parted. Funny, when they did separate they usually went in opposite directions. Moving even further backwards, to a point about two weeks ago, Mikey found the origin point of the white string. It was a narrow old alley in a bad part of town. Coincidentally, or perhaps it was not a coincidence, the white push-pin that the white string was tied around, had the red string looped around it as well. Something about this whole thing made Michelangelo uneasy. The idea that his brother had been working with someone he'd met on the street…the youngest really didn't know what to think.

The orange-masked turtle glanced at the clock. Ohmygosh! It was almost time for dinner! If he got caught, or if one of his brothers started looking for him…he could end up in trouble. The youngest decided not to tell anyone about this. Not until he'd given Raphael a chance to explain himself. Mikey left as silently as he had come, closing the door tightly behind him.

* * *

It was getting late and still no sign of Shredder. Luckily for Raphael and Casey, they were able to easily locate Karai and her men and had been following her for about an hour. So far they hadn't been spotted. If they were patient the little ants would lead them back to the nest. And straight to their leader. Raph looked back over his shoulder to the human who stood slightly behind him. "How're you holding up?"

"Well if they make me run much longer, I'll be too fucking tired to fight." The human raised an eyebrow inquiringly, "Aren't you tired?"

"Mutant." Raph stated.

Jones apparently wanted more explanation than that because he grumbled something about 'mutants' and their strange abilities.

Raph chuckled quietly at his human friends' expression when he realized that it had gotten quiet. Way too quiet. His green eyes narrowed and he drew his sais. He could feel a change in the air waves. The giant turtle looked down into the alley. Nothing. No movement, no cars, and most importantly no Foot clan. Damn! They'd lost their only lead.

Raph's fists clenched. _Then why do I still feel uneasy?_ The turtle asked himself. Suddenly the feeling became more centered. Green eyes flashed and Raphael whirled around dangerously. "He's here." The six-foot turtle growled lowly.

Casey Jones shot up from his crouched position at the edge of the roof, bearing his hockey mask threateningly. "What? How can you tell?"

"I'm a ninja." He stated, then after a considerable pause he added softly, "I can feel him."

Jones rolled his eyes, "Sure."

Raph's eyes narrowed. "Sh." Everything went silent. It was an uncomfortably chilling silence. Even the human vigilante shuddered as he slowly began to have faith in Raphael's senses.

"Raphael." A deep ominous voice growled.

The turtle turned back towards his companion. "It's him. Whatever you do, don't lose your head." Raph turned away from Casey and glanced around, warily.

The next thing he knew, the six-foot giant turtle felt someone jumping at him from behind, where Casey Jones had been standing. He whipped about and caught the blow before it landed, finding himself face to face with a dark armored figure.

Shredder's suit was different, a little less robotic, and a little more samurai-esque. He had claws that extended dangerously from his gauntlets about seven or eight inches. For some strange reason, despite the lack of tech and difference in size, Raphael found this form ultimately more imposing than the other one. For whatever reason, Shredder's almost can-opener look just felt more threatening, like he could slice open turtle shells with ease. Which of course made Raph feel very ill at ease. He didn't fancy the idea of being made into turtle soup.

"Were you looking for me?"

"No shit." The hothead growled.

"I could still make good use of you." Shredder growled throwing himself at the turtle. Their weapons clashed with a mighty clang. Raphael growled as one body punch after another pounded away at his plastron. "Tell me, where are the other turtles? And the rat?" Raphael growled in response. Shredder slammed him up against a wall. "Where are they?!"

"I will never tell you."

"Are you certain of that?" Shredder drawled menacingly, pressing his blades to Raph's throat. Raphael's deep throaty growl was equally menacing.

A yell re-alerted the turtle to Casey's presence. The human struck at Shredder from behind, jumping at him and swinging as hard as he could with his hockey stick. CRACK! The stick broke in two and Casey was left only with the handle. Shredder glared through his mask at the pitiful human vigilante.

Panic briefly surfaced in Raphael's mind as Shredder released him and went straight for Jones. Casey put up as good a fight as he was able, but Shredder was a ninja. Not only that, but Saki was a ninja with many years of experience. The human was barely able to stay on his feet after taking a couple of really strong blows.

The human didn't stand a chance. Raphael leaped up and came to his friend's aid many times, taking the bulk of Shredder's fearsome blows. Finally, the turtle took one hit too many and when he tried to get up, he found that the world had begun to spin, so he lay back down and waited for his vision to clear. Green eyes briefly registered a sharp, pointy figure rapidly approaching the human. Casey was on guard, but that wasn't going to be enough. Raphael recognized that kata. His sensei used it all the time, and it always ended the sparring match in the old rat's favor. There was only one thing the turtle could think to do. He tossed all regard for his injuries to the wind and threw himself forward, throwing the human to the side. The turtle used himself as a living shield, once again taking a blow for his human friend. Sadly, Raphael also got himself pinned in the process.

Unfortunately, Casey hit his head as he impacted with the ground and briefly lost consciousness. As a result, the human wasn't going to be of much help to the turtle.

The turtle was too disoriented to escape from beneath Shredder's powerful pin. Raph attempted to stab Shredder with his sai, but Saki grabbed the turtle's oversized wrist and managed to worm the weapon out of Raph's grip. There was a flurry of movement and suddenly everything stopped.

The fog in Casey's head cleared just enough for him to realize what was going on, but his body would not respond to the commands of his mind. He still needed a moment to fully regain his senses.

The sai pressed down on the upper left plate of the turtle's plastron. Shredder's fiery gaze glared down into Raphael's. Oroku Saki began to press the sai against his plastron, near the shoulder and Raph grit his teeth as the pressure neared the threshold. There was a soft crack, foreshadowing what Shredder was really capable of.

"Last chance. Tell me where they are." The leader of the Foot Clan commanded.

Raph clenched his teeth and snarled, "Never."

"So be it." Shredder plunged the sai downward, cleaving a lightning-shaped scar in the upper left side of the turtle's plastron. But that wasn't enough to satisfy Oroku Saki. He pressed the blade even deeper until it was buried practically to the hilt.

Raphael bit his tongue so hard he drew blood. He groaned and he writhed, which probably only served to make the wound even worse, but the red-masked turtle would not give Shredder the satisfaction of hearing him scream. Never.

The turtle was so overwhelmed by the pain that he didn't even feel Shredder's blade carving into the skin on his shoulder.

Casey's vision cleared just in time to see Shredder ramming a sai into his mutant friend and something inside of him snapped. But he knew the only way he would be able to help Raphael was by lying low, so he dropped back into the shadows.

Shredder stood and glanced around before he bent over and yanked the sai from Raphael's shoulder. Foot minions joined them on the rooftop and addressed Shredder, "What do you want us to do with him, Master Shredder?"

"Leave him. His wound will bleed out soon enough. He's as good as dead."

"But couldn't we use him to find the other turtles?"

"It is no use. This one will not talk. Just let him die."

"As you command, Master Shredder."

"What about the human?"

Raphael tried to better focus on what was being said. They were talking about Casey.

"He escaped, sir. We tried to stop him, but he evaded us. Do you wish us to go after him?"

Shredder growled. "No. The human is insignificant. Just get me the rest of the parts."

"Yes, as you command, sir."

* * *

By the time Raphael regained consciousness the Foot were gone and Casey Jones was the only human in sight.

"Raph…eh Raph…" Casey said.

Raphael stared up at the human as best as he was able. His vision kept fluctuating between foggy and blurry. "What took you so long, Jones?"

Casey frowned, "I had to make sure they were really gone. How're you doin?"

"I think I've lost a lot of blood, my vision is distorted, my ears are ringing and my body feels like it was beaten to a pulp." Just as he finished with his complaints, his vision blurred and pain from his wound ripped through his entire body. The turtle, without realizing it, reached out, one of his hands grabbing Casey's shirt tightly. Raph grit his teeth. "Shit." He muttered weakly.

Casey Jones put a hand on Raph's uninjured shoulder. He was concerned, very concerned. The rough teenage turtle had somehow become a very important friend to the human, and though he hated to show it, he was really worried. When Jones spoke, his voice was soft and gentle, "Ey, you make sure you survive this, okay?"

Raphael gave Casey a rather confused stare, then he smirked, "What's in it for me?" he asked, jokingly.

Casey smiled easily back at his friend. "I'll give you one of my autographed baseballs."

There was a long moment of silence before Raph whispered, "You mean that?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"If you thought it would give me extra incentive to live? Probably."

Jones rolled his eyes. "You're impossible."

"I know." Raphael stated, as he began to weakly push himself up, avoiding the use of his right shoulder.

"Whoa, where the hell are you going? You're in no condition to—"

"We have to move, otherwise Shredder or his men could come back and find we're still alive." Raph stated. Once he was on his feet, he took a few staggering steps on his own before Casey stepped in and helped him.

The hockey player didn't mind getting a little blood on himself and his equipment. Raphael had saved his life.

They were in the sewers about a mile from the lair. With Casey's help Raph had managed to get this far, but the turtle knew he would have to send Casey home. His brothers, and father, were going to have a difficult enough time coming to terms with what had happened, let alone why there was another human who knew about them, so Raph decided to continue keeping Casey a secret for now.

"Ey Case, stop here."

"What's up?" The human asked as he allowed Raphael to take a seat against the wall of the tunnel.

"Man, you can barely walk by yourself, how the hell are you supposed to get back to wherever it is we're headed?"

Raphael didn't bother answering the question directly. Instead he muttered, "Get my phone out of my belt, will ya?"

Jones did so and then Raph commanded, "Call Leo. He's number one speed dial."

"Who the hell is Leo?" Casey asked as he did what the turtle asked.

"My brother." Raph stated as though it were the most normal thing in the world.

Casey stared in shock for a few moments. The dial tone rang in the background. Haltingly, the human asked, "You sure you'll be okay?"

Raph smirked. "I'll be fine. You go on home, and take care of those injuries!"

Casey Jones reluctantly left his friend sitting in the sewers, hoping with all his heart that Raph's words were the truth.

* * *

 **Review Please! Thanks everybody for reading!:)**


	8. Thicker than Water

**SO here's the next chapter, sorry it took a little longer than I had expected. Enjoy and please review! Thanks for reading.**

* * *

 **Ch. 8-Thicker than Water**

Leonardo's voice rang out from Raph's t-phone. _Good._ The hotheaded turtle thought, internally relieved. Of all his brothers Leonardo was really the only one he wanted to call at this moment. After his disagreement with Donatello earlier, Raphael wasn't too eager to hear the genius' snide comments.

 _"Raphael, where the shell are you?"_ Leo yelled into the phone, making Raph pull it a short distance away from his ear.

"You alone?" He countered, trying to keep his voice level so that his older brother didn't catch on to the fact that he was injured.

 _"What does that matter?"_

"Just come and get me, will ya? I'm just beneath Twelfth and Main, in the sewers. And hurry it up, okay?"

"Wait Raph, why…?"

Click.

Raphael had hung up, leaving his older brother with a plethora of unanswered questions.

* * *

When he arrived at said location, Leonardo found no sight nor sign of his immediate younger brother, which put him completely on edge. Cerulean eyes narrowed suspiciously. Leo cursed under his breath as he lost his footing and made a soft, shuffling noise. A quiet, disembodied voice floated towards him through the darkness, nothing more than an almost inaudible whisper. "Leo, is that you?"

The eldest's muscles relaxed and he let out a relieved sigh. "Yeah, its me. Where the hell are you?" He could see in the dark quite well, but it was absolutely pitch black in the direction Raphael's voice had come from. As far as Leo could tell, Raphael was definitely lurking in the shadows.

"You're staring straight at me." Came the flat, and very Raph-like reply.

"I know you have unusually good eyesight, but this is ridiculous!" Leo stated, his voice relaxed and filled with playful mock-annoyance.

 _He's in a good mood today,_ Raphael thought, _Not for much longer._

Before Raphael could speak, Leonardo spoke up again, "So what's the big idea making me come out here and get you?"

Raph shifted nervously and settled for a rather vague reply, "I didn't think I'd be able to make it back on my own. Now I'm not sure I'll be able to make it home at all." He stated, allowing the weariness and pain of the injury seep into his voice. Raph watched his older brother's relaxed, playful stance vanish as the muscles in the blue-masked turtle's body began to tense.

There was a moment of heavy silence before Leo whispered quietly, his emotions tightly controlled, "How bad?"

"Just promise me one thing."

"Name it." Leo replied without hesitation.

"Don't freak out." Raph said, hoping his brother would accept.

Leo shifted subtly, but the pain in Raph's voice made him agree. "Alright I promise."

Raph stepped into the light slowly, leaning heavily on the wall of the tunnel. Leonardo shot forward and caught Raph as he stumbled. He felt something sticky and wet on his hands. Leo pulled one of his hands away and stared at it. It was covered in blood.

"Leo." Raph whispered, more like whimpered, as everything began to sway.

The older turtle lowered his younger brother to the ground. Thankfully these were old tunnels that hadn't been use in years and they were drier than the rest of the sewers.

Leonardo removed Raph's mask and pressed it against the wound.

"Agh!" Raph said through clenched teeth. Bright green eyes caught the panic in his older brother's gaze. "I thought…I told you…not to freak out." He said in between labored breaths.

"How can I not freak out? I'm trying to be as calm as I can about this." The oldest turtle stated, his heart clenching with worry.

Raph moved his hand away from the bloody wound on his shoulder and pressed it to Leo's shoulder smearing blood on the older turtle's plastron.

The bleeding wasn't slowing so Leo pressed a little harder. Raphael hissed and jerked away, "What the shell, Leo!"

"I'm sorry." The eldest murmured, maintaining the pressure even as his brother struggled.

Raph's breathing became slow and even more labored. "Leo…" The wounded turtle gripped his brother's shoulder, smearing even more blood on Leo's plastron. But the eldest couldn't bring himself to care. The only thing that mattered was his brother. Raph pulled Leonardo close and whispered into his ear. "Leo…what I said before…"

Leo gave Raph a confused stare and it became apparent that he wasn't certain what the hothead was talking about.

So Raphael elaborated, "My confession at Sacks' tower. It still stands. I care about you guys. "

Dark blue eyes softened as he stared into his younger brother's half-lidded green gaze. "I know." The atmosphere had grown thick and heavy, weighing on Leo's heart. The eldest hastily changed the subject. "Listen, I'm gonna call Donnie. Are you wounded anywhere else?"

Raphael shook his head and Leo nodded. The ninja leader did his best to keep pressure on the wound with one hand while he reached for his t-phone with the other. He was getting blood everywhere, but again, that hardly mattered at this point. He pressed the number two speed dial. It rang three times before Donatello answered it.

 _"Hmm? Sup Leo?"_ Came a rather distracted sounding voice.

"Donnie, I need you to get your medical supplies and meet me in the sewers below Twelfth and Main."

 _"Sorry Leo, I'm right in the middle of something…"_

Leonardo couldn't believe Donatello's response. "Donatello just get over here, NOW! Raphael's hurt."

Don must have knocked something down because the sound of breaking glass was heard followed by a soft, _"I'm on my way."_

Leo looked down at Raph, worriedly. None of them had ever been injured this badly before. The worst injury that any of them had ever suffered was when Raphael had gotten his shell cracked by Shredder. Leonardo just hoped that Donatello could handle an injury like this. The eldest returned to his younger brother's side and found that the mask had been soaked with blood and the bleeding had barely slowed.

* * *

Donatello arrived with Michelangelo close on his heels. When they set eyes on Raphael and Leonardo they screeched to a complete and utter halt. Mikey couldn't pull his eyes off of the blood on the both of them. Their hesitation lasted only a few seconds before both turtles shot to their injured brother's side. Donatello immediately began examining Raphael's wound. Leonardo stood and backed off a little so that his smart brother could care for Raph's injuries.

Michelangelo went around to the other side so that he could aid Don if need be. The youngest was certainly not fond of the sight of blood. Especially when it was one of his brothers who was bleeding.

Raphael's tired eyes looked up as Leo pulled away and found himself staring at his immediate younger brother. Donatello hadn't looked him in the eyes. Which meant that his injuries were very serious and required very close and immediate inspection. Half-lidded green eyes glanced about for Leonardo and ended up landing on a figure he hadn't expected to see.

"What the shell is Mikey doin' here?" He asked weakly.

That got Donatello's attention. The brainiac sighed. "Never mind that now. You need to listen to me, Raphael. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand Don. You don't have to baby me, either. I know it's bad. It hurts like shell."

"I'm sure it does. Listen. You've lost a lot of blood, and if you lose too much more you'll lose consciousness."

"Get Mikey out of here." Raph stated weakly.

The youngest looked down at his brother with worried and sad eyes. "Why?"

"I don't want you to see this. You don't like blood." He stated matter-of-factly.

"No way I'm leaving Raph. I want to be with you. Especially since you're hurt." Mikey replied softly, placing a gentle hand on Raph's forehead, which the hothead quickly shook off. Huh, some things never change. Suddenly Donatello turned to Leonardo, "Leo, you better go back to the lair and tell Sensei what's going on. He needs to know."

"Why me?" The eldest asked, reluctant to leave, even though he knew Raph was in good hands.

"You know Mikey wouldn't be able to tell Sensei what happened in any understandable manner. And I need to start stitching him up right away. Just go. He'll be fine, I promise. Just go. You need to do this for our father."

Leo nodded slowly. He approached Raphael and crouched by Michelangelo. Raph looked up at him and Leo stared down into the cloudy green eyes of his younger brother. "Hang in there." The eldest whispered.

Raph smiled weakly, "Trust me, I'm hanging."

Leo smiled back and softly squeezed Raph's good shoulder before he pulled away and headed down the tunnel towards the lair.

* * *

 **(Leo's POV)**

I entered the lair noisily, purposely trying to draw my Father out of the dojo. "SENSEI!" I yelled, receiving no answer. "SENSEI!" The second time I heard feet running from the dojo. Splinter entered the main room

There was terror in Sensei's eyes as he beheld the blood spattered across my plastron and hands. He gripped my shoulder then cupped my face softly as his other hand felt for injuries. I stilled his hand and stated calmly, "It's not mine, father"

His wise brown gaze searched mine for a brief moment. "Who?" He asked, quietly.

He didn't need to elaborate. I knew he could already sense that something was horribly wrong. He had already caught a glimpse of the panic in my eyes.

When I failed to answer, Sensei's eyes dimmed slightly and he gripped me forcefully by the shoulders. "Answer me!"

"It's Raph's."

Sensei's eyes drained of their usual light. I stared. I don't think I've ever seen my father look so terrified in my entire life.

"Take me to him."

"Donatello is with him and Michelangelo. They're taking care of him." I said, in an attempt to keep father at the lair where it was safe.

I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of my Father's fury. I took a step back. He took an even more imposing step forward. "Leonardo, take me to my son. Now!"

I nodded. There was nothing I could say or do that would dissuade him from his choice of action.

* * *

When we got to Raphael's side, Dad's expression was unreadable. He rushed over and looked down at Don as he worked. Don glanced up with peripherals and realized someone was there, but he assumed it was me. "Leo, please back off there's nothing you can do right now but wait patiently." When he glanced up, he realized his mistake. "Dad, I..."

"What is his status, Donatello?" Sensei asked, as he focused solely on Raphael.

I noted that Raph was now unconscious, but I didn't know whether that meant Don had induced it or Raph had passed out from the blood loss.

Donatello took a few moments to compose his answer. "It's pretty bad, Sensei. He's lost a lot of blood. I cleaned the wound and sewed it up, but I need to put him on an IV drip to provide minerals to stimulate regeneration of blood cells. I need to examine his body for possible internal injuries as well since whoever he was fighting really did a number on him. His breathing is rough, so I should also put a respirator on him until his condition improves."

"But he will recover?"

Don nodded. "He should be just fine."

Sensei sighed in relief, then looked past Donnie to Raph. "May I?"

Don stared for a moment before he understood what Father was asking. "Oh, of course!" He said, stepping aside.

Sensei took Don's place at Raph's side and took stock of the injuries. His eyes glowed with anger as he growled, "Who did this?"

I suddenly found all eyes turned to me. I blinked blankly back at them. "What?"

"You're the one who found him, Leo." Don stated. "What did he say?"

"He called me here, Donnie. And he didn't tell me anything other than he'd been injured."

The injured turtle began to stir. Sensei knelt beside the red-masked turtle and murmured softly, "Raphael, can you hear me?"

A low whine came out of the turtle on the ground and his eyes fluttered open briefly. "Daddy?" He muttered weakly.

We were now even more concerned than before. Raphael hadn't called Sensei Daddy in years. Shell, he hadn't called Splinter Dad in…a really long time.

The old rat pressed his forehead against his son's and ran a soft comforting hand down the side of Raphael's face. "Hush now, my son."

Raph shook his head emphatically and tried to push himself up. Thankfully, Splinter was able to restrain the large turtle in his weakened state.

"Sensei, nuh! You've gotta let me go. He's gonna destroy the city! Kill innocent people! I have to stop him!"

"Who is?" I asked.

Bright green eyes hardened and Raph whispered, "Shredder."

We stared blankly at him. Splinter only nodded. Which made me partly curious. Why was Sensei not surprised?

"It's the truth! I've seen him! Who the hell do you think did this?!" Raph said, gesturing towards his injuries.

Sensei's eyes narrowed.

"Aw, come on. What is it gonna take for you to believe me?!"

Sensei placed a soft hand on his second son's shoulder. "Fear not, Raphael. I do believe you. I regret that I did not believe you earlier, my child. I can see in your eyes that you speak the truth. Shredder will pay for what he has done to you."

"Father, are you saying that..."

"Examine his arm just below the wound, my sons. Shredder meant for that symbol to reach me."

I glanced at Raph's arm as Sensei directed. Yes, indeed, someone had used a blade of some sort to carve a symbol into Raphael's left arm. It was a Japanese symbol I did not recognize.

"What is it?"

"It is the symbol of Oroku Saki."

"Shredder?" I inquired and Sensei nodded. "But why?"

"As a warning to me, I have no doubt. It is an attempt to make me take action on your brother's behalf. Not only that, it is a threat on your brother's life. The symbol means that Shredder has staked a claim on his next victim. I have no doubt he will be after your brother, my sons. That is why we must protect him at all costs."

"Hai Sensei." All of us stated with determination in there eyes. No one was going to hurt our hotheaded brother on our watch.

* * *

 **So, what will happen when Shredder finds out Raphael is still alive? And Michelangelo still hasn't asked Raph about that curious white string...**

 **Review Please!**


	9. Promises, Promises

**Sorry this chapter took so long guys. I had to think about how I wanted this chapter to turn out. Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate the support for this story!**

* * *

 **Ch. 9-Promises, Promises**

Casey Jones paced the length of his apartment for what felt like the hundredth time that night. He let out a sigh of frustration. Almost an entire week had passed since he'd last seen Raphael. And he was worried.

Somehow or other, the turtle had managed to weave his way through the human's outer defenses, quickly becoming one of Jones' closest friends. The man had never met anyone with whom he shared so many unique personality quirks and interests. Casey reached the wall and turned around, pacing back towards the other side of the apartment. Jones was inwardly questioning whether or not he should head out on the town for a little late-night skull bashing. In the end, he decided it just didn't feel right going without the giant turtle. Not when he didn't know anything whatsoever about Raph's current status.

Shit, for all he knew the kid could be… Jones pushed that thought away. He really wanted to know how Raph was doing. He glanced around the room and his eyes landed on the shelves where he kept all his special sports equipment. The human walked over to the teak cabinet and plucked an item deftly off a stand. Then an idea struck him. He whipped out his cell phone and dialed a number he hadn't used in years.

He had a promise to keep, after all.

* * *

Raph's eyelids were heavy and he groaned as he slowly returned to consciousness. As soon as his vision cleared, the turtle tried to sit up, only to have a three-fingered hand press him back down against the table. Either Raph gave up easier than expected, or Leo was using much more force than necessary because Raph's shell hit the metal lab table with a thud. The injured turtle hissed as pain flared up in his shoulder. "What the shell, Leo?! What was that for?"

"Sorry." The eldest murmured.

Raph glared at his older brother, and was about to try once more to sit up, when Leo said, "Don't even think about it. Donnie will kill me if I don't let him examine you first. He wants to make sure everything is properly healed."

Raphael raised an eye-ridge. "How long was I out?"

"Donatello kept you sedated. You've been under for about five days."

"Five days? You shittin' me?"

Leo frowned at Raphael's language, but shook his head. "No. You've been out for five days. Don wanted to make sure your injuries healed as quickly as possible. Which would only happen if you maintained complete bed rest for a week or so. You should be stable now, but don't test the wound. You're stitches could reopen from any kind of stressful physical activity, so stay put. Don will be here in a minute."

"And just how long have you been sitting here?" Raph asked.

Leonardo looked away and refused to make eye contact.

"He barely left your side for a moment. I had to bring all of his meals in here. He refused to realize that you weren't going anywhere in your sedated state."

"Well it took you long enough to show up, Brainiac." Raph muttered before glancing back at his older brother. "Thanks Leo. For staying with me. You didn't have to…"

"I wanted to. You're my little brother. And I have to admit, you really scared us this time."

Raphael rolled his eyes. "Relax bro, I'm a fighter. I told you I was hanging."

Leo smiled softly at his immediate younger brother. Donatello smiled also and began to run a few tests. He checked the details over carefully before turning back to his brothers. "Well, stitches are looking good. I should be able to let you go to your room now, Raph, but so help me if you tear so much as one stitch I will tie you to the lab table and sedate you for an entire month."

Raphael paled at Don's tone. The smart turtle definitely meant it. Much as he wanted to sneak top-side, Raph decided he better wait a couple of days for everything to cool off a little.

As Leonardo helped him to his room, Michelangelo bounced over to them, pulling Raph into a loose hug.

"RAPHIE!" He yelled excitedly, clinging to the red-masked turtle's good arm.

The hothead growled a little, but allowed his little brother the contact. After a long moment Mikey pulled away, staring up into Raph's green gaze. "I was so worried, bro. I'm glad you're okay! I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you earlier! We should have listened…" Mikey's voice faded away, his bright, blue eyes dimmed with sadness.

Raph internally sighed at his youngest brother's expression. He went into comforting-big-brother mode and reached out, putting his hand on Mikey's shoulder. "Don't you worry about it, Mikey." Raph said softly, "Can't change the past."

Michelangelo nodded at his brother's wise words.

Leonardo was impressed by Raph's manner, but nothing could have prepared him for what the hothead said next.

"But always remember, little brother, just because the past is the past doesn't mean that you can't learn something from it. Learn from the past and apply it to the present. That's the only way to prevent history from repeating itself."

Leo stared. His facial expression was stoic, but his eyes were filled with shock. Who would have thought that Raphael, the hotheaded, temperamental turtle could speak so eloquently?

* * *

Master Splinter sat on the couch in the main room, watching the ongoing scene with a gentle smile. It eased his heart to see his sons reuniting with their injured brother.

His deft ears picked up the soft exchange between the orange and red masked turtles. The old rat smiled softly. Following Raphael's words, the air in the main room stilled. Splinter took a good, long look at his red-clad son, noting, in particular the change in posture. Raph stood with is muscles lax, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. The rat had never seen the red-masked turtle, who was almost always closed-off, so relaxed and so open. At least, not since the boys were very, very young.

Splinter approached them, slowly, and they turned to face him. "Very wise words, my son."

Raph nodded, absently, and for a few moments father and son just stared at each other.

Leonardo glanced from his father to Raphael, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on a very private moment. The eldest motioned to Michelangelo. Leo motioned Mikey to follow him and headed towards kitchen. Mikey stared at Leo, then back at Raphael hesitantly. The youngest wanted to ask Raph about the meaning behind the map in his room, particularly the mysterious white string. However, Leonardo turned around and glared at the youngest, insistently signaling Mikey to follow. With a sigh the youngest dejectedly trailed after his eldest brother, leaving Sensei and Raphael alone.

Splinter's big black eyes stared deep into his hotheaded son's bright green ones. The old rat spoke slowly and quietly, "I am relieved that you are alright, my son."

The rat's hand reached up and brushed Raph's jaw softly. Raph gently leaned into his father's touch. Sensei's eyes dulled. "We came so close to losing you, Raphael. I do not wish to anger you, but I cannot believe that you would be so foolish as to confront the Shredder on your own. Do you have any idea what could have happened to you? To our family?"

Raph lowered his eyes and pulled away from his father's grip. "I know Sensei, I know, but I had to do something. If Shredder reconstructs his suit, he'll restore his influence in the underworld. He could hurt a lot of people. I couldn't just stand by and do nothing when **I knew** he was out there."

"That is no reason to risk your life and this family's safety!"

"I'm sorry Sensei. I know that I was risking a lot and that I could have really hurt you guys, but I couldn't ignore what was going on. And I couldn't convince you guys to help me, so what other choice did I have?"

Splinter was silent. Whenever something was wrong Raphael had always been one to act first and ask questions later. The old rat frowned and his eyes landed on Raph's wound. There would be a crack on the upper left side of his plastron for the rest of his life. Honestly, the sinuous turtle was lucky that he would regain full mobility of his shoulder. Once more, the old rat's hand rose to cup the side of his son's face.

Raph's eyes softened just a little. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. His eye-ridges furrowed. Well, there was no use dragging it out. He might as well just spit it out and get it over with. It was difficult because he wasn't the kind of guy to dwell on these kinds of things, but he wanted to ease his father's conscience. "I love you, father. You know that I would never purposely do anything to jeopardize your safety, or my brothers'."

Splinter nodded. He was well aware of that.

Raphael shifted and Splinter regarded the red-masked turtle curiously.

Bright green eyes glinted dangerously, "I would never allow Shredder to hurt any of you. Never."

Splinter's eyes narrowed quizzically. There was more to this than Raphael was saying.

Raph caught his father's questioning stare and his eyes darkened. He pulled his gaze away, lowering his eyes to stare at a spot on the floor. "He wanted me to lead him to you and the others."

The rat's eyes widened. Raphael had said nothing about actually speaking with Shredder. Splinter was steadily growing more and more concerned. Shredder was very good at manipulating his opponents and toying with their minds. Before the rat could question his son further, Raphael went on.

"I didn't tell him anything. When I refused to speak…" Raph's eyes strayed to his shoulder.

Splinter stared at his child with a horrified expression on his face.

The red-masked turtle clenched his hand into an iron-hard fist. "I didn't say a word. I didn't even open my mouth."

At the old rat's inquiring glance, the turtle elaborated, "I'd never allow a bastard like that the sadistic satisfaction of hearing me scream."

The old rat's face was mixture of horror, pain, and awe. Less than a split second later Splinter yanked his second son into a fierce hug. The father did his best to blink back the tears in his eyes. His heart filled with rage. He would kill Shredder for this.

 _I swear it._ Splinter thought. _Oroku Saki, I will not allow you to threaten this family again. You may have marked him with your symbol, but I will die before I let you hurt Raphael any further. You aren't coming anywhere near my second son again. Because if you do, it will be my knife in your back._

* * *

 **So what did you think? How was it?**


	10. Charcoal

**Yes, Raphael has artistic skills. In my mind, everyone has a certain measure of patience and that patience is applied through different pursuits, and manifests itself in different talents. Also, I really felt like having a little more Donatello in this chapter. See, Don may not be the funniest of the brothers, but he is sweet and he and Raphael are brothers. So here, Raphael helps Donatello relax from his doctor role and just be a little brother. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 10-Charcoal**

There was something impalpable about charcoal that Raphael found incredibly compelling. It was at times like these, when Raph was stuck in his room for hours on end, that he really put what little bits and pieces of charcoal he had to good use.

When they were younger Raph had always made fun of Michelangelo for, well, everything…But in particular for Mikey's childish drawings and sketches. What his brothers didn't know was that Raphael himself had grown into quite an artist.

Of course, all four of them had doodled with broken and worn-down crayon stubs that they'd found in the sewers, or that Sensei had picked up off the street during his scavenges. Raph had been about three when he'd picked up his first crayon.

But by the time they turned six, both Leonardo and Donatello had moved on to more 'grown-up' pursuits. Leo liked to read, the kind of books with no pictures. When he wasn't reading, the eldest turtle followed their Sensei around like a puppy.

And Donnie, who had long since learned how to read, began pursuing his career as an inventor. Donatello, in particular, criticized Raph for his lack of productivity. The hothead, even at only six years of age, was not about to take that kind of talk from anyone. So, Raphael had hocked his crayons and stopped drawing altogether.

And then…when they were about ten, Raphael had gotten in a fight with his older sibling. Big surprise. So he stormed out, trying to cool off. Another big surprise.

 **Flashback**

About a mile away from home, Raph slowed. He fought back the tears of frustration that threatened to escape from his eyes. It wasn't fair. It never was when it came to dear 'perfect' Leonardo.

The hothead slowly moved forward, turning to the right as the tunnel he was in connected to another. His feet screeched to a sudden halt. The tunnel was blocked by debris. Who knows how it even ended up down there, considering most of it was far too large to fit through the grates, but Raph just couldn't bring himself to care.

Bright green eyes filled with intrigue as they caught on something tucked amongst the pile of rubbish. An emerald green hand reached out and tugged on it. The pile collapsed a little and Raph took a few steps back, gripping the desired item tightly. He pulled a bit harder than he'd needed to and fell on his bottom. Raphael remained seated as he examined the contents of the cardboard box in his hands.

The first thing he pulled out was some kind of book. Raph leafed through it, with little interest. The book had a thinly bound leather cover and plenty of thick, blank pages. There were a few pages that were slightly used, but overall, it was practically empty. He peered back into the box.

There was a bag of black…rocks in it, too. Wait, wait! Raph found some of these rocks when Donnie was with him once. What had he called them again? Some kind of coal…Charcoal, that's it! Charcoal.

Slowly, Raph reached into the bag and pulled out one of the smaller fragments. Memories of his fight with Leo returned to his mind and anger surged within him. Raph crushed the rock in his palm and brushed away the crumbs. His hand and fingers were black. The hothead stared.

Emerald green hands pulled another fragment out of the bag and opened the book. Clutching the charcoal softly in his grip, Raph pressed it lightly to the paper and drew a line. Huh.

A noise echoing through the tunnels made him look up, suspiciously. Raph shoved the book and charcoal back into the box, picking it up and hightailing it out of there.

 **End Flashback**

Drawing had become very important to Raphael in the last few years. It was an outlet, one that he relied very heavily upon. And charcoal was still his favorite instrument. He drew whenever he felt inferior, or depressed, or even when he was calm. The only time he didn't draw was when he was angry. Drawing when he was angry only led to crushed pieces of charcoal, and since pieces were scarce in the sewers, Raph didn't want to waste them.

The charcoal swept across the paper as Raph let his thoughts wander. Long, sweeping strokes slowly formed the figure, short, fast swipes shaded in the contours. Dark, hard swipes framed the edges. Raphael returned his focus to the drawing as he moved in on the eyes. The charcoal slowed to a halt as he regarded his finished work.

 _Well…that wasn't exactly what I intended._ Raph thought as he straight into the eyes of his older brother. Leonardo stared up at him from the paper below. The drawing was really, very good. Though that wasn't too surprising to the hotheaded turtle. He had memorized each and every one of his brothers' features. He could draw them blindfolded. Despite what they thought, he was actually very observant when he wanted to be. Raph drew from memory. He always had.

The hothead had inscribed so many memories in this book. _But not for much longer,_ he thought with a frown. He only had about ten blank pages left. Then something else occurred to him. _Maybe I can get April to get me a new one. I could pay her back…_

 _But then, she'd ask a whole bunch of questions. And then my brothers would find out, and then, and then, and then…_

And then, an epiphany. _Of course, I could ask Casey to get it._ That was a thought. _I ask Casey and nobody will find out about it. I guess—_ the sound of footsteps outside his door made Raph shoot into action. He closed the book and shoved it under the mattress just as the door opened.

Donatello entered, heading straight over to Raph's side. "How are you feeling?"

"It's nice to see you too." Raph muttered.

Don frowned at the hothead's jeer at his bedside manner and retorted sourly, "Well enough to criticize, I see."

Raphael smiled. "Aw, come off it Don, I was just messin' wit' ya."

The brainiac crossed his arms over his plastron. He was not impressed. "You should be resting."

It was Raph's turn to pout. "Resting? Donatello, I am resting! I've been resting all day! I can't wait to stop resting! All this resting is making me restless!"

Donatello rolled his eyes. "You're impossible." He leaned over his older brother to inspect the healing wound on Raph's shoulder.

"I know. It's the secret to my charm." Raph responded cheekily.

Donnie scoffed, "What charm?"

The hothead chuckled and pushed the smart turtle backward playfully. Don's eyes narrowed, but Raph smiled as he saw a lighthearted smirk dance across the younger turtle's lips.

Raphael took that as a challenge. He hopped up out of bed and tackled his immediate younger brother to the floor.

Don grunted as they hit the ground. "Raph, you can't be doing this. Your shoulder—"

"My shoulder can take it, little brother, I'm not that sensitive." Raph pinned Donnie and felt around near the lower back side of the brainiac's shoulders, just inside the carapace. The hothead smirked as he found exactly what he was looking for.

Don's muscles tensed. All movement slowed and Donatello glared at Raphael. "You. wouldn't. dare."

Raph smirked and began to move his fingers. Don bit his lip, desperately attempting to contain the urge to laugh. "Come on, Don. Secede!"

Don began to chuckle despite his best efforts. Between laughs, the smart turtle managed to get out a very breathy, "Never!"

Raph only doubled his efforts and soon Donnie was snorting with laughter. Raph smirked, _tickling Don into submission always was an amusing pastime._

"Alright! Alright! I give! I give! Uncle!"

Raph practically preened with victory and moved away, allowing Donatello to sit up of his own volition. Their gaze met for a moment and they both chuckled a little and looked away. Awkward. Finally, Donatello glanced over at Raph.

The hothead met Don's gaze and knew exactly what two words were gonna come next. See, Don still hadn't really apologized for what he'd said that night before Raph left. Before the brainiac could say anything, Raph held up a hand.

Donatello stared rather dejectedly at Raphael's hand and spoke anyway. "Raph I…" Don began, reaching out to put a hand on Raph's good shoulder.

Raphael caught Donnie's wrist. "Don, ya don't have to say it."

Donatello recoiled violently, pulling his hand away. "Well what if I wanna say it, Raph? You always reject it as though it's nothing, but there **are** times when you actually deserve to hear it!" he yelled, his voice booming and echoing off the walls. Don deflated a little. Barely more than a whisper he murmured, "I'm sorry."

Raph said nothing and Don's expression grew worried. So Raph asked, "What the shell do ya want me to say, Don?"

The smart turtle shrugged, "Accepting my apology might be nice."

Raph's peaceful expression melted into a frown. "I didn't want your apology, little brother." He grumbled. But at Donatello's pleading expression he acquiesced. "Fine, I accept your apology." Raph reached out and flicked the tape-covered center of his nerd-brother's glasses affectionately. "Now get outta here. I'm sure you've got a lot better things to do than waste your time in here 'resting' with me."

They both stood. Donatello murmured, "I've got plenty of other things to do, Raph. But there isn't a single one of them that I'd classify as being better than hanging out with my older brother."

Those words left a warm fuzzy feeling in the hothead's heart that was not at all unwelcome. Raph smiled and pulled Donnie into a loose headlock. His brothers knew that he didn't really do 'hugs'.

Don had been about to leave, but as he hugged his brother, his eyes caught the changes on Raph's back wall. What the shell?

"Raph." Don said as he pulled out of the hug.

Raphael glanced at him, raising an eye-ridge at the brainiac's change of tone. "Yeah?"

"What is all that on your wall?"

The hothead glanced from the wall back to his brother. He took a deep breath before very coolly replying, "Elementary, my dear brother. Records of my Ghost-chasing efforts."

Don's eyes widened. "You mean that these points correspond with—"

"With the Foot's every movement over the past two weeks or so. This last point," Raph indicated the push-pin where the black string ended, "Is where I was attacked last week."

The magnified brown eyes turned to Raphael, "Raph, don't you realize how important this is? We need to show this to Sensei and the others right away! It could help us determine where the Foot will strike next! Come on, we have to tell them now!" Don yelled, grabbing Raphael's wrist and literally dragging the larger turtle out the door and into the main room. There was no one there. Just as Raph was about to say something, Donnie jerked his wrist and the two of them were running towards the dojo. Donatello threw open the doors with no warning, making Splinter, Leo, and Mikey jump in shock. "Guys! Come on, follow us to Raph's room! You've got to see this!"

The others exchanged curious glances, but followed with no objection. And by this point Raph was getting very tired of being dragged around by his younger brother. As soon as they stopped in the hothead's room, Raph yanked his hand out of Donatello's grip.

"Look!" The brainiac said, excitedly pointing at map. "Raph did this! He's absolutely brilliant!"

Leo gawked, "He is?"

Raph, too, was confused, "I am?" Donatello had called him lots of things over the years, and brilliant certainly wasn't one of them.

"Yes!" Don answered, standing right in front of the map so that he could examine every point carefully.

Master Splinter glanced the map over. "A very intricate piece of work, Raphael."

Raph straightened a little at his Father's praise but said nothing. Right now they were all a bit preoccupied with watching the way Donatello was excitedly bouncing about.

"Donatello." Splinter called sternly, Don gave an automatic grunt, which meant he was listening. "Why is this map of Raphael's so advantageous?"

Don pulled his pencil from where it was tucked under his mask, "Hmmm?" he asked as he processed the question. As he finally comprehended what had been asked of him he looked up at them, "Oh, well, I could use the Foot's locations over the past two weeks, which Raphael so nicely plotted out for me, to try and infer what their next move will be." Then the brainiac turned back to Raphael, "I don't suppose you know what they were after?"

Raph smiled. "Check out the green push-pins."

Donnie did, and his eyes practically bugged out of his head. "All with corresponding dates?"

Raph nodded. Then he added as a second thought, "Green tags are the items they succeeded in getting their hands on. The gray ones are the ones that, for whatever reason, they failed to retrieve."

Leonardo's eyes narrowed. "Sounds to me like you've spent a lot of time on this."

Raph gave his older sibling a flat stare, "Yeah, I have. But I was trying to track down Shredder, so I had to be meticulous with the details."

Splinter took a few more steps forward so that he could study the map in detail. The old rat, glanced back over his shoulder at Raphael as he asked, "The red string represents your movements and the black the Foot's?"

Raph nodded.

Michelangelo, who had been silent up until this point, blurted out, "Who's the white string?"

Raphael hid his shock, brushed off the question lightly and answered without hesitation, "Group of street thugs I've been keeping what you might call a 'watchful eye' on. So far, they haven't done anything really bad, but it's only a matter of time. Let's just say that without someone to stop them when that happens, innocent people could get hurt."

 _That sounded better in my mind._ Raph thought, internally berating himself for the horrible cover story. Oddly enough, Michelangelo seemed to be satisfied with that and didn't ask anything further. _Phew. Talk about dodging a bullet._

Seriously, he'd have to come out to his family about Casey Jones sooner or later. And the longer he waited, Raphael knew, the more upset they'd be when they found out. He'd really gotten himself into a tight spot this time. And it was gonna be really, really, really hard to get out.

Just then Raph caught Leo's gaze focused on something over by the bed. Shit, his sketchbook's leather spine was sticking out from under the mattress. Leonardo took a few steps in that direction and Raph knew he was doomed. Not because his brothers would find out what an artistic sap he was, but because he drew only from memory. And there were at least two sketches in that book of a certain human named Casey Jones.

The hothead fought the urge to lunge forward and grab the book, because that would really give him away. With a sinking heart he watched as Leonardo grabbed the book and pulled it out from under the mattress. Leo opened it with one hand.

The eldest gasped and everyone in the room turned to him.

 _I am so dead._

* * *

 **SUSPENSE! I can't wait to write the next chapter!** **J**

 **Review please! How was it? Were the bonding moments between Donnie and Raph alright?**


	11. Bond Between Brothers

**Well, this chapter didn't end the way I expected it to. But, that just serves to make it more interesting. And personally, I think this is much more interesting than what I had planned.**

 **Let's just say that Leonardo…well I won't ruin the surprise. You have to read it and find out. But the eldest turtle takes keeping his family safe a little too seriously.**

* * *

 **Ch. 11-The Bond Between Brothers**

Leonardo stared at the book in his hands. The image was one he knew well, or at least one that he recognized. This was years ago!

About five years before Leo had given Raph a toy car on their birthday. It was the nicest toy care that any of them had ever found, and since it was their birthdays, Leo gave it to Raphael because the little hothead was an avid car fanatic. Raphael had been so thrilled that he'd hugged Leo without even realizing that he had done so. Leo smiled, and then turned his thoughts back to the book in his hands. The detailing was absolutely fabulous. Everything was perfect and true to form, right down to the little pin striping on the car doors.

Leo's awed gasps made the others gather around him. All three other family members made little noises of shock as they, too, beheld the artwork on the page.

Mikey tried to pull the book away, but Leo tightened his grip and growled. Mikey backed off. Leonardo flipped through the book slowly. Each page contained a memory. Things that had completely slipped his mind, memories from years ago that had long since faded, were revived by the images before him. Moments came flooding back to him. He paused and smiled at a picture of him giving Raph a turtle-back ride. That seemed like ages ago. It was on their eleventh birthday.

Leonardo was about to run his hand over the drawing, when a tight hand attached itself to his wrist, holding him back. The eldest tore his eyes from the paper and glanced over at his immediate younger brother inquiringly.

Raphael muttered, "It smears."

Leo nodded absently. His eyes ran over the drawing before him once more, before once again turning the page. Drawing his attention away from the book for a moment, Leo looked up at Raphael wonderingly. "I can't believe you drew these."

"Little piece of charcoal can go a long way." Raph replied timidly.

Leo returned to the book. His curiosity peaked he flipped toward the end, where a page was dog-eared. Leo's hand stilled as he found himself staring at an almost mirror image of himself. He was astounded. If the image had been in color and not black and white, the eldest turtle would have thought he was staring in a mirror. Leo could see in his peripherals that his family members were also actively comparing the drawing with the real thing.

Michelangelo, in particular, looked back and forth between Leonardo and the drawing as though confirming which of them was the real thing.

Leo's dark, blue eyes slowly rose, landing their intense gaze on Raphael. "Raph…how—when…?"

Raph's eyes dropped to the floor. He shifted nervously. "Um…I just…drew them." He answered tentatively, not entirely sure what was being asked.

Leonardo stared down at the drawing once more, in astonishment. It really was incredible. And to think that Raphael had been hiding this talent from them all these years…it seemed almost implausible.

Master Splinter, who was standing on Leonardo's right, looked down at the picture and over at his oldest son. Then he turned to Raphael, "You have a gift, my child. Why is it that you have never…?"

Raph shrugged nonchalantly. "It wasn't important. You didn't really need to know."

"And you have been drawing these since we turned eleven?" Leo asked with interest.

Raph smiled a little and stated, "Yeah, well, since before that actually. But that was near the beginning. You can tell by how primitive those drawings are compared to these."

Leonardo's eyes were wide. None of these drawings had seemed even remotely primitive to him.

* * *

Master Splinter's hand reached into a concealed pocket of his robe and ran his fingers over the worn-down folded piece of paper inside. _You always were an artist, Raphael. And your drawings were always the finest of your brothers'. Not that I would tell that to you in their presence, of course._

Unknown to his hotheaded son, in the pocket of Splinter's robe was an old, tattered piece of paper that the rat carried with him wherever he went.

Back when the turtles were barely five years of age, it had been presented to the father by his second-oldest child, Raphael. Splinter smiled. He could see it now.

 **Flashback**

Splinter smiled at the light pitter-patter of little feet echoed through the sewers. Light, ringing laughter, making the fatherly rat's heart swell. But his sensitive ears also picked up on something else. Gentle humming.

The rat raised an eyebrow. He stood and moved to the doorway, where he could see three of his sons playing tag in the sewer tunnel just outside. Only three. Splinter narrowed his eyes and pinpointed his eldest relatively quickly. Leonardo was wearing a blue cloth tied on his upper arm like an arm band, which made him easy to spot. The smallest one was Michelangelo, and the thin, lanky one was Donatello. Hm.

Splinter moved back inside and listened carefully. The humming was still there. While Splinter was little concerned that Raphael was not out playing with his brothers, the second-oldest was not often relaxed enough to hum, which comforted him a little.

Splinter followed the humming to the couch. Or more specifically behind the couch. The rat peered over the couch and let out a small sigh of relief as he saw Raphael sprawled out on his plastron, with a piece of paper and crayons clutched tightly in the little emerald green hands.

Suddenly the humming stopped and slowly Raphael's little head turned up towards the couch. As soon as Raph saw him the little turtle flinched, startled. "Agh! Daddy!" the young voiced whined reprimandingly.

Splinter went around the couch and kneeled down in front of his son. "I apologize little one. I only wanted to make certain you were alright. I thought you were playing with your brothers."

Raphael shrugged off his father's concerns and went back to his drawing.

Splinter leaned over, trying to get a better look at it, but Raphael covered it up with his hands. "Nuh! You're not supposed to see it until it's finished!"

The rat smiled a little, "Oh really?" He asked, feigning surprise.

Raph frowned and nodded very sternly. "Yeah. Go away so I can finish."

Splinter chuckled. "Alright, Raphael. I'll be in my chair if you need me." Before he left, the rat bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his second son's forehead.

Raphael grimaced, "Yich. _Dad._ " He whined complainingly, his cheeks coloring with embarrassment.

Splinter chuckled fondly at the little one's expression. "Alright, little one, I'm going." As he moved away the rat heard the young turtle murmuring something along the lines of, 'I'm not that little.'

About five minutes later, Splinter found himself being pulled out of his thoughts by an emerald green hand shaking his arm. Big black eyes looked down at the young turtle with interest. Raph was holding something behind his back. Splinter raised an eyebrow.

"It's for you." Raphael stated, holding the paper out towards his father.

Splinter took the offering gently and turned it over. He smiled. Tears came to his eyes and he brushed them away before Raphael could notice. It was beautiful. It was a drawing of Splinter holding Raphael close in a warm embrace. Both were smiling.

Raph scuffed his feet against the ground, nervously. "Do you like it?" he asked tentatively.

"No." Raph deflated a little and Splinter was quick to elaborate, "I **love** it very much, my son. Thank you, Raphael." The rat said as he pulled his son into a tight embrace.

 **End Flashback**

Splinter pulled out of his thoughts and glanced down at the book once more. Leonardo must have steadily been turning the pages because they were getting nearer to the end.

* * *

Meanwhile, Raphael's heart was pounding away in his chest. Leonardo was getting closer and closer to the drawings that he really didn't want them to see. The drawings of Casey Jones.

Leo was smart. Not as smart as Donatello, but smart none the less. Leo would recognize that each and every one of these was drawn from memory. And the eldest would realize that the drawings of the human were also from memory.

Leo continued to turn the pages and Raph tensed uncomfortably. Leo was getting far too close. Finally Raph counted down the pages…3…2…1. As that final page turned, Raph clenched his fists and closed his eyes.

Everything went silent. The air was still.

Raph opened his eyes and examined Leo's expression. Leonardo's dark blue eyes narrowed dangerously as he inspected the images before him. Right on cue, Leo looked up, glaring daggers at his immediate younger brother.

Raph glared back unabashedly.

The other turtles and Master Splinter examined the images as well, and soon they, too, were glaring inquisitively at Raphael.

Leo's voice was no more than a low growl, "Who is he?"

Raph smirked, "That's none o' yur business."

Leo closed the book and handed it to Splinter before taking a few imposing steps towards the hotheaded turtle. "It's my business when it involves my family."

"Well maybe it doesn't involve **your** family."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"The shell do you think it means?" Raph retorted, his eyes flashing with anger.

Donatello pushed between them. "Both of you calm down."

"How the hell do you expect me to calm down, Donnie?!" Leo exclaimed, now absolutely livid. "He," the eldest pointed at Raphael, "has betrayed this family's sacred trust! He violated our most important rule: don't make contact with the humans!"

"I seem to remember us making contact with other humans!" Raph responded angrily.

Leo turned back to yell in his brother's face, "That wasn't the same! This time we weren't all involved it was just you!"

"And so that makes it my fault?" Raph asked.

The eldest turtle snarled, "Damn straight."

Raphael's eyes were on fire. "Well whatcha gonna do about it? Huh? Huh, Leo? What are you gonna do? Estrange me from this family?"

Leo's dark, blue eyes were hard.

Raph's eyes widened with shock. "You can't be serious. You're really gonna turn away your own brother?"

Donnie and Mikey exchanged frantic glances. This couldn't be happening.

Master Splinter remained silent. He could understand Leonardo's anger. Mostly it resulted out of fear for their family's well being. But what was going on at this moment was going too far. Still, one day Leonardo would be head of the family. And as such, his sons needed to learn to work these things out amongst themselves. So Splinter remained silent.

Leonardo lowered his gaze and steeled his expression. "I'm afraid I don't have a choice."

Raph's gaze filled with betrayal and hurt. His eyes welled up with tears. "Fine. I'm leavin'." Raphael tore past Don's whispered words of comfort and Michelangelo's gentle grip on his shoulder, leaving without so much as another word.

Michelangelo broke down. Tears rolled down his face. Don reached out to comfort the youngest, but Mikey pulled away, whirling around to glare at the eldest turtle. "How could you? I hate you! Hear that? I hate you!"

Leo stared in shock as Don pulled Mikey away, presumably headed for the youngest's room. His father's voice made Leo turn back around.

"In cases like these, Leonardo, you must think not about what has been done, but what could be lost." Splinter held up the book, open to the picture of Leo and Raph on their eleventh birthday. "There is a bond of familial love between you and your brother my son. Are you prepared…to lose it?"

Leonardo's gaze softened and regret filled his heart. He bowed his head. All the anger within him faded. "No, Father."

"Then go. Find him." After Leo left, Splinter murmured, "Before it is too late."

Leo nodded and rushed out the door. Running out into the sewers and heading for the nearest manhole. There was nothing. Raphael was gone. The eldest fell to his knees and clenched his fists. Tears rolled down his face. _This is all my fault. I went too far and I hurt him. What am I gonna do?_

Splinter's voice echoed in Leo's head: "Find him."

Leo nodded. He stood and straightened his posture. _I'm gonna find you, Raphael. No matter what it takes._

* * *

 ** _Re_** **view Please! Thanks everybody! :)**


	12. Time and Forgiveness

**Hey guys! It's been so many months! I know you probably thought I'd given up on this story, but nope! Still here! I just…Well you see, I'd already written the ending. And I kind of needed to take some time and figure out how the shell to get from where I left off to the end. So yeah, that's why it took me so long. But it's all planned out now, so the next chapter shouldn't take nearly as long.**

 **The first half is in Raph's POV and the Second half is in Leo's POV. You probably don't need me to tell you that, but I'm just gonna tell you anyway just so you know.**

* * *

 **Ch. 12-Time and Forgiveness**

They say that time heals all wounds…but I can tell you right now: that's a fucking lie.

It's been three and a half weeks. Three and a half goddamn weeks! Almost a whole fuckin' month has passed and the horrible gaping hole in my chest has only been growing deeper.

It's all Fearless' fault! The goddamn stuck-up prick! Somehow it's always his fault and I'm the one getting blamed for it.

I'm staying with Casey. I couldn't go to April's because I knew my brothers would find me there. I can't help but wonder how long the hockey player's charity is gonna last. But Casey's my friend. He's got my back. For now anyway.

Looking back a month to the night I showed up outside his window, I was practically in the midst of a complete emotional breakdown. It took the human three hours to actually get me to start making sense.

The next thing I knew I was telling Casey Jones everything. I told him about the lab and the mutagen, I told him about my brothers and my Sensei, I told him about April and about Sacks' crazy plan to drain all of our blood to extract the mutagen. I told him about my childhood in the sewers. I told him about my constant fights with my older brother Leo. And finally, I told him about our most recent one.

When I finally finished blubbering, Casey patted my shoulder and we fell into silence. At least until he murmured, "I…I got somethin' for ya." He threw me a baseball and I caught it in one hand.

I glanced down at it slowly. _Holy Shell!_ "It's autographed." I stated slowly, my eyes wide with surprise. I stared at Casey disbelievingly. The human smiled. "I know a guy on the team. Told him I owed someone a favor and asked him to do me one."

My lips curved upward into a subtle smirk and I raised an eye-ridge. "This wouldn't happen to be because of that offer you made me when I was injured…would it?" I asked slowly.

Casey's face was grave. "You saved my life Raph."

I grinned widely. Sure I had just had an epic fight with Leo, but I pushed that aside for a moment and stared down at the ball in my hands. "Case I…" My voice broke. _Thanks._ That was all I wanted to say. But I was so choked up that I couldn't do anything of the sort. Instead, my emotional side got the better of me. I hated how incredibly small I sounded as I confessed, "I've never had anything like this before." I admitted softly.

Jones just grinned and clapped me on the shoulder. "Don't mention it, Raph. Consider this the start of a collection."

A brief smile danced across my lips, but then my thoughts returned to my family and I shot to my feet. "I gotta find somewhere to crash for a little while. Especially since I won't be going back any time soon." I was about to head back out the window when Casey caught my arm.

"The hell are you talkin' 'bout? Yer stayin' here."

I stared wide-eyed for a few moments before glaring darkly at him. "No way, Case. It's too dangerous."

"Oh shut up. It ain't like we can't defend ourselves. I know the couch ain't that comfortable, and the apartment ain't much, but you're welcome to it."

I just stood there and gaped for a few moments. "Thanks." I finally grumbled.

The human's mouth tilted upward into a lopsided grin. "What are friends for?"

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know." My voice cracked a little and I whispered, "Never had one before."

Casey's smile vanished. "You have brothers though."

I smiled bitterly and watched Case grow nervously tense. I couldn't keep the hurt out of my voice as I confessed, "Brothers don't always have to be yur friends."

Jones' smile curved down into a very serious frown. "But they do care."

My top lip curled upward into a snarl. "Pfft. How would you know?" I retorted tartly.

The man sighed and whispered. "You aren't the only one with sibling problems, Raph."

Silence reigned for a few moments before I dared to ask: "You…you have a brother?"

"No…but I got a little sister."

I growled. "That's not the same." I crossed my arms over my plastron. Casey had no idea the pain that I was feeling. He had no idea what I was going through.

"Oh no?!" Casey asked, raising his voice. "My sister is gone! I haven't seen her in five years! Because a stupid fight split us apart!"

I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing and simply did my best to avoid his gaze. Casey had never told me any of this before.

"How is that any different from what happened between you and Leo?"

I could sense that that wasn't all of it. Casey had more that he wanted to tell me. I could tell. I've gotten enough lectures in my life that I know how they go by now.

"My sister resented me because I was always trying to tell her what and what not to do. So one night she decided she'd had enough. It was right after we'd had a really bad fight over what she had chosen to do with her life. She skipped town with a group of motorcycle junkies and I haven't seen her since. I don't think I'll ever see her again. For all I know she could be dead! And I'll never know whether she ever realized how much I loved her and that I was only trying to protect her. I'll never know, Raph." Casey admitted. By the time he finished there were tears in his eyes. He wiped them away with the back of his hand and straightened his posture. "I know that you love them, Raph. It's obvious how much you care about them and how much this thing hurt you. But do you really want to leave them to the misery that I've had to face all of these years?"

Once again, I had no answer to offer my human friend.

"Think about it Raph. Why don't you just try talking to them?"

I grimaced. This was quickly turning into a counseling session. My eyes flashed a little. I didn't necessarily want to argue with Casey, but I had to get this out there. "It wouldn't matter Case. Leo…" I bowed my head. "He just doesn't understand. He never will."

Casey Jones' eyes narrowed in annoyance, but he soon closed his eyes and shook his head. "Maybe not." He admitted and I raised an eye-ridge. Casey put a hand on my shoulder and looked me directly in the eyes. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't care."

I couldn't help it. I was in the midst of an emotional whirlpool. My temper flared. "He fuckin' kicked me out of our home, Casey! He disowned me from the family!"

The grip on my shoulder tightened. "I'm not telling you what to do Raph. And you can take as long as you need, and stay as long as you need to, until you get this thing figured out. But what I can say is, if it was me, I'd at least talk to him. Because if Leo loves his three younger brothers as much as you love the three of them, he's already regretting it."

The only response I offered was low grunt to let the human know that I was listening. Casey sighed. With a final clap on the shoulder he muttered. "Well…I'm going to bed. See ya in the morning buddy."

"Yeah, whateva." I murmured and watched as my friend retreated to his room.

As soon as he was gone I stood and made my way into the kitchen. Casey wasn't really what I'd call an _alcoholic,_ but he was no pansy. Last time I'd refused the beer…but now I needed to lose myself. And though I'd never tasted the foul substance before, I'd heard it was good at that. I just…I want to forget.

I opened the fridge and grimaced at the smell of sour milk. But my grimace quickly melted into a wan smile as I saw the brand new six-pack tucked neatly in the corner.

To say that Casey Jones was not pleased when he found me passed out the couch with a bottle of beer in my hand and three empty ones on table in front of me, would have been an understatement. _Maybe I never should have told him I was underage…_

From then on, Casey stopped keeping beer in the apartment. He tries to get me to eat, and I do, to an extent. Of course I soon realized that I had been taking Mikey's cooking for granted. Casey couldn't cook for shit.

We'd work out together too. Over the past few weeks Casey's really helped me regain almost complete flexibility in my shoulder. I still have to go slow when it comes to some of my trickier forms. In return for all his help, I've been teaching Casey some of the more basic ninja moves. Last night we actually went out and beat the shit out of some punk lowlifes. And if felt good.

* * *

It's been almost a month. I've been searching and searching and there's been no sign of Raphael. Not a single trace. Mikey and Donnie haven't said a word to me since _that_ night. Not that I blame them. If I were them I wouldn't talk to me either.

I have to find Raphael and bring him home. But where could he have gone? I've looked everywhere I could think of. I called April, but that only ended up getting her just as worried as we were.

All of a sudden, in the middle of another desperate night search for my missing sibling, a thought struck me harder than a slap in the face. I'm searching the streets and the abandoned buildings. I've been searching them for the past month. There is just no way Raphael could have avoided me that long if he'd been in either of those places. So…that gave birth to three distinct possibilities, though really only two since my heart refused to accept the third:

1\. Raph left the city

2\. Raph is staying with someone

3\. Raphael is dead

As I said, I refuse to believe the third possibility, or rather, I don't want to believe it. The first option is very likely either. Raph loves New York. This city is engraved in him. He couldn't survive anywhere else. He wouldn't be happy anywhere else. So that leaves only option number two.

 _But who would Raph stay with? April was just shocked by the news of Raph's departure. Besides, if he were with April she would have called and told us. But then where…Of course! Leonardo, you idiot! I can't find Raph because he's staying with his human friend. And I'd be willing to bet that even if Raph isn't staying with him, that human will know where Raph is. But…how the hell am I supposed to find out who that guy is?! April! April can help! She can take pictures of the drawing and use her contacts to find a name to match the face!_

I stopped my search early and ran straight back to the lair. I rushed in the door, making Mikey and Donnie jump up off the couch. Don narrowed his eyes and muttered snidely, "Well, well, well, look who's back early. What's the matter Leo? Finally accepting that you drove our brother away for good?"

Mikey frowned and for the first time in the past month, my little brother spoke in my defense. "Don't Don. It isn't all Leo's fault. He was mad. He said things he didn't mean. He paid for it. He's just as deeply effected by this as we are. He regrets his actions. Just look at how hard he's been trying to find our brother. Raph's just as much at fault for not coming bask as Leo is for kicking him out."

I watched as Don's habitually soft, brown eyes steeled over dangerously. I sighed. "No Mikey. Donnie's right. This whole thing is my fault. I deserve it."

Michelangelo frowned at me. And, very uncharacteristically for my light-hearted brother, slammed his fist into the wall. Donnie and I jumped, both of us shifting nervously under his scalding gaze. "I won't accept that Leonardo! Despite the fact that you got in a fight with Raphael and sent him away, we're still a family! And funny thing about family, Leo: they forgive each other! Besides, I'm not gonna let you keep going out after Raph without us. I want my brothers back, Leo. I want both of my older brothers back. That's why I'm forgiving you."

Silence ensued and I tentatively shifted my gaze to my techy-brother. Immediately I understood. Mikey may have forgiven me, but it was going to take a lot longer before Donatello trusted me again. Don was going to grow increasingly difficult as long as Raphael was out there somewhere. "I'm going to call April." I admitted, deciding to bring them up to speed on my plan.

My brothers looked confused. Donnie frowned. "Why?"

"To get the identity of Raphael's human friend."

Ever the skeptic, Donnie scoffed. "Leo, New York has millions of inhabitants. How in shell is April going to find this guy?"

I scowled at him and growled a warning note as he tone began grating on my last nerve. "April has all kinds of contacts, Don. She's a television news reporter. If anyone can locate an individual in a city with millions of inhabitants, it's April."

My nerd brother said nothing, but I could tell he was disappointed that he hadn't come up with the idea himself. Don said nothing for a few moments as he pored over my idea in that brilliant mind of his. Then he sent me a curious stare. "And you're going to give her one of Raph's drawings to work with?"

I nodded. "Where's the book?" I asked, trying not to sound too desperate.

Mikey's features were oddly sullen. I knew exactly what he was thinking. _If I hadn't found that book none of this would have happened in the first place._ Then again, if Raph hadn't drawn pictures of his human friend, it wouldn't have turned into such a rapid escalation of temper on both our parts. Furthermore, why did Raphael even try to hide his human friend anyway? He must have realized that he couldn't keep us in the dark forever. Well, in retrospect, he probably hadn't expected us to find out quite the way we did, either.

 _Oh Raph…Where are you, little brother?_

* * *

 **Well? How was it? Review please!**


	13. Numb

**Sorry this chapter took so long. Writing the April section required much deliberation.**

* * *

 **Ch. 13-Numb**

 **Raph's POV**

It's like when someone punches you in the gut. The first couple of times it hurts like hell, but the longer it goes on, the less ya feel. You don't really start to feel it until after the battle is done. Years and years of fights, insults, and rivalry have led to this. I can't say I'm surprised.

I have to admit, Leo's decision to throw me out stung worse than Sensei's backhand. I've spent this past month feeling the aching after-burn of our fight. Distant memories of some of our earlier fights revisit me in trance-like state. Those memories seem almost alien to me now. It feels like a millennia ago. Their words hurt back then. But over the years that's changed. I look back on those days and it stuns me how much I used to care.

 _You still do._ Whispers a voice in my head that sounds eerily like Michelangelo. It's funny how much having brothers can affect a person.

That doesn't change the fact that I still can't believe that all our fights ever really hurt that much. I've been so numbed over the years that I can't even identify with myself anymore.

 _You're so stupid, meathead!_

 _They're better than you!_

 _If you wish to compete with your brothers, you must learn to control your temper._

 _Raph, you're hurting me!_

 _Cool off, Raph._

 _Back off, Raph._

 _Ease up, Raph._

 _Every time we're in the Hashi, it's because of you!_ Of course it is. I'm the hothead. I'm the screw-up. I'm the rule-breaker. It's how I express myself. They don't know. They don't understand. They don't get it. They don't know who I am. And they don't want to know. Neither do I. I cling to that part of myself because it's the only part that feels right…that feels…genuine.

 _Let me be the badass for once._ Heh. I can't help but grin a little at that. Is that what they really see me as?

I glance briefly at the wall mirror in front of me and see a bright glimmer in my dulled, and slightly pale eyes. I've always hated them. They vary from gold to green depending on the lighting, but most of the time they're a kind of ugly medium between the two. I grin bitterly into the gleaming surface. 'A reflection of my inner self,' I thought sulkily.

Leo's eyes are blue.

Where did that thought come from? I wondered absently as I closed my eyes and drew back into my contemplation.

Yes, Leo's eyes are blue. Just like him, the cool, calculating, cunning Fearless leader. Blue.

Mikey's eyes are blue, too. But they're a different shade. Light, young, happy-go-lucky blue. Playful blue…baby blue. My baby brother. Always young at heart.

Donnie…Don's eyes are different. They may seem dark from a distance, but they're actually a light hazel color. Calm, levelheaded, curious brown eyes. Just like Don. He may not look like much, but he packs a big punch. Of course, there are times when he can be terse. Cruel, even. He speaks softly and carries a big stick. Literally.

I shook those thoughts aside as the various voices continued to yell.

 _You're so mean, Raph!_

 _Do you even realize how much you hurt them?_ He asked, angrily. That one had really stung. How long ago was that? Three years? Possibly four? I don't know for sure. After a while they all start to blend together. How they started never really matters in the long-run. All I remember about that particular fight was that I stormed off not long after Leo asked that question. I didn't mean to hurt them. I never meant to. Funny thing was, I didn't see Leo, Donnie or Mikey ever stopping to consider how much _they_ hurt _me_.

 _You're a horrible brother!_ After that, I stopped trying to be a good a brother. What was the point? My brothers already saw me for the monster I was.

 _You are the most emotional of your brothers._ I know. And I hate it.

"Why is it always me?" I whispered.

It took less than three seconds for Sensei's voice to answer. _Because you are the one who makes it so._

"Always me." I growled, slamming my fist down on the carpet beside me with a loud bang.

I heard the human sitting on the couch shift, probably to glance over in my direction. But I ignored him.

 _I am disappointed in you, Raphael._ Heh. The story of my life. That's all I am. All I'll ever be. The screw-up, the one who can never do anything right, the black sheep.

 _Disappointed…disappointed…Raphael….disappointed…_

 _Disappointed in you. Disappointed. Always disappointed. Raphael…_

"One, big disappointment."

I was pulled away from my thoughts once again by a subtle shift from the human on the couch. The back of my neck began to burn as I felt his eyes running thoughtfully over me with a curious stare.

Despite all my protests, Casey hangs around, keeping a 'watchful eye on me' he says. Can't knock him for standing by me. He's a good guy. And he's been an even better friend. I can't afford to stay here much longer, though. I don't want to risk straining the one friendship I have. Case says I'm welcome to stay longer, but I can tell this whole thing has him just about as stressed out as I am. Problem with being emotional hotheads, you absorb vibes from the people around you. And since I've been a fucking emotional mess, Jones has been bearing the brunt.

So I need to go scouting for a place to squat. Unfortunately, despite my insistence that I go alone, Casey won't take 'no' for an answer. He now insists on following me wherever I go. Deep down, I know its because he doesn't want me to do something stupid, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. My shoulder has healed for the most part, but I sill have a slightly limited range of motion. But that hasn't stopped us from beatin' up punks.

But going out also has its risks. Besides the obvious danger with Shredder still on the loose, being topside also means risking an encounter with my brothers. At this point, they are the last people I want to see right now. Right after ol' Shred-head.

It's only a matter of time before they find me. I don't want to see them. I don't want to look into their sad eyes and hear their empty words. I don't need to hear them. I've heard it all before.

Somehow, through the numbness and fog of my mind, only one thought surfaced:

 _Will I go back?_

* * *

 **April's POV**

I stared down at the drawing Leonardo lay out on the table in front of me. I sighed and looked up, trying to flinch at the piercing look he sent me from those electric blue eyes of his. "Leo…drawings aren't always a reliable source. What if it isn't accurate? We could be chasing down some random guy."

His eyes shone like beacons from behind his bright blue mask. "Raph draws from memory, April. Look at this." Leo showed April the drawing of himself. "You still think Raph's drawing won't be accurate?"

I pulled the drawing that had been torn from the book closer and studied it intently. My bottom lip pushed out and I asked, "Is he as accurate with backgrounds as he is with figures?"

Don raised an eye-ridge and leaned over my shoulder so that he could get a better look. "Why? What do you see?"

I motioned the turtles to come closer and pointed at the area directly behind the human where there was a large photo of a hockey team standing on the desk shelf the man was leaning against. My eyes narrowed and I turned to Donatello. "You see that?"

They all narrowed their eyes as I pointed at a figure in the front row with his arm slung playfully around one of the other players' shoulders. "Isn't that the same guy?"

"Whoaaaaa. You're right, bruh!" Mikey stated, awed.

Don brought his hands to his chin thoughtfully. "Indeed. It looks like that was the only face that Raphael bothered to detail. The others are just vague figure outlines."

Leo sent me a curious glance. "So…what does that get us?"

"This looks like a college or professional-level hockey team. And I'm willing to bet that this guy probably hasn't stopped playing. And judging from all the New York sports collectibles he has," I pointed to some of the rare jerseys and autographed pictures in the background, "the guy is most likely a local."

"What's that mean?" Mikey asked.

I frowned. "It means, if he played professional hockey, or even college hockey, we can narrow our search field. It would probably be best to start with the ice rinks."

Don raised a finger. "I hate to be the voice of cynicism here, but do you even realize how many ice rinks there are in this city?"

"I have a few more hours before the rinks close. I might be able to get a bit of investigating done tonight." I took out my camera phone and took a picture of the drawing. Satisfied with how it turned out, I muttered to the guys, "Don't expect immediate results. It'll probably take a while to track down somebody who knows this guy considering the number of people in this city."

I was about to leave when a giant hand latched gently onto my elbow, slowly turning me around. Leo's expression had softened and he looked horrible. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and his frown bent into his face. "April…Thanks for all your help. You have no idea how much this means to me…to us." Leo looked at his brothers and they offered him reassuring grins before solemnly nodding their agreement.

I smiled and put a soft hand on his shoulder. "I can take a guess."

He smiled sadly at that. "Please call us the moment you know anything."

"I will." I promised him. And I would. After everything they had done for me…the least I could do was help them get their brother back.

I rode my bike to the nearest hockey stadium. It was the middle of the season, so a reporter on the scene wouldn't be too unusual. I'd considered the problem from all angles and decided to start with the pros and work my way down.

My first attempt yielded nothing but an angry coach and me getting kicked out for being too great of a distraction. It wasn't until my third stop that I began getting warm. It was late by the time I got there and practice had already ended, so there weren't too many players left. One of them was sitting off to the side while the others got in some extra practice on the ice. I decided to start there. "Hey."

He looked up, giving me a quick once-over before leaning back slightly and giving me a crooked smile. "Hey yourself." He wolf-whistled and I rolled my eyes. "You need somethin' princess?"

My eyes narrowed at his tone. "Just some information." I stated evenly, flashing my press ID at him.

He deflated and crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles immediately tensing up. "What kind?"

I pulled the picture up on my phone and handed it to him. "Ever seen this guy before?"

He glanced at me for a few moments before finally turning his eyes down to the photo of Raph's drawing. His eyebrows shot up. "Yeah, I seen him around. Don't know him very well, though. Used to play pro or somethin' before he got injured. You want more info than that, yur gonna have to ask Gibbs over there." The guy pointed to one of the figures out on the ice. "They're pals."

I waited not-so-patiently for this 'Gibbs' to get off the ice. When they finally did I shot over and called out to him. "Gibbs?"

One of the incredibly large hockey players turned to me and removed his helmet. "Yeah? Who's asking?"

"April O'Neil." I answered offering my hand.

He shook it hesitantly. "What's all this about?"

I showed him my ID and he relaxed a little.

"Official business then?" He asked with a toothy grin.

He seemed like a nice guy, so I decided to go on the level. "No, actually, I'm not. It's just that the ID was the only way they let me in here."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Then what do you want?" He asked, now slightly on-edge again.

"Do you know this guy?" I showed him the picture.

"Casey Jones? Course I do. He's an old friend. Why? Is he in some kind of trouble?"

I could definitely hear the apprehension in his voice. Chances are if I don't come up with a story fast, Gibbs isn't gonna tell me anything other than that. "No, no, nothing like that. It's just that I found some old leftover stuff in his old apartment that I thought he might like to have. Unfortunately, his supposedly 'new' phone number the landlord gave me is a bust. This drawing was in with the stuff. I was hoping maybe you could give me his new contact information?"

Gibbs raised a very suspicious eyebrow. "That's a lot of trouble to go to for a couple of leftover boxes."

"They're full of mementos. Old yearbooks, family photo albums…"

His chilling blue eyes narrowed as he bent intimidatingly over me. "Casey hasn't moved apartments in over ten years. So who _really_ wants to send him those boxes, eh, Red? Let me guess. It was his sister, Jillian, wasn't it?" He growled.

At first I stared wide-eyed for a few moments before I actually managed to create a response. "Uh…yes. Yes it was. She wanted to know where he was so that she could stop by for a visit."

His smirk was positively primeval and he kept getting closer to me, forcing me to back up until I hit the wall of the rink.

"Anyone who knows the Jones siblings knows that they haven't spoken to each other in six years. Jillian would never just 'stop by for a visit.' So why are you really here, Red? I ain't gonna ask you again." He threatened.

I sighed as I realized the futility of my situation. "Fine. Some friends of mine had a fight with their brother and he ran off. Casey Jones is a friend of the one that ran away. My friends are desperate to find their brother and it's possible that Casey Jones is the only one in this entire city who knows where he is."

Gibbs stepped back and I watched in awe as his expression softened. He sighed. "Ay, Case…That's Casey Jones for you. Always willing to help someone in a fix." He pressed two fingers to his temples with a distressed expression. Then he tensed again and frowned. "I'll tell Jones yur looking for him. Comeback tomorrow night and I'll tell you whether or not he wants to talk to ya."

I left the hockey stadium in a flurry, booking out of the building to hop on my bike and speed back to the lair.

"Guys! Guys!"

They all jumped up from where they were seated, watching the news and spoke at once:

"April! Did you find Raph?"

"What's up bruh?"

"What's wrong?"

The sound of someone clearing their throat made everyone quiet down and I turned around to come face-to-face with Master Splinter. Everyone bowed respectfully to the old rat.

"April, have you any news?" He asked softly, and I could see the hope glimmering in his eyes.

I nodded. "His name is Casey Jones. He used to play pro hockey but he had to stop after he had some kind of injury. He had a sister, but they haven't spoken to each other in six years. From what the guy I talked to told me, it sounds like he's a very charitable guy, always willing to help out a friend in trouble. I'm going to meet with that guy again tomorrow for more information. He's going to try and set up a meeting for me and this 'Casey'."

Mikey raised an eye-ridge. "So…Raph's hanging with a professional hockey player? Why does that not surprise me?"

Suddenly there was the sound of a news bulletin and we all turned to the many screens. "We bring you this straight from the mouth of Police Sergeant Sterns. Last night, ten more members of the Foot gang were found bound and gagged in an alley across the street from a police station. The gang members reported being attacked by a vigilante wearing a white hockey mask."

Silence spread through the room. My eyebrows furrowed suspiciously and I turned slowly to the turtles and their father. Splinter was stroking his beard thoughtfully and shaking his head while the turtle brothers were exchanging very uncomfortable glances.

Donnie was the first to speak. "You don't think…"

Leo tensed and remained silent, sending Donnie a look. My eyes widened.

"The white string." Mikey murmured and everyone turned to stare at him. His eyes narrowed a little. "Raph lied to us about the white string because he didn't want us to know about his human friend. A white string…a vigilante wearing a white hockey mask."

Splinter's expression was grave, Leo's even more so as he finally spoke. "It would make sense."

Don sprung into action and ran to Raph's room, his brothers close on his heels.

"Donnie, what—?" Leo began, but Don cut him off.

"We should find the most commonly frequented points on this map where the red and white strings meet. If we patrol those areas we might just have a chance at finding Raph."

"But Donnie, April is going to meet with that guy again tomorrow to get more information. We should wait rather than storming over there and risk running into Raph on the streets. If he knows we're getting close, he might run, and that's the last thing we need."

Don's eyes narrowed. "Easy for you to say! You're the reason he's gone in the first place, Leo!"

I frowned sadly as Leo's normally proud shoulders sank. "I know Don. That's precisely why I'm not going to risk losing him again. If we spook him, Raph could disappear forever!"

The brainy turtle went silent and watched as Michelangelo rushed to wrap their eldest brother in a hug. It wasn't until about half a minute had passed that I realized it was really Leo who was comforting Mikey. The youngest whimpered and whispered. "Raphie will come back, right Leo?"

Leonardo rubbed Mikey's shell softly and leaned into the hug. "I hope so, Mikey. I hope so."

 _I hope so too._

* * *

 **Review Please! So how was it?**


	14. Pep Talk

**Hey Everybody! Sorry this chapter took longer than expected, but it's almost twice as long as the others! Phew. Anyways, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy reading it! Let me know what you think at the end!**

* * *

 **Ch. 14-Pep Talk**

 **Raph's POV**

Five more days. Five more days with the voices in my head. They never stopped. Not even when I slept. They were always there. Surrounding me, pulling me in with tender scenes, rare peaceful moments, then spitting me back out again with harsh words and images of violent fights. I haven't slept much at all. I can't sleep without revisiting the memories. And I can't stay awake without the voices.

 _Raph?_

 _If this is our last moment together, I just want you guys to know I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I was so hard on you. Every time I pushed you, I threatened you, I yelled at you, I pushed you beyond your limits is because I believe in you. I believe in each one of you! I believe in y-your spirit, and your i-intelligence and your potential! And every time I talked about walking away, it was because I was scared! I just didn't think I was good enough to stand next to you, and call you brothers! And say to you: I love you! I love you guys so much!_

My eyes are watering as my own voice rings through my consciousness. I clench my fists and grind out the words through my teeth, "So damn much!"

The tears ran down my face. And I pulled my knees to my chest, dropping my head in my hands. "Not good enough." I whispered brokenly, "Never good enough."

 _Raphael, control your anger!_

So I tried. I tried as hard as I could. I used all my strength. I gave everything I had. And it nearly killed me. We were seven then…

Sensei was always comin' down on me about my anger. He kept tellin' me to control it. So I let it build. I pushed it all into some deep, unreachable place inside me. Too bad he didn't realize how all that anger had built up in the first place.

My brothers don't have many memories of when we were little. But I can remember many incidents, starting about the time when we began to read and write. No matter how hard I tried I was never good enough for Sensei. No, not good enough. All I ever got was criticism. It got so bad that by the time I was seven the only way I knew how to get attention was by doing something that would end up getting me in trouble. Father loved me. I know he did. But he didn't realize how sensitive I was.

It wasn't until sometime during the year we turned five that Don said something to me that would change my life forever. I was in our room, back then we all shared one, and I was laying on my bed, crying my eyes out. Someone came into the room and pulled me into a soft hug. I didn't have to look to know who it was. The way the forest green arms wrapped around me was enough. I leaned into Leo's embrace as he rubbed soft circles on my carapace until my sobs slowed. I hugged him back, and after I stopped crying, he left the room, probably to help Sensei with something. Less than half a minute later, Donatello stepped into the room and looked over at me, and my tear-stained face, with a look of mild annoyance. Even then, Don was way smarter than we were, and he definitely still had that ability to make words sting like bites from a hoard of fire ants. Mikey had been annoying the purple-masked turtle all day, so needless to say, he was already in a cranky mood.

"You're such a crybaby, Raph. What happened this time? Mikey break one of your toys?" He asked with a sneer.

My heart ached as I remembered how much that stung. _Kick a turtle while he's down, eh Donnie?_

"Grow up!" He snapped at me before storming out of the room with whatever he'd needed from there in the first place.

From then on, I changed. I decided that I was going to do what Donnie said. I was going to stop being a baby. After that day, the number of times I cried were few and far between. Whenever something hurt or stung, I pushed it down into a deep, dark place inside of me. A hole. A hole that I filled with all my hurt, all my guilt, all my sadness. The gaping hole grew larger and larger until it threatened to consume me. All of a sudden it was too much. It hurt too much.

Then I made a discovery. I don't remember the specifics like who said what or anything, but one of my brothers did something that hurt my feelings. But instead of feeling hurt, I was angry. Oh, so angry. And it felt _good_. It felt so good.

And that's how it all started. I began to rebuke them with anger because it dulled the hurt.

Anger. Hatred. Loathing. There was so much of it. I couldn't control it. "Never could." I mutter to myself as I sit here, in the dark, in the middle of the night…er, early morning on Casey's couch.

 _And when we were seven…_

It feels almost like a dream now.

Sensei told me that I needed to learn how to control my anger. So I did everything I could. I tried releasing it on my punching bag, additional training, and on long walks alone in the sewers at night when everyone was asleep. But for every bit I released each day, it doubled back ten fold. Sensei didn't understand.

 _He still doesn't._

My father tried to teach me how to channel it. And I soon added two hour lessons with him to my everyday schedule. Then one day, during training I hurt Mikey. I didn't mean to…he said something that made my temper flare and I hit him too hard. That was when I realized what my anger was turning me into: a monster.

From then on, I decided that I couldn't risk being around my brothers any more than necessary. It was too dangerous for them. I would spend the morning in training with them, then afterwards I would retreat into one of the empty rooms. Oddly enough, it was the one I would later claim as my own.

In my solitude my hurt consumed me. And even in those moments of hurt I found a desperate need to release my frustration. That was when I started punching walls.

My anger also led me to a point of self-loathing. I began to hate everything about myself. And as I glanced around at my brothers, watching them from the sidelines as they played and talked and trained, I realized that I would never be good enough. So I got angry. I could see the hurt in their eyes every time we fought, every time I yelled at them. I was hurting them the same way that had hurt me. They didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve them.

The more Sensei pushed me to control my anger, the more I hated myself for never being able to do anything right. I fell deeper and deeper into my own personal hell. I stopped taking care of myself. I lost a lot of weight and my dark emerald green skin grew paler. Sensei didn't notice. I was glad. I vaguely remember that a part of me wanted to waste away.

It wasn't long before I got sick. I told father it was just a cold and he accepted that. Again, I was glad.

But even then, there was a factor I hadn't taken into account: Leonardo. _Stupid, fucking responsible, big-brother-Leo. Even as a seven-year-old he was keeping tabs on us._ He'd been watching me. He knew I hadn't been eating. He knew I hadn't been taking care of my injuries. He knew it was more than just a cold. But Leonardo did something that day that I would be eternally grateful, yet never truly thank him for: He came to **me** first.

I was laying on the cold, concrete floor of the messy, broken-down chamber that would later be my room. My body shook with tremors from the cold that had begun to freeze my senses. My forehead was sweating. I had a fever. I'd been hiding in there all day. I didn't want them to see me. The door opened and I glanced over in time to see Leo's eyes widen and begin to water. "Raph!"

He pulled me into his arms and cradled me gently. I tried to push him away, but I was too weak. I wouldn't look at him. "Go away, Leo."

Leo pulled me closer. "No." He whispered. "Raph…please…" My big brother's voice broke and I finally looked up at him. There were tears in his eyes. _No. This wasn't supposed to hurt him. This was supposed to help, to keep me from hurting him, to keep me from hurting them._ "How long?" He asked weakly. I didn't answer. "You've been starving yourself. How long?" He said more forcefully, his grip tightening oh my shoulders.

"Three months." I whispered weakly. I had been eating, but only enough to keep up appearances. I avoided it as much as possible.

At my response, his grip tightened even further as he pulled me to his chest. "Please stop." He whispered brokenly. "Promise me that you will stop."

I remember that I didn't want to. I knew that if I promised him, I'd never be able to escape. But I couldn't bear hearing that broken lilt in my big brother's voice. I couldn't…I didn't want to hurt him even more than I already had. "I promise." I whispered below my breath.

Leo hooked an arm under my knees and lifted me off the floor. My knees ached. He was bigger than me then. And due to my poor health, lifting me was no challenge. But before he could rush me out of the room and into our father's arms, I grabbed his plastron, ignoring the pain in my elbow as I reached up. "Leo…" Slowly he looked down at me. My already heavy breathing grew more rapid and I know that my fear must have flashed through my eyes. "You gonna tell Dad?"

He thought about it for a long, slow moment. I could see the wheels in his head turning. "No. I won't tell him. As long as you keep your promise, I will keep mine."

 _I never thanked him for that._

I nodded weakly as my senses dulled. More sweat ran down my face. Then my hand dropped and fell limp. My joints ached. Everything swirled together. I didn't realize how tightly I was clinging to him until after I registered that he was running.

"Sensei, Raphie's sick!" He yelled frantically.

I felt our father rush over and I was lifted out of Leonardo's arms, by soft, gentle hands. He was too worried to reprimand me for not telling him the truth about my 'cold.'

"Raphael…" He pressed a hand to my forehead and gasped as he realized I had a fever. He pulled me close to his chest and I pressed up against him. "Raphael…" He called again, and this time I could tell that he wanted an answer.

"Sen…sei…" I managed to murmur weakly.

"I would tell you not to speak, my son, but I need you to tell me what is wrong. Tell me where it hurts."

I struggled for a few moments, breathing heavily. The room was spinning. Sensei's face was getting more and more distorted. "I—Daddy—a"

"Try, my son. Please try."

"I can't…breathe…chest…heavy." But I remember that I didn't care. Sensei was holding me close. That was all I needed. That was all I cared about.

He pulled away slightly and put his ear against my chest. "Breathe deeply, my son."

I tried, but after the first couple breaths I began coughing. Loud, raucous coughs. I saw Mikey pressing himself fearfully against Leo's plastron as they watched from slightly off to the side. Donatello, on the other hand, was already keen on assuming his role as family medic and he was right beside us, looking down at me.

"Daddy…what's wrong with him?" He asked, timidly. His voice was filled with concern.

 _Donnie was scared._ I realized. _Huh. Wonder why I never saw that before…_

My thoughts wandered away from the images of the past and voices filled my head once again.

 _Are you okay?_

 _Are you okay?_

 _Are you okay?_

They asked frantically. Looking back, I grinned. I'd never seen my brothers on that kind of high before. It was amusing. Then my grin vanished. _But even then they were concerned_. Of course they were. They cared about me in spite of it all. In spite of all the times I'd hurt them they still cared.

My heart aches. But I shouldn't expect anything less of them. Despite all the times they hurt me, I've always cared. I care too friggin much. I shouldn't let myself believe that I'm inferior to them. "But it's the truth." I muttered to myself. "It doesn't matter how much it hurts. I still care."

"It shouldn't hurt." A voice muttered from off to the side.

I sighed and rolled my eyes before sliding them over to the figure standing in the shadows to the right of me. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked, genuinely curious. I hadn't sensed him.

Casey's face was set into a grave frown. "Long enough." He sat down beside me.

I waited for the pep-talk that I knew was coming. Surprisingly, it never did. My eyes slowly scanned him up and down. There was a blank expression in his eyes. One that I had come to recognize as the look he got whenever he thought about his missing sibling.

"Raphael. As long as you let them keep bringing you down, as long as you keep apologizing to _them_ for _their_ mistakes, they're never going to learn. They're never going to stop doing this to you. You have to tell them the truth. You have to tell them how you feel. I know it sounds stupid, but believe me when I say that until you tell them how much these things hurt you, they won't stop. Because they themselves don't realize what they're doing."

My lips bent into a deep frown as I mulled over his words there is an edge in his tone that I've never heard before. _Regret_ , I realized. I stared impassively at the human sitting beside me. "Speaking from experience?"

"You better believe it." He muttered.

* * *

 **Casey's POV**

Today's my day off. Normally I'd just hang 'round the apartment and fix whatever needs fixin', but I gotta get out. This whole ordeal that Raph is going through hits me just a little too close to home. I can't stop thinking about Jillian.

Oddly enough, similar as Raph and I are, he reminds me a lot of her. She was such a hothead. So am I. But that was part of the problem. With me and Jillian, we were just too alike for our own good.

From what little I've been able to gather from Raph, Leo's pretty much his opposite.

I grab some old towels from the bathroom cabinet and shove them in my hockey bag. I stop and look at myself in the mirror for a minute. _Well fuck, I look like shit._ Not surprising, since I haven't been sleeping too well lately. Ever since the morning I found Raph passed out on the couch from having too much to drink, I've been keeping an eye on him. Especially in the early hours of the morning. That's when he really hits rock bottom. I don't push him. I know from experience that that isn't the way to go. I keep an eye on him. Just to make sure he does nothing stupid.

I wash my face and run my fingers through my hair rather than combing it. Raph looks up at me from couch. "Finally getting some sleep?" I asked.

His eyes dulled slightly. "Few winks here 'n there." He stated. I could see his eyes flicking up to my bag and equipment. "Ya goin' out?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Gonna hang with one of my old high school chums. Get on the ice and poke the puck around. I'll be back in a couple hours."

Raphael nodded solemnly. Then his impassive face melted into a glower. "You come back with a busted joint an' I'll punch you in the face."

I chuckled and saluted him. "Yes sir."

He rolled his eyes. "Whack-bag."

"Dome-head!" I countered as I opened the door and strutted out, now with a smile on my face.

"Meat-sac!" He muttered as the door was almost closed.

"I heard that, shell-for-brains!" I closed the door with a soft click and smiled as I heard him chuckle.

When I got to the hockey stadium, Gibbs was waiting for me. "Hey Buddy!" I said with a grin.

But he didn't smile back. Instead he seemed to be sizing me up.

"Dude, what's up, man?"

Gibbs frowned. "You know a reporter named April O'Neil?" He asked.

I raised an eyebrow and shook my head. "No. Why?"

My old bud sighed. "She came here with a picture of ya askin' who ya were."

I frowned deeply. "She didn't say why?"

He sighed. I looked him in the eyes and he finally caved. "At first she made up some bogus excuse about ya movin' and her having some boxes of yers. I called her out on that. Then she said that she wanted to talk to you because she thinks you know something about some friend of hers."

I crossed my arms over my chest and regarded him curiously. "That doesn't sound like anything to be concerned about."

Gibbs regarded me concernedly. "Are you sure? She's coming by again today for more info. If you don't want to talk to her…We can just tell her to scram."

I grinned slightly and put a hand on my friend's shoulder. "It won't hurt to see what she really wants. Relax, man! Why are you so tense about this?" I asked, punching him lightly in the shoulder.

"It's probably nothing." Gibbs said with a shrug. "But I don't know…You've been in trouble before and what if…"

I sighed. "Seriously Gibbs, relax. I'll talk to her. If she's completely bogus then I'll send her packing."

He nodded.

"When is she coming?"

"Later tonight."

I smiled and got out my hockey stick. "Good. That gives us enough time for a couple of rounds."

Gibbs smiled.

We spent about three hours just playing. And it felt really good to be back on the ice. Then I saw something flash across Gibbs' face and I stiffened, skating over to him. "Y'okay?" I asked.

"That's her." He said flatly, nodding over my shoulder.

I turned around and as my eyes fell on the female sitting in the stands my jaw dropped. "Wow." I said, gawking.

Gibbs rolled his eyes and skated past me, purposely bumping my shoulder as he went. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't let the good looks fool ya. She's still a reporter."

I frowned at my friend before following close behind him. When we reached the outside of the rink I said my farewells, reassuring him that yes, I could handle the reporter on my own.

I still had my mask on as I walked up to her.

I noted the way that she glared when I took a seat right beside her. _Huh. Feisty_. I ignored the glare and took off my skates. She watched me warily, growing increasingly tense. "Did you need something?"

I smiled lopsidedly behind my mask. "That's my question, toots."

Her eyes narrowed. "Toots?" She parroted angrily.

"Babe?" Her glare didn't fade. "Sweetcakes?" Still no change. "Ah, Princess!" I said. I frowned. "Gimme a hint here, I'm downin'…?"

She jumped to her feet. "Please just leave me alone."

"I can if ya want, but since ya were the one so eager to see me, I'd kinda like to know why." I reached up and removed the hockey mask from face so that I could stare earnestly at her.

She seemed shocked by the change.

"Name's Casey Jones." I muttered evenly, offering her my hand.

"April O'Neil." She replied, taking my sweaty hand with great disdain.

I couldn't help but crack a smile at the way her nose crinkled disgustedly. I chuckled and she glared at me. "My friend Gibbs tells me you gave him some bogus excuses yesterday. So tell me the truth. Why are you really here?" I asked with a knowing stare.

'April' shrunk back in her seat. "I want more information."

"About what?" I raised an eyebrow at the evenness of her tone.

Her eyes gleamed. "About the hockey masked vigilante running around beating up Foot soldiers."

Despite my best efforts, every muscle in my body tensed. I slapped my hand over her mouth and looked around to make certain that no one had overheard that. She seemed offended by my action and wiped her mouth vigorously after I pulled my hand away.

Thankfully, the woman had enough sense not to say anything further and make me do it again.

I leaned towards her and whispered, "This isn't a good place. Come with me."

We went out to the parking lot where I climbed on my motorcycle and threw her the extra helmet.

"I'm not getting on that thing." April objected as she caught the helmet.

"You wanna talk, or what?" I asked pointedly.

She got on and put her arms around me. I could feel my face getting hot, but I pushed that aside. There were more important things to worry about. I drove as quickly as I could to my apartment. I didn't know where else to go. I had to convince her not to report me. Somehow.

It wasn't until we reached the door that I remembered Raphael was still there. Shit. I pulled my keys out, purposely jingling them. It was a signal we'd agreed on when he'd first come to stay at my place. Jingling keys meant hide. I just hope he's not too distracted to notice it.

I pushed in front of April purposely, and blocked the door for a split second while I made sure the turtle was not there. _Phew. Good. He's hiding._

I let April in and closed the door behind her, locking it soundly. "Alright. Now we can talk. What do ya want?"

"What do I want?" She repeated, seemingly confused.

My eyes narrowed. "Yeah. You know I'm the Hockey Masked Vigilante. What's it gonna take for me to keep ya quiet?"

She glared at me and put her hands on her hips. Then, just like that, she deflated like a popped balloon. "I'm not here to blackmail you. And I'm not really here about the vigilante nonsense either."

I stiffened in apprehension and glared at her. "Then what do ya want?"

"Raphael." She whispered.

I went stock-still. Then anger surged through me. My fists clenched. Then something clicked and the rage drained out of me. "April." I whispered.

The reporter gave me an odd stared. I ignored it.

"You're April." I stated, my young friend's long, twisted tale of how he and his brothers came to be and how they first fought the Shredder echoing in my mind.

"What the fuck are you doin' here?" A low gravely growl burst out from the shadows, making both April and I jump.

"Raphael…" She began stepping towards him, her eyes examining him. April's gaze seemed to linger on the scar in his plastron for a few moments before flicking softly over his more recent injuries, and finally shifting up to his bloodshot and weary eyes.

I watched in fascination as the hard exterior she exhibited towards me came crashing down when she reached tenderly towards his shoulder.

He jerked away. "Get the fuck out of here."

I frowned and pulled my attention off of April, turning it instead to my young friend. His fists are clenched. His breathing is labored. He's barely keeping it together. "Look, April…I think you should…" I tried to grab her arm and pull her away gently.

April yanked herself free of my grip, focused solely on the giant turtle in my living room. "Raphael! Please! Just listen! Your brothers want to talk to you! They're worried!" She yelled desperately as I tried to pull her away again.

Raph's eyes were lit with rage as he whirled around and yelled, "I don't fucking care!"

Silence spread through the room and lingered for a long time.

I slowly moved forward, put a hand on his now healed shoulder, and looked straight up into his eyes. "We both know that's not true, Raph." I stated evenly. In the back of my mind I knew that the babe…er April…was still watching us, but right now Raph needed my advice. As the turtle slowly looked down and met my gaze with a pained expression, I sighed. "Raph…I know this hard. We've talked about it a million times over the past month or however long it's been. And like I said, I'm not going to tell you what to do. But I think both of us know what needs to be done."

"Case…" He whispered, dejectedly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw April's face soften as she, too, heard the turtle's distress.

"I…I just don't know if I can…I don't know how." Raph muttered, his shoulders drooping.

"Just try Raph. If you don't try, you'll never know." I said, trying desperately to get him to see sense.

Raph's head snapped up and his eyes flashed. _He's going to start making excuses,_ I realized. "But how can I talk to them? How can I talk to **him**? After what happened…"

"Raph, think about this. Is this really the way you want this to end? You really want to just walk away? I know you love 'em, man. I can see that clear as day in the way you act when ya talk ta me about 'em. I know you don't want to just give them up! You care about 'em, don't ya?" I asked him, already knowing the answer.

Raph growled under his breath, "You know I do."

"Then you can't just let it go like this. You gotta think this through. So think. Do you really wanna lose them? Lose all those family moments? You wanna be stuck with just memories of a past life? You really wanna lose all the people you care about more than anything else? What purpose would your life have then, huh?"

Raph's shoulder drooped and he looked straight down into my eyes. "But it…what happened…it hurt. It hurt more than any wound or any torture could have done." The soft, fiery eyes turned cold and determined. "I won't let them hurt me like that again."

My stare held that same determination as I looked Raph right in the eye. "So don't." I paused and then went on, "But don't let your hurt make you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life." I choked as I suddenly found myself blinking back the tears. "Don't make the same mistake I did, Raph. It isn't worth it."

I caught April staring at me with a deeply contemplative glance and I immediately turned away, trying to conceal my emotional state.

Raph stood with his fists clenched, head bowed, and eyes closed. Finally he straightened and turned to April. "There's an abandoned warehouse down by the docks at pier twenty-three. Tell my brothers to meet me on the roof of that building in a week from now." Raph threw a brief glance in my direction before turning back to April. "We'll…talk."

April nodded solemnly. Raph knew she would do as he asked.

After squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, I met his eyes and sent him a look that said: You're doing the right thing. I could tell from his expression that he was grateful.

April O'Neil stepped up to him and he tensed a little. "I'm glad you're alright, Raphael."

He let out a bitter chuckle that made my hair stand on end. I was a little concerned, but decided not to be any more reassuring than necessary.

The female news reporter seemed as stunned and concerned as I was. Especially after Raph muttered, "Oh I'm far from alright, Ape."

She cupped both sides of his face softly and pulled him into a one-sided hug. He shrugged her off gently and she peeled away. Then she turned back to me. "I'm gonna need a ride back to the hockey stadium." She stated. "I left my bike there."

I frowned a little and turned to Raph. "You wanna come with? We could take the rooftops."

He shook his head. "No thanks, Jones. I need some time to think."

As I grabbed my baseball cap off the bookshelf I muttered, "We'll talk when I get back."

"Oh yeah, sure as shell we will." He quipped sarcastically.

My lips pulled up into a grin. "Nobody doubts the word of Casey Jones, reptile! When I say we gonna talk, we gonna talk. One-on-one. Man-to-man style."

"Man-to-turtle style." He grumbled with mock-annoyance, which I might have actually thought was real if it weren't for the tiny tilt of a smirk at the corner of his mouth. I punched him good-naturedly in the arm and he punched back, this pattern repeated a few times before I finally cut it short and headed for the door. "We'll finish that when you get back, too, Jones!" He yelled after me as I turned for the door.

April didn't say goodbye to Raph. I think she realized that it would turn his mind back to his brothers and ruin his good spirits. She hopped silently on to the back of my motorcycle and we drove at a much slower pace to the hockey stadium. When we got there, she dismounted and handed me my extra helmet. Before I could leave she grabbed my shoulder. The look in her eyes told me this was going to be more than just a casual conversation, so I turned off the bike and removed my helmet.

"I've never seen Raph act that way with anyone before."

The wind blew my dark locks into my face and I pushed them away with my hand before tucking them behind my ear. "What d' ya mean? He's a teenager. Teenagers act like that all the time." I watched her zip up her jacket to protect her from the wind.

And she finally answered. "He's never opened up to anyone like that before."

With a shrug of my shoulders I looked into her eyes. "Well, sometimes all it takes is someone outside the family. Besides…we're two of a kind. I understand him. He's a good kid. He's going through rough times."

She gave me a suspicious glare. "Why are you so eager to help him?"

The answer came out before I even registered the thought. "He's just like me."

"What do you mean?" April asked, seemingly puzzled by my answer.

I stare deep into her eyes, earnestly, willing her to try and understand. "We're both hotheads. We don't really have a place in this world because people don't really understand us. They don't understand why we'd do anything for this city, for the people in it. They don't understand what drives us, what makes us tick…" I lowered my voice a little. "What tears us apart…They have no idea how hard it is for us to look in a mirror without seeing a monster."

The redhead stared at me with a blank face. "People call Raph a monster because he's a mutant. You're a human."

The grin that spread across my face was wide and my eyes flashed maniacally. I shook my head and I noticed that she had suddenly gotten very uncomfortable. "Oh, but that's the thing about monsters, Red." I met her gaze. "Humans are the worst kind."

* * *

 **I was going to add more on the end here, but I just thought that Casey's words here would be a great note to end it on. So next chapter April reports to the turtles and…we'll see what happens!**

 **How was it? What was your favorite part? Any other comments/tips/pointers? Anything you didn't like? Please let me know! Review Please!**


	15. Hunted

**PLOT TWIST! BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING! *chuckles evilly***

 **Just a friendly little reminder, this fic is rated T for Raphael and Casey's foul mouths.**

* * *

 **Ch. 15-Hunted**

 **Raph's POV**

 _Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT!_

I never should have let Case talk me into this. But after a long, emotional talk, both of us had needed some release. So we went out on the town. Big mistake. My mistake. I shouldn't have agreed. If I hadn't we'd never be in this mess.

There are Foot on all sides. It doesn't matter which way I run, there are Foot. Foot in the alleys, Foot on the Rooftops. Casey hurt his leg. I've got him slung over my fucking shoulder, despite all his protests. A wall of Foot Soldiers jumped out into the alley in front of us and I turned down another. I could hear their feet trampling on the roofs above us. "We're being hunted." I growled lowly. Glancing back over my shoulder at the rapidly approaching Foot ninja.

As I ran, I glanced back again when a heavy thud sounded in front of me. A feeling of intense dread ran up and down my spine. My lip curled in anger and disgust as I snarled, "Shredder." I could immediately feel the other Foot Ninja pulling back.

So that was their plan. Corral us straight into their leader's clutches. My eyes narrowed. No escape. We're trapped here. Shit.

"Raphael." He sneered. I growled. "I am surprised to find you alive. I believe this is the third time you've managed to avoid death at my hand. Tell me, how many times do I have to kill you before you stay dead?" He asked condescendingly.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked, my tone more scalding than acid.

"I marked you with my symbol in hopes of bringing your rat master out of hiding. But because you failed to die, it seems that it did not yield the desired effect."

"You talking about a fight, or a science project?!" I said insultingly. He bristled. I smirked. "So what? You come all this way just to finish me off?" I bared my teeth.

"Yes." He said coolly. That one word swept over me like a chilling breeze as the air went stagnant. I put Casey down and he grunted.

Then I turned back to Shredder and drew my sais. "Go ahead and kill me for all I care." I issued challengingly. "They won't. I'm not part of their family anymore." I stated evenly. I could just feel the smirk behind that mask of his.

"In that case, perhaps we could make a deal. Your life…for their worthless ones."

I pretended to be interested, and judging by the look on Casey's face I'm doing a damn good job. Truth be told, I'm really just prolonging the inevitable. Hoping against hope that somehow an opening will present itself. I raised an eye-ridge in mock-interest. "What's the catch?"

"You aid in my capture of them. You let them see that you're no longer weak. That they can no longer hurt you. You will show them that you have pledged allegiance to me!" For a few moments I looked down, refusing to meet his gaze. "In your fucking dreams, asshole!" I said, my eyes flashing with rage.

"So be it." He growled.

I fought him off as long and as hard as I could. But I was not strong enough.

The sound of a blade slicing through flesh rang in my ears, echoed not long after by another slice, and then another, and another. Fuck…

I could feel the numbness beginning to take over as the pain radiated through my body. A loud thud echoed as he finally kicked me in the plastron, shoving me backwards about ten feet. As I slid across the concrete roof, my hands went limp and my sais clattered down to the hard, grey surface.

After a long moment of inaction, I dared to lift my gaze. There was the sound of a scuffle. Casey…right now the human wasn't doing too bad, but his luck wouldn't hold out for long. That I knew. I growled and forced myself up, ignoring the pain as I leapt up, grabbing Casey and tossed him off the end of the building. I watched him fall and he grabbed the fire escape in time to slow his descent. I lay flat out on the edge of the building and met his gaze. "Go." I coughed out. I could see the horror in his eyes. "Go…" I repeated as I lost consciousness. As my eyes slid closed my final thoughts were: _Go Casey…save yourself…_

* * *

 **Casey's POV**

Raph threw me off the building and I was barely able to catch myself in time. I stared up at him. "Go." He mouthed. He was bleeding. Losing blood rapidly. I can't just leave him behind… "Go." He repeated. I watched as he fell unconscious, Shredder plucking him up off the building. No…Raph! The armored figure turned down towards me and I wasted no more time in making a run for it. I managed to get down into the sewers and ran back to my apartment. I immediately pulled out the phone book. There was no April O'Neil listed. Shit!

I then got on the computer and searched the web for a name, a number, anything. Finally, I called the News Agency and demanded to speak with her. I said that it was a family emergency and the only number that the hospital had been given was her work number. Luckily for me the ruse worked. They gave me her home phone. I called her. I called three times before she actually answered me.

 _"Hello?"_

"April?"

 _"Yes?"_

"This is Casey Jones. We need to meet."

 _"What? Do you know what time it i—"_

"I need you to meet me somewhere. NOW!"

I could hear her yawn. _"Eleventh and Bleaker."_

"Alright, I'll be right there." I hung up and ran out of the apartment. I'd completely forgotten about my bleeding leg. I'd forgotten about my bruised ribs and my probably broken wrist.

When I reached the meeting point and saw April, I ran even faster. "April!"

She looked over at me and stared in shock. "What the hell happ—"

I cut her off. "I need you to take me to the turtles!"

Her eyes narrowed. "What? Why?"

I stalked up to her and grabbed the collar of her jacket, yanking her forward violently. "Dammit woman! Take me to the goddamn turtles, NOW!"

Her hands shook. I think she saw the fear in my eyes, because she nodded and immediately led me over to the nearest manhole.

She led the way through a maze of tunnels with twists and turns that I never would have been able to navigate this otherwise. Good thing I didn't waste time trying to find them myself.

We emerged in a big, open room and I glanced around. It's exactly as Raphael described it. An old subway station. Cool place. But that's not what I need to be thinking about right now. I heard a soft shuffle of feet and my eyes locked on a shadowy corner of the room where a large, green figure was standing.

"April." The figure acknowledged. "Who's this?"

I shot forward. "Casey Jones. Sorry fer not exchanging pleasantries, but Raph's been taken!"

"Taken?! What do you mean taken?! Where is my brother?!" He growled, stalking dangerously up to me. I could actually see him for the first time. Raph's mutterings suddenly began to make a lot more sense. _Leo. Blue-eyed, imposing, the leader. A fiercely overprotective older sibling._

I ignored him and yelled as loud as I could. "MIKEY! DONNIE! MASTER SPLINTER!" I recited the names Raphael had mentioned over and over over the past month.

I heard the sound of doors slamming and feet running rapidly from all sides. A purple-masked turtle entered the room from a door to our left. Donnie. Followed shortly after by an orange-masked blur coming up from a long hallway on our right.

Don spoke first. "What's going on? Who's…?" His big, brown eyes widened as he stared at me. "Isn't that…?"

"Yeah." I stated evenly.

"What is going on in here?" A commanding voice asked from behind us. I whirled around and he stared sternly down at me.

Leo stepped forward a little and muttered. "Sensei. This is Casey Jones."

"Hmm. I see."

I growled impatiently. "Look, I hate to break up the family chat, but Raph's been taken!"

"What?" Don asked shocked.

"Taken?" Mikey parroted.

"Explain." Master Splinter barked, his eyes narrowed.

"He threw me off the building and told me to run. Shredder said he was going to kill him! We have to hurry! C'mon!"

Leonardo grabbed my shoulder. "First of all, you're injured. Second, we need a plan."

My temper flared and shoved the hand off my shoulder violently. "Fuck off, Leo! Raph was wounded! He could be dying! There isn't time to make a plan! I'm going to find them! With or without your help! Maybe Raph was right. Maybe you don't give a damn!"

The next thing I knew he had pinned me down and pressed his katanas to my throat. "I care more deeply about my little brothers than anything else in the world!" He growled.

"Raph doesn't think so." I murmured, my eyes meeting his. I took advantage of his momentary shock to remove myself from his pin. Both of us glared at each other with fire in our eyes. "Like I said, I'm going after him. Whether you help me or not. That shithead brother of yours stuck his neck out for me! And I sure as shell ain't lettin' him die for it!"

* * *

 **Well, how was it? Review please!**

 **Did you like the plot twist? What are your thoughts?**


	16. Facing Demons

**Hello Everyone! I know I said I would try to update this soon and I'm so sorry that it has taken me this long! Life is just very busy right now. Anyway, I love this chapter. I'm sorry that it took so long! I can't apologize enough!**

 **I also wanted to let you guys know that I have entered this story into a FanFiction competition on Inkitt.**

 **And any votes I could get would be greatly appreciated! (I just thought that some of you might want to vote for this story and that is why I have put this here)**

 **The link for this story on Inkitt is:** **www** dot **inkitt** dot **com** forward-slash **stories** forward-slash **54410**

 ***And I wrote out the** dot **. and the** forward-slashes **/ because fanfiction doesn't like links. Sorry it is such a pain.**

 **Also any feedback of things that you think I can work on or add to my writing to help make it better, not necessarily for the competition, but just in general. All of that is greatly appreciated, so please review and tell me what you think!**

 **I love you guys! Thank you so much for you continued interest in this story!**

 **I know, I know, I talk...er…type too much.** **But I do need to warn you: there are a lot of blood, pain, and injuries in this chapter!**

* * *

 **Ch. 16-Facing Demons**

"Stop this, both of you! This argument will get us no nearer to saving Raphael." Mikey interjected, making both of them quiet down.

"Sensei?" Leonardo asked softly, obviously turning to his father for guidance.

The old rat sighed. "My son, if this human is telling the truth about Raphael's condition, then I am afraid he is right. We must move immediately. We shall plan as we go along."

Leo's lip curled a little, resentful that this human had the audacity to come in here and tell him what was to be done about his brother. Of course Raphael's safety was paramount, but so was the safety of his other sibling and his father. A 'do it as we go' plan would mean increased danger for all of them.

"But how will we find out where Shredder is keeping him? Raph didn't have his t-phone and—"

Leo cut Donnie off midsentence as he sheathed his katanas and loaded some shuriken into the pouch on his belt. There was a razor sharp edge to the eldest turtle's voice as he turned to Casey and ordered, "Take me to the roof."

Casey bristled. "I'll do it, for Raph's sake. But I don't take orders from anyone! Especially not you!"

The eldest turtle growled and stepped into the human's space, but Casey Jones would not be intimidated. Casey even took a step forward to prove it to the mutant turtle. Leo bent down in Casey's face and whispered, "If you want to continue being friends with my brother, you won't have a choice."

"We'll see about that after we get him back." Casey retorted, just as confident. He broke eye contact, grabbed a bat from his golf bag, and muttered, "Follow me."

"I'm going with you." A feminine voice stated from the back of the room.

Four pairs of eyes turned disapprovingly at her. Casey, however, was impressed by her bravery and devotion to her friends. The human frowned as he realized that the mutants were not about to let April anywhere near the action if they could help it. Splinter was the first one to speak.

"Ms. O'Neil, we cannot possibly risk your life in this battle."

"Raphael is part of my family too. I will do whatever it takes to help you get him back."

Leo shook his head and help up a hand. "No. It's out of the question. You could be killed."

"And I couldn't have been killed last time I helped you save the city?"

Casey growled uncomfortably, making all eyes, human and mutant turn to him. "We don't have time for this. Every minute we waste is a minute Raph may or may not have. We need to go now."

"I'm going with you." April repeated resolutely.

Master Splinter sighed. "Very well. I sense we will be unable to stop you, April."

"Damn straight." She muttered.

Casey smiled a little bit. _A woman after my own heart_ , he thought to himself. Then he snapped out of it, his fingers tightening around the bat in his hands. "Hang in there Raph, we're coming for ya, buddy."

* * *

 _Where am I?_ Raphael thought slowly as he opened his eyes a little. He was being restrained, strapped to some kind of table. He hissed and shut his eyes again as he was immediately blinded by bright, stinging lights.

"So, you're finally awake." A deep voice rumbled out from the back of the room, behind the lights.

Raph snarled, doing his best to fight the pain and stare straight past the light to where he believed Shredder's eyes were. "Fuck you." He growled.

A dark chuckle echoed around him. Raphael shuddered. He was no longer a child. He knew what guys like Shredder did to anyone who opposed them. And he knew that the Foot would have never bothered taking him alive unless Shredder had planned on seeing him suffer. Raph felt light-headed and he knew that his wounds must have bled out quite a bit, or perhaps, were even still bleeding. His muscles tensed as he looked up to see Shredder's face, partially scarred and mutilated, looming over him. Oroku Saki's eyes flashed and a maniacal grin spread across his face.

Raphael wanted nothing more than to edge away, but because of the restraints, he could do nothing more than turn his head. The tip of one of Shredder's gauntlet blades sliced a shallow cut down the side of the turtle's face.

"What fears keep you awake, I wonder? What lurks in the darkest corners of your subconscious? What demons hide there?"

Raph snarled. "You expect me to tell you?"

Shredder's smile made Raph cringe. "Not willingly. But you will tell me."

With a renewed surge of strength Raphael spit in Shredder's face. The leader of the Foot clan grabbed him by the throat. One quick snap and he'd be dead. But Shredder's grip slowly loosened and released the turtle. Raph's gaze was stronger than steel. "I won't break."

"I will break you."

"Never."

"I will make you experience your worst fears."

Raphael raised a doubtful eye-ridge, giving no indication of how terrified he was on the inside. He was determined to die with his honor, even if he lost everything else. "And just how are you going to do that?" He asked goadingly, trying to buy himself some time.

Unfortunately it was not to be. Shredder crossed the room to a table in the corner and grabbed something off of it. He returned to Raphael's side and showed it to the turtle. It was a syringe.

Raph rolled his eyes. "Gee, that's certainly very original." He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. He grunted in pain as the needle was suddenly shoved into his arm roughly. As he instinctively tried to writhe away, it only hurt even more, but he kept trying. Of course, his resistance was futile and his motions ceased as Shredder roughly yanked the syringe back out. Raphael didn't make a sound.

"Your tolerance for pain is remarkable." Shredder said darkly.

Raph tried to growl, but the room began to spin and he gasped instead. Images of insects and spiders flashed before his eyes and he shook his head. Ghosting sensations, the feeling of little legs crawling all over him, made him start to squirm. "No…" He whispered, shaking his head from side to side vehemently. Raph hated bugs of all kinds. Ever since an incident in the sewers ten years ago, that he had never told his brothers or father about, Raphael had exhibited a classic case of entomophobia. But this wasn't real. None of this was real. "Not…real." He murmured, taking a deep breath and repeating over and over again in his head: this isn't real. Slowly, the sensations faded and the images ceased to plague him. He let out an audible sigh of relief, but his body went rigid as Shredder's dark chuckle echoed through the room once again.

"You can't beat it, turtle. You may have won for now, but the drug will eventually coax out your innermost fears. All I have to do is wait."

"Why?" Raph was now panting, sweat running down his brow. He struggled, but no other words would come.

Once again, Shredder raised his gauntlet to the turtle's face, but this time he made no mark. The bright light reflected off the blades, Raphael's drugged mind made them seem much more terrifying. He reflexively jerked away, making Shredder's eyes narrow. The leader of the Foot stared grimly at the turtle. Anger at the way that the laboratory freaks had foiled his plans the year before raged within him and the idea of finally eliminating them and having his revenge left him feeling sated. But if those monstrosities thought he was about to let them off that easy, they would have to think again. He wasn't just going to _destroy_ the turtles and their rat father, he was going to make them _suffer._

He leaned in close to the immobilized turtle, speaking lowly into its ear as he answered the question. "I will use them to break you. Your brothers and father will come. They will be too late, of course, but I'm sure they'd appreciate knowing how long it had taken for your inner demons to consume you."

"You'll never break me." Raph wheezed out to the best of his ability, his defiance shining true to form in his bright green eyes. Then another wave of dizziness hit him, and his head fell back onto the table.

More images flashed before his eyes, this time accompanied by familiar voices:

"I'm going in! Donnie, come with me. Raph, you watch Mikey's back. We'll rejoin you once we've deactivated the bomb."

"What, so now I'm a babysitter?"

"Shut up and do it!"

Raph had drawn back. It was a big operation. Two rival gangs had finally had enough of each other and one decided it wanted to blow up a residential building in the other gang's territory to make a statement. In the alley between some of the old, dilapidated tenement buildings, Raphael and Michelangelo were doing their best to keep most of the gang members busy long enough for Leo and Donnie to defuse the bomb. Watch Mikey's back, Leo had said. Raph scoffed. He wasn't anyone's baby sitter. And Mikey could take care of himself, so he gradually pulled away and diverted all his focus to beating the crap out of the guys in front of him. All of a sudden, something didn't feel right. He whirled around just in time to see a burly gang member bring a wrench down on the back of Mikey's head.

"Mikey! NO!" Raph exclaimed, not realizing that he had been deliriously muttering about the images in his head, giving Shredder exactly what he wanted. "No! Mikey!"

Raph rushed to Mikey's side and lifted his little brother into his arms. The gang members were gone now, vanished from mind. It was just him and Mikey. Warm, thick blood coated Raphael's hands as he cradled Mikey's head. The orange-masked turtle's eyes were open and glassy.

"No! NO!" Raph keened with grief. "I should have protected you! I should have saved you! I'm the one who should be dead! I'm your big brother; I'm supposed to protect you! I'm supposed to die first!" He sobbed, horrified by this living nightmare. It was too real, too close to what had actually happened about six months ago.

Mikey had been hit from behind on a mission much like that one. Raph was supposed to watch Mikey's back, and to protect his little brother. But he had failed. One of the fiends had snuck up on Mikey from behind, striking him over the head. Thankfully, it had been a baseball bat and not a wrench, but it had left Raph horrified by how close he had come to losing his baby brother.

The cold, sterile air of the room he was in chilled the warm tears on his cheeks and he was abruptly reminded, through his drug-hazy mind, of Shredder, his capture and the drug that had ben introduced into his system. Gathering what little strength he could salvage, he shook his head. "No. I will protect them. I will protect them. Gah!"

He was left reeling for a few moments as he was sucked into another delusion. His body began to shake. It was suddenly very cold. He was alone, completely and utterly, alone. There were no visions, no images, just an awful loneliness. Then…the voices began again.

"Every time we're in the Hashi, it's because of you!"

"You're so stupid!"

"I'm better than you!"

"Raphael, control your temper!"

"Do you even realize how much you hurt them?"

"Raph, stop it, you're hurting me!"

"You're a horrible brother!"

"—disappointed in you, Raphael."

"One day you're going to get us all killed!"

 _Killed…killed…killed…killed…killed…_ It echoed mockingly in his head. All of their words repeated over and over, like an song set on repeat. He could feel more tears staining his cheeks. He was still too far-gone to realize that he was murmuring most of the words out loud.

Shredder stood with his back straight and his head lifted, pleased by how well the drug was working.

Then Raphael saw Leo's face. Leo's face in charcoal. The drawing he had made, but with one slight change: the eyes. The eyes were…alive. Leo's bright-blue eyes glared harshly down at him. "You've betrayed our family."

"No…no…" Raphael whimpered. No! He couldn't allow himself to break. He couldn't allow Shredder the satisfaction! He couldn't let his family down, not again!

 _I'm not strong enough. I can't—_ His thoughts were cut short as once again voices from the past rang in ears. Only this time…

"I love you, Raphie!"

"You're the best!"

"I love you very much, my son." Raphael swore he could feel his father's arms surrounding him and holding him close.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?"

"Are you okay?" Their voices chorused, riddled with genuine concern.

Raphael's strength was renewed. A few more tears wet his cheeks, not of fear or devastation, but of love. He whispered, so quietly it was barely audible, as his mind filled with images of brothers, "I love you guys."

Shredder frowned and made a fist. The turtle was proving stronger than he had thought. Still, the drug wouldn't wear off for at least another couple of hours. But the peak period of efficiency only had about fifteen minutes remaining. After that, the drug would no longer be at its most potent.

The damaged ceiling and the bright lights came briefly back into focus for Raphael, but as he stared into the lights, delirium claimed him once again. And this time, it was a nightmare he knew well.

The demon that had taken hold of him so many years ago, the creature that he had allowed to consume him, here it was, in it's truest form.

Concrete rooftops in the rain. Voices shouting, struggling to be heard. He saw himself. Bitter and angry, he clenched his sais in his hands. Leo was yelling at him. They all were. He was snarling, absorbing the hurt and turning it into anger, soaking it all up like a sponge. He lunged at Leonardo, who swept effortlessly out of the way.

"Too slow, Raphael!" The leader crowed cockily.

Raphael tried the same with the others, but they all managed to dodge him. Anger consumed him, taking complete control of his actions. He flung Donatello's bō out of the brainiac's hands. Don's eyes widened as he realized that Raphael was not playing around this time.

Raph pulled back his sai and thrust it forward with all his might. His brothers cried out, rushing forward.

His anger had turned him into a monster.

A horrendous, gut-wrenching crack echoed in the air, followed by the sound metal tearing through flesh. All of Raphael's rage drained away, replaced with complete and utter horror. "Leo…"

Leonardo had shoved his way in front of Donatello. Raphael suddenly found himself staring into the wide, unnaturally bright eyes of his only older sibling.

"R-Raphael…" Leo rasped, falling forward into Raph's arms. One of Leo's hands, sticky with blood, clawed its way up to Raphael's face, desperately cupping his younger brother's cheek. Leo's eyes dimmed and softened slightly as his strength began to fade. "…What have you done?" He asked. His voice was airy and strained. Eerily absent eyes peered up into Raph's before closing as he breathed his last breath.

"M-monster. I really am a monster." He wailed as the images finally faded away. As long as he was around, his brothers would be in danger. No matter how hard he had tried to control his anger, he had failed. So, no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to protect his brothers from the monster inside of him.

Better to die. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks. He fell limp against the table. The bright defiance in his eyes faded, leaving only a washed-out, yellow-green stare. Raphael was listless, and for the second time in his life, he felt ready to concede death.

Shredder's eyes narrowed and he bent down to speak, hauntingly, into Raphael's ear. "I told you, you do not belong with them. You are too dangerous. Your heart is filled with darkness. It makes you stronger, but your family is holding you back. Ally with me, Raphael. Tell me what I want to know and you will be my apprentice. Join the Foot and you shall have the power and respect you deserve, the kind your so-called family has never given you! Join me and you can make them pay for what they turned you into."

Raphael stared straight up at the ceiling. He failed to respond at first, his torpid eyes seldom blinking.

The corner of Oroku Saki's mouth turned up into the slightest shadow of a smirk. Raphael, the toughest of the turtles, had been broken. Shredder's revenge on the turtles was as good as done. Raphael would tell him what he wanted to know and—

Smirk melting down to a frown, Shredder stiffened. A hint of light had returned to the turtle's eyes.

Raphael's face remained vacuous and his eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling. "Never."

Shredder glared furiously at the monstrosity, grabbing tight hold of Raphael's neck and squeezing hard.

A hurried, gasping, rasping stream of words left the turtle's mouth, as Shredder continued to apply more and more pressure. "I may be filled with anger and hatred, I may be bitter, but I will never be half the monster you are! And I will never betray my family. Not for all the power in the world. Because they gave me something you wouldn't understand! Something you will never have—ah!" His eyes rolled back, he squirmed. His chest heaved and his mouth gasped for breath, his voice cracked as he forced out his last word, "—Love." With that, he slumped back against the table, his eyes closed.

Shredder withdrew his hands from the turtle's lifeless body. His face was hard as he strode over to the door. Just outside was man seated in front of numerous sound and computer systems. "Did you get it?" He finally snapped, his fury ringing in his voice.

The man nodded, nervously. "Yes, Master Shredder, every word."

"Good. Give it to Karai. See that she extracts only the parts which might be of use against the turtles."

"Y-Yes sir, right away." Shredder began to walk away, but the man called him back with a waver in his voice. "Sir?"

"What?"

"And the turtle?" The man asked slowly.

"The turtle is dead. Leave the body there for now. There has been a change of plans. We will not wait for the turtles to come to us. Tonight I shall take the freak's body and seek out the turtles myself."

* * *

 **And just a reminder of what I said at the beginning: I have entered this story into a FanFiction competition on Inkitt. And here is the link if you want to vote for it: *Note that** dot **= . and** forward-slash **= /**

 **www** dot **inkitt** dot **com** forward-slash **stories** forward-slash **54410**

* * *

 **ALSO! This is not the end of the story! I'm planning for it to have two more chapters! And because I've been working so much on it anyway, I hope to have those two chapters out before the 20** **th** **of January! (And hopefully even sooner than that!)**

 **Review Please! How was it?**


	17. Seeing Red

**Well, I said I'd get the next chapter up soon and doggone it, I did! HAHA! YAY!**

* * *

 **Ch. 17-Seeing Red**

Red. All that Leonardo could see was red. For the umpteenth time in their lives, he cursed his brother for favoring the same color as blood. Splashes of it were everywhere.

During moments like this Leo hated being an expert tracker. He could see every movement through the scrapes and the blood trails. He had a clear picture of every wound as it was inflicted. He could see his little brother, Raphael, scrambling to shrink back as Shredder slashed repeatedly into his sides. Leo was plagued by images of Raphael, with no protection, no escape, and all alone.

Leonardo fell to his knees. His fingertips brushed over a stain he was certain had been a pool of his brother's blood. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. His shoulders shook as he tried to silence his sobs. It was the first time he had ever broken under pressure. He could feel his brothers coming closer. He could sense that they, too, had tears in their eyes. He knew that they needed him more than ever. He knew that they needed him to be strong, but how could he stay strong knowing that he was reason all of this had occurred? He was the one who'd sent Raph away, the one who'd gotten his little brother into this mess.

For the first time in years, Leonardo allowed his composure to crumble. As the tears ran freely down his cheeks all he could think of was Raphael, his little brother, his best friend, his playmate.

Someone put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed softly. Slowly, his head turned. The eyes that offered him comfort were dark, echoing Leo's own pain. But Casey Jones stood with his head held high, his lips pressed into a tight, thin line. An image of Raphael bearing a similar expression flashed in front of Leo's eyes.

Casey's hand slid off Leo's shoulder but remained outstretched in front of the turtle as he spoke, their eye contact never faltering. "We can't give up now." He said resolutely.

As Casey spoke, Leo was once again reminded of Raphael. _Raph keeps me going_. He realized. _All of them do. Without them, I am nothing_. _I need them…all of them._

 _Casey's right. We can't give up. We have to get Raph back._

Leo took the offered hand and gripped it tightly. Their gazes remained locked for a few more moments as the wall of distrust that had divided them up to this point came crumbling down. The leader turned to his brothers and, as Casey's determination fueled his confidence, Leo made them a promise. "We'll find him." He said quietly. Then he reaffirmed a little louder, "We'll find him and bring him home."

Slowly, the eldest turtle looked down into the eyes of his father. Splinter nodded, his eyes offering Leo the comfort and reassurance that he desperately sought. With a return nod, Leo set himself back into leader mode.

He crossed to the other side of the roof and noted all the telltale signs. "This," he waved to the ground just in front of him, "is where Raph fell. He was trying to get away, but Shredder kept at him. He was hit once," Leo pointed to the multiple stains as he spoke, "twice, three times, at least."

Donnie shifted uncomfortably and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Leo, assuming all of that blood is Raph's, there's a high probability that he—"

Leo frowned and shook his head. "No, he's alive Don. He has to be."

Donatello pursed his lips and frowned at Leonardo. Denial wasn't going to get them anywhere. Much as he wanted to believe that his brother was alive, the logical, practical voice in his head was telling him that the chances were slim. Still, if anyone could survive losing that much blood, it was Raph.

The brainiac slowly glanced over at Michelangelo. Mikey's cheerful demeanor was completely absent. His blue eyes were bright, a little bit too bright, and his muscles were rigid. Don's nose crinkled with concern. He reached out slowly. "Mikey?"

Michelangelo didn't respond right away. In fact, his didn't respond at all, he simply kept staring at the bloodstains.

Donatello's frown only darkened. "Mikey, I think you need to sit this one out." He said as he grabbed Mikey by the shoulders and started steering him away.

Leo slowly turned to look at Mikey with concern. "Maybe you should take Mikey back to the lair."

"No." Mikey protested, glaring up at his older brothers. "I'm not a baby. I can take it."

With a stern face Leo opened his mouth to protest, but Mikey cut him off.

"I'm staying Leo. I have to help you find Raph. After all, it looks like he's going to need all the help he can get." Mikey said with a wan little grin.

After a short period of consideration, Leo stepped closer, peering directly down into Mikey's eyes and nodding. Concerned as he was about Mikey, saving Raphael was top priority. And as Mikey had just noted, it wasn't going to be easy. They would have to use all of their strengths to get out of this one alive with Raphael in tow. Right now they needed to find out where Shredder was keeping Raph. They'd wasted enough time already. With a grunt, Leo turned back to the task at hand.

Slowly, Leo followed the blood trail that led across the roof. He pointed it out to the others. "This is from Shredder dragging Raphael off."

Splinter hummed and lowered his eyes. Casey and the turtles all turned in the old rat's direction. Slowly, he spoke. "Shredder would have no reason to take your brother if he was not still alive."

That lifted a weight from Leo's chest. "So at least we know that Raphael isn't dead."

"More accurately, we know that he wasn't dead when Shredder dragged him away." Don amended absently.

Leonardo sent the genius a pained look and Donnie immediately closed his mouth, his eyes going wide with horror as he realized the gravity behind the correction he had just made.

Sensei's tail twitched and he cleared his throat, drawing their attention back to him. "Assuming your brother was alive, it is more than likely that Shredder has since tried to make him talk."

Leo's hands clenched into fists as he understood the implications of his father's sentence. "You mean Shredder could be…torturing him?"

"Yes, my son. I am afraid that is exactly what I mean."

"Guys!" April called, making them all look up. The reporter had found some scuffmarks on the rooftop that seemed rather out of place. While examining them in further detail, she saw something she hadn't expected to see: one of Raphael's sais. It was embedded in the roof, rammed point-down into a concrete seam so that it was standing upright. April was about to yank it out, but she withdrew when she realized there was something odd.

Leo, Donnie, Mikey and Casey crowded around April, practically smothering her as they struggled to see what she had found. Leonardo's eyes narrowed, while Mikey's widened. Donnie shoved the two of them aside roughly as he carefully scrutinized the weapon using his various goggles and scanners. "There's something attached to it." He said softly.

Leo drew back, one of his hands rising to grip the handle of his katana. "Is is dangerous? An explosive?"

Donnie shook his head. "I don't think so. I'm not getting any unusual readings. My scans indicate…" Everyone stared as Donatello paused and left them in suspense.

"Donatello?" Sensei asked softly.

"It's a voice recorder. Standard store bought model. Basically a modernized version of a tape recorder, so it's rather an unusual thing for someone to have, since most cell phones have a recorder function."

Casey frowned. "So, it's got some kind of message on it or something?"

The brainiac frowned. "Only one way to find out." Donatello tentatively reached out to remove the device. He jumped, nearly having a heart attack when Mikey's hand suddenly latched onto his wrist and pulled him back.

"Donnie, are you sure we should do that?"

Leonardo frowned sternly and tried to reason with the youngest. "Mikey we have to. It could be some kind of clue as to where Raph is."

"What kind of villain would give us a clue?" Mikey asked.

"One who enjoys watching us dance around in circles." Don answered dryly.

"I don't like this any more than you guys do. But I'm gonna do whatever it takes to find Raph." Casey said, moving to grab the little recording device, but he blinked as he saw that April already had it in her hand.

"You guys talk too much." She stated evenly as she turned it on.

Casey loomed over her shoulder to see the screen. "There's only one recording. From a couple hours ago."

They all exchanged glances and fidgeted nervously for a few moments before Leo ordered in a mere whisper, "Play it."

April did. Everyone leaned forward, each passing second of silence fueling their anxiety.

Leonardo's skin began to crawl when a dark, sickening chuckle boomed out from the little recording device. The words that followed only allowed uneasiness to bloom in his chest, its tendrils wrapping languidly around his heart.

"The drug will eventually coax out your innermost fears. All I have to do is wait."

"Why?" A weak, tortured voice asked.

"Raphie!" Mikey exclaimed, breaking the spell they were in, reminding the others that they needed to breathe. The youngest leaned forward childishly, as if being closer to the voice recorder meant being closer to their missing sibling.

"Mikey, what are you—"

Leo put a finger to his lips, quieting them just in time to hear Shredder's answer.

"I will use them to break you. Your brothers and father will come. They will be too late, of course, but I'm sure they'd appreciate knowing how long it had taken for your inner demons to consume you."

Splinter glared at what Shredder said. He noticed that all three of his other sons had gone pale, staring at the device in April's hand with unseeing eyes. The old rat bowed his head, cautiously reaching out to put his hands on their shoulders. Donatello and Michelangelo immediately leaned into his embrace, even going so far as to cuddle closer to him for support. But Leonardo remained resolute, solitary, a tall sentinel with his head held high, silhouetted against the midnight skies.

"You'll never break me." Raph said. His voice sounded strained. Shortly after, there was a pained whimper, followed by another.

There were tears in Donnie's eyes and his voice sounded croaky as he said, "April turn it off."

"No." Leo objected, his eyes never leaving the player.

Before Donatello could object, Raphael's voice returned, the sheer amount of pain in it making Michelangelo sob. "Leo, please—a"

"Sh! Listen!" Leo said insistently, struggling to hear Raph's words.

"No…Leo…watch Mikey…not babysitter…no! Don't turn around! Don't! Have—to—protect—Mikey! Mikey! NO! NO! Mikey! No…"

Michelangelo pulled away from Splinter's side and stepped forward, shakily. He collapsed to his knees. His mouth was slightly open, his eyes were wide with horror and pain, and his cheeks were damp with tears. "Raphie!"

"Sh!" Leo repeated, placing a hand on Mikey's shoulder.

Raph's voice continued, rattling on, pausing only for breath. "Mikey! No! Not—no! Not dead! Please, please don't be dead! My fault, all my fault. Should have watched your back, should have seen…should have known. Should have protected you! 'S my job. Have to protect brothers."

Don frowned and shared his observation aloud with his family, "He's delirious. Probably the result of whatever drug Shredder mentioned earlier."

Leonardo nodded absently. There was a short pause where neither Shredder nor Raph said anything.

Until, Raph let out another whimper and said, "Have to protect…supposed to. Protect brothers, have to protect brothers. Die for my brothers. Can't let them die. I'm supposed to die first."

The eldest turtle gasped. Raphael didn't really think that, did he? His thoughts reeled around that revelation for a few moments. What was Raph thinking of? Shredder had said this drug would bring out Raph's greatest fears. So was one of Raph's fears failing to protect them?

Leo was snapped out of his musing when Raphael's voice went on to mutter, "Always in the Hashi 'cause of you." That was very similar to something he had said to Raph in the past. "So stupid…Leo's better." That made him choke on a sob and he coughed. _Raph no…don't ever think that._ "Control your temper…always hurt them…hurt them all the time…a horrible brother…"

"No!" Don yelled, surprising all of them. He turned to Leo desperately. "Please Leo, turn it off. I can't stand hearing this!"

Lowering his eyes Leo shook his head. "I'm sorry, Donnie. We have to listen to the whole thing. There might be something in it that could tell us where Raph is."

"Shredder sent us this to break out spirits Leo!" Don argued with tears in his eyes.

Again, Leo shook his head from side to side. "We don't know that for sure. The only way to find out is by listening to this thing all the way through. If you can't take it, you're free to step away for the time being."

Mikey and Donnie looked at each other, both of them struggling with the pain of what they were hearing, yet at the same time, both reluctant to leave. In the end, they knelt side by side reassuring each other as Raph's voice went on.

"Disappointed…going to get us all killed…Leo!"

Leo looked up, Raphael's call of his name sounding so clear that for a moment he had fancied Raph was here beside him. He didn't like the ominous silence that followed Raph's call of his name.

"Leo! Please…don't say that! No, no, Leo, please! No…I didn't betray you. I didn't!" A stressed grunt preceded his next, slightly muffled words, "Would never betray family. Never betray you guys."

Bile rose in the back of Leonardo's throat at Raph's words. The insinuation that Raphael had betrayed their family undoubtedly came from what he'd yelled at Raph during their fight. Tears came to his eyes. _I know Raphael. I know that you would never, ever betray us. I'm so sorry. All of this is my fault. I was so stupid. I just hope with all my heart that after we get you back and you heal up, that you'll find some room in that big heart of yours to forgive me for what I've done. And if you can't…Then I will understand. I love you, little brother. Hang in there for me. We're coming._

"No…can't let them down…Can't break…have to fight…but can't…not strong enough. I'm sorry. I'm not strong enough." Raph murmured, the hitch in his voice making it clear to the other turtles that he had been crying. They, too, began to cry. But then...

"Turtles." Everyone, humans and mutants, glared daggers at the machine as they once again heard Shredder's voice. "If you still value Raphael's life, meet me on the roof of the old Beekman Paper Company." The recording cut short. Mikey and Donnie glanced determinately over at Leo and he nodded. The ninja leader held out his hand and the other two turtles immediately followed his lead, adding their hands atop his. Casey pulled his hockey mask down over his face and added his hand to the mix. April looked them all in the eyes one by one before placing her hand on the pile. They all turned to Splinter expectantly.

"Steel yourselves, my children." He instructed them all gravely. "We have no idea what we shall find." They nodded. Splinter placed his hand on top of theirs.

"Let's get out brother back. For Raph." Leo said. Everyone nodded their agreement. Leo grinned a little and as they pulled their hands up and away he added, "Cowabunga!"

The roof of the Beekman Paper Company building was empty. There was no one there as the turtles, Casey, April, and Splinter circled it from above. Leo decided to take the plunge. He turned to them and said, "I'm going in."

Mikey smiled. "Lead the way, big bro."

Just seconds after they landed on the building below, Shredder emerged. "So, you came."

"Shredder! Give me back my son!" Sensei yelled.

"You're in no position to be making demands, rat!" Oroku Saki retorted, but then he pulled back a little, making all of the turtles tense with uncertainty. "But if you really want your son…" He vanished into the shadows and reappeared moments later, dragging something behind him. Shredder tossed the object at their feet.

"You bastard! What have you done to him?!" Casey screamed, rushing forward to fight Shredder head on, but getting held back by Leonardo, who had stopped him by grabbing his golf bag. Leo could tell, from the angry tears in the human's eyes, that he was too emotionally unstable to win this fight.

Shredder laughed at the pathetic hockey-masked vigilante. Then, he let the bomb drop, "I never said he was alive."

For a split second everything froze. All of sudden, they noticed that Raphael was too still, too rigid. Donatello slowly fell to his knees and felt for a pulse. As he did so, the brainiac could practically see the world he once knew, crumbling to pieces all around him. His heart was suddenly completely numb. There was no pain, no sadness, no bone-crushing grief. It was all being masked by numbness. Numbness that was slowly turning into rage. Suddenly it was no longer about mourning his murdered sibling. It was about making the one responsible for Raphael's death suffer. He stood, baring his bō staff threateningly at Shredder. "YOU! I will kill you for this!"

The they knew, Donnie was flying at Shredder, completely enraged. The meaning behind the brainiac's response slowly dawned on them and they stared in shock at the body of their loved one.

"Raphael…no…" Leo said, tears falling freely down his face.

"Raphie!" Michelangelo cried. Leo slowly turned to his youngest sibling, reaching out to comfort him. Slowly, Mikey's face changed. It changed in a manner that Leonardo had never seen before. Mikey's child-like innocence faded away, leaving behind a mature, worldly, worn face. Oh how Leo longed to wipe that look off his baby brother's face.

Mikey flung himself at Shredder, joining Donnie in the fight.

"Mikey, Donnie, no, stop! We have to make a plan!" He yelled, but they ignored him. Their anger and hurt was too great. He would be unable to control them.

Slowly, he bent down at Raphael's side, hoping that somehow Donnie had missed something. That somehow, despite what Shredder said, Raphael was alive. The longer he looked, the less likely it seemed. Raph's neck was mottled by thick, dark bruises. He had been strangled to death. His eyes were closed in a way that seemed both eerily restful, yet disturbingly vacant. The wounds in Raph's sides looked as though they had stopped bleeding some time ago, but his torso, arms and shell were covered in dried and sticky blood that had smeared or dripped down them.

Leo was momentarily distracted by a vicious battle cry and he looked up just in time to see his father leaping to his brothers' defense.

He lethargically turned back down to the body of his immediate younger brother. He turned the body over slightly so that he could see Raph's face. Fresh, hot tears came to his eyes. He pulled out the sai they had retrieved from the rooftop where Shredder had taken Raph. He placed it in his fallen brother's hand and pressed Raph's cold, stiff fingers tightly around it. One tear rolled down his face as he stood.

Leonardo turned his carapace to his brother's body, crossing the roof with his head held high even though his heart had plummeted down to the depths of his soul. He had never before felt so lost, and yet, through the eyes of the others, he had never before been as utterly inspiring as he was right now. With a yell, he charged Shredder, katanas in hand. His brothers rallied behind him, cries of their own joining his.

Shredder countered them all, pounding their plastrons, cutting and bruising their arms, and flinging them backwards. Leo landed plastron-first, losing a katana during the fall, and slid about three feet. He looked up to see his father fighting Oroku Saki with all his might. Shredder grabbed Sensei by the tail and pulled him in for a massive body punch. A series of cracks could be heard before Shredder finally tossed the mutant rodent off to the side. Leo growled and pushed himself up.

Shredder laughed. "Freak! Time to face your own extinction!"

Leo grit his teeth, raised his sword and ran at Shredder. He dodged the first blow. His katana dug into Shredder's side and the enemy howled. Leo drew back a little, his eyes darkening with satisfaction. That is, until, lashing out unexpectedly, Shredder struck him with a tremendous uppercut, which left his head spinning, followed by a chest-kick that knocked the air out of his lungs. As Shredder grabbed Leonardo's arm, he was powerless to avoid it. Shredder sent the leader of the turtles plummeting off the end of the building.

"LEO, NO!" Donnie and Mikey screamed.

For a few moments, Leonardo was flying. His bandana tails fluttered about his face as he flew carapace-first off the rooftop. When he hit the ground, everything exploded into a world of red and black. It was a world of pain that made him want to scream and cry until he couldn't cry anymore. The pain was getting the better of him. He could feel himself fading, moving away from this world.

He smiled as he saw a face he recognized.

"Raphael…"

* * *

 **Like I mentioned last chapter, I have entered this story into a fanfiction competition on Inkitt. So please go and vote for me if you like this story! This is the link:**

 **www** dot **inkitt** dot **com** forward-slash **stories** forward-slash **54410**

 ***And I wrote out the** dot **. and the** forward-slashes **/ because fanfiction doesn't like links. Sorry it is such a pain.**

 **So yeah! And thanks so much to those of you that did vote!**

* * *

 **And as for this chapter...Review Please! How was it? Reactions?**


	18. The Golden Apple

**So, this is not the last chapter. So you can expect at least one more if not two.**

* * *

 **Ch. 18-The Golden Apple**

"Raphael…"

The image of his brother faded and his eye-ridges furrowed. "No, Raph…don't leave! Don't leave me!" A sharp, ringing made him cringe with pain until, abruptly, all sensation ceased.

And then he was floating. It was like he was being carried away on a stream, lazily drifting down, down, down, down, down, down…

When his eyes opened again he was lying on his carapace. The muscles in his neck strained as he slowly tried to sit up. Strange bluish light flashed, making him blink and fall back to the ground. It was solid, and earthy. Smooth grayish-blue grasses surrounded him on all sides, filling his field of vision. Leonardo cautiously pulled himself up to a seating position, his eyes slowly adjusting to the odd radiance of his surroundings.

As the turtle pushed himself to his feet, he discovered that he was standing in the center of a meadow. Its borders were undefined, blurred like the contours in a painting.

There was no warmth in this place. The light was closely akin to that of a cloudy day, harsh, cloying frequencies that it hurt if one stared at them for too long. As eerily bright blue eyes dragged across the field of rippling grasses, Leonardo's posture straightened, his lips curling down into a frown. The chromaticity here was the main source of his discomfort. There truly was no warmth. No red, no yellow, no orange. There was only gray, with the occasional hint of blue.

Slowly, he glanced down at his hands and gasped. His skin was paler, drained to an opaque echo of his once forest-green complexion. But that wasn't what had shocked him. Leonardo had discovered that he was…undefined. He could no longer tell where his hand ended and his surroundings began. He was blurred, out-of-focus.

The sharp ringing returned, accompanied by a harsh flash of light. Leo held his arms up in front of his face, screwing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth. Then, as abruptly as it had arrived, it was gone. Leo slowly lowered his arms. He was still in the same empty field.

But it was no longer as empty as he thought.

"You aren't supposed to be here." A loud, rough voice said loudly, making Leo jump and whirl around.

He knew that voice. His eyes went wide as they beheld the thick, muscular form of his brother. "Raphael!" Leo exclaimed joyously as he rushed over to smother his sibling in a hug, but his joy was soon lost as Raphael staggered back and away from him. "Raph…?"

"You aren't supposed to be here." Raphael repeated, this time sounding pained and weary. He turned, taking a few brief paces away from Leo, before doubling back on his older sibling with anger in his eyes. "You're supposed to be protecting them! You're supposed to be keeping them safe!"

Leonardo bristled. "Don't you dare push all of that responsibility on me, Raph! I'm not the only one who's responsible for protecting this family and holding it together!" He retorted, wondering absently, not for the first time, how Raphael always managed to get him riled up at the worst times. All he had wanted was to pull his little brother into his arms and hold him close, and what does Raph do? He starts a fight! Of course he does!

Raphael growled. "Maybe not, but you're the damn leader! You should have known better!"

Leo's anger briefly lessened as it was outweighed by confusion. His eye-ridges furrowed. "What the shell are you talking about?"

"You, you goddamn motherfucker! I'm the one who fucked up, Leo! I was the one who should have paid the price! But you made a stupid decision and now you're all in danger!" He yelled, poking Leo's chest.

Leo's anger and confusion completely vanished. For the first time in his life, he could see straight through his brother's wall of anger to something deeper. He could scarcely believe what his senses were telling him. While Raphael's words conveyed one meaning, his face, tone, and inflection said something very different. Leo stared at his brother in shock. When he spoke his voice sounded hollow and absent. "Raphael, what are you saying?"

Raphael's red-mask, the only warmth in their dreary surroundings, dimmed slightly as he turned his carapace to Leonardo. His words, though whispered, hit Leo's ears like the din of a bass drum, striking a resounding chord in the older turtle's heart. "I'm saying you should have left me to die."

Bit by bit, Leo drew closer to his brother's side and once he was close enough, he reached out to place a hand on Raph's shoulder. Slowly, the red-masked turtle turned to look his brother in the eyes. Leo's blue eyes, their brightness contrasting sharply with their surroundings, stared firmly down at his younger sibling. "Never."

For a long moment they stared at each other. Then Raph's eyes darkened in that oh-so-familiar way and Leo drew back just in time to avoid a punch to the face. "You're an idiot!"

Leo's eyes narrowed with concentration as he struggled to avoid his brother's powerful punches. "Raphael, the choice wasn't—"

"Of course it wasn't! That's right, I'm not part of _your_ family anymore! You still shouldn't have let Donnie and Mikey force you into it! You're all idiots!" Raphael yelled, throwing blow after enraged blow at Leonardo.

Something inside the eldest turtle snapped at Raph's words. He caught the incoming punch, using every muscle in his body to force it to a stop. Raphael growled. Leo's lips pulled back and he shoved his sibling backwards.

Before Raph could move again, Leo tackled and pinned him to the ground. "Raphael, you once told me that you hated me. But I forgave you because we all say things we don't mean when we're angry! I was angry, Raphael! I lost my temper! I never meant to hurt you! I know that you don't really hate me, so please, little brother, can't you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Raphael stilled and for a long moment, Leo considered letting him up, but decided to wait and see how things played out. He refused to look at Leo. "I never hated you."

Raph whispered softly, making Leo's grip loosen a little as he stared.

Slowly, Raph confessed, "I hated what those swords turned you into."

Frowning, and not at all eager to plunge into yet another fight concerning his leadership, Leo repeated, "Do you forgive me?"

"Why do you live, Leo?" Raph asked. Leo opened his mouth to answer, but Raph went on before he could do so. "Because you have to be there for our brothers. Because you have to make good choices to protect them and keep them safe, to guide them and steer them out of danger. That's your job as leader. Right?" He paused, his eyes seeking confirmation.

Leo nodded, "Yes, except for one thing."

Raph raised an eye-ridge, motioning his brother to elaborate.

"I also love them, care for them, and encourage them. I try to make them the best they can be."

Raphael scoffed and Leo glared. With a bitter smile, the younger turtle muttered, "Guess that didn't work on me, huh Leo?"

"You wouldn't let me close enough."

Raph returned his big brother's glare. "No point. You'd give up eventually, just like the others. You can't reform a rotten apple."

The older sibling slowly pulled away and stood with his back to his brother. "I didn't have to."

The red-masked turtle lifted himself up on his elbows stared at the back of Leo's carapace, puzzled by the cryptic statement.

"I discovered too late that it wasn't rotten at all. All I had to do was tear away the peel. It was golden on the inside. But I, like a fool, didn't realize its value until after I'd thrown it away."

Raphael's eyes flashed. His facial expression was guarded and stiff. As Leonardo turned to face him, he searched avidly for any signs of deception or dishonesty. There were none. Slowly, he stood.

"I was terrified."

That simple admission leaving Leo's lips silenced any retort Raphael could have made. He simply stared at his older sibling in silence.

"I was terrified by the thought of losing it. I knew that its loss would destroy me. I had to get it back. Our brothers agreed with me. We looked everywhere. And when we were told it had landed in the hands of our enemy, I vowed to get it back. At any cost."

Raph lowered his head. "You should have let it go."

"I couldn't."

"It wasn't worth your sacrifice."

"Yes it was." He retorted. "We need it. It balances our family with its weight, brings us hope with its sheen, and reminds us every day that life is worth living."

Raph blinked back his tears and shook his head. "It's never been like that."

"Yes it was. We just never looked deep enough to see it. Day after day, year after year, its skin shriveled and its color faded, its surface cracked and withered, but its love, its heart, never died. The gold inside was soft and malleable, and as the years dragged on, the scars began to take their toll. The twenty-four karat center was gouged, dented, scuffed by harsh words and unspoken concerns. It deserved better." Leo paused. Tears gathered in his eyes as he whispered, "Especially from me. I will never truly be able to mend the hurt I've caused. After all, how can one be forgiven for destroying something that should have been treasured?"

"We aren't talking about apples anymore, are we?" Raph asked with a teary-eyed smirk. Leo sent him a 'no-duh' glare. His smirk faded and he frowned at his older sibling. "You didn't destroy me, Leo. You created me. You and the others molded me into what I am today. Are you saying I've become so much of a monster that you now need to apologize to me?"

"You're not a monster!" Leo's sudden volume made Raph pull back in shock. "You have to believe that, Raph! If you don't then both of our sacrifices will have been in vain! If you truly think you're a monster then we died for nothing!"

Tears ran down Raphael's cheeks, but as Leo finished yelling, he stilled, his expression going blank.

Leo's face was creased with worry. "Raph? Raph, what's wrong?"

Suddenly, Raphael's blank expression melted into one of anger and he swatted Leo's head hard. "We ain't dead you knuckle-head! Thought you'd have realized that by now!"

Leo's eyes were as wide as saucers. "We—we're not…"

"Nope. We're not." Raph confirmed with a nod.

"But how do you know?" Leo asked, awed.

Raphael shrugged. "After Shredhead left me for dead on that lab table I went in and out a couple of times. Or if ya prefer, back and forth between this spirit world, or whatever you want to call it, and the real world."

"Then, there's still a chance! We have to get back to the others, before it's too late!" Leo said, determination flaring in his eyes.

"We can't." Raph said, turning away, trying to hide his tears.

Leo gripped him by the shoulders. "Why not?"

Raph's voice cracked and he was forced to whisper. "I can't fight it anymore, Leo. I've tried. I'm not—I'm not strong enough."

The broken lilt in Raph's voice was all Leo's heart could take. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around his little brother tightly. There were tears in his own eyes as he murmured, "Maybe not on your own. But you have me, Raphael. And I promise, from now on, I will always be here. We're brothers, Raph, we always have been and we always will be. Let's fight our way out of here…as brothers." He pulled away and looked Raph in the eyes. "Maybe you will never be able to forgive me for what I did, but please, Raphael. If not for me, do it for our family, or for our friends, or for the city! Raph please…Take my hand." Leo held it out with bated breath.

Tension made both of them stiffen. Raph's mind recalled Leo's words from the past, and then at his most recent ones.

He glanced tentatively at his older brother's face, once again finding no hint of deception. Casey's words echoed through his mind: _Don't let your hurt make you do something you'll regret for the rest of your life._

Still, he hesitated. He looked down at Leo's outstretched hand, then up into the expectant, bright blue eyes. There was something else there, in those eyes, something he rarely saw: fear. Fear that Raphael might say no. Raph took a deep breath.

 _Is this really how you want this to end?_

Raph's jaw set firmly and Leonardo tensed. Keeping his face neutral he brought his right hand up slowly and gripped Leo's tightly, without hesitation. Light exploded from their joined hands and their eyes met. Raph smirked. The light spread from their hands, rippling across the field in waves, giving it color and life.

Leo laughed joyously and Raph's heart swelled. He'd made the right choice. Their gazes locked, and they could both feel themselves being pulled away from this world.

Raph smiled. "See you on the other side."

Leonardo nodded, his eyes filled with determination. "That's a promise."

* * *

Donatello, Michelangelo, Master Splinter, Casey Jones and April were all scattered across the rooftop, bearing an agonizing array of bruises, cuts, and potentially broken bones. After Shredder had thrown Leo from the building, an army of Foot soldiers had arrived and they were hopelessly outnumbered. Casey let April borrow one of his bats and the two of them were doing the best they could to hold off the Foot while Don, Mikey and Splinter went head to head with the Shredder.

"We cannot take much more of this, my sons!" Splinter yelled. "If this situation gets any worse, I need you to promise me that you will run when I say."

Donatello met his father's gaze and shook his head. "Never. We're staying with you. We have to take him down, father, for the people of this city, and…for our fallen brothers! We're seeing this battle through to the end!"

Splinter opened his mouth to object, only to have Michelangelo cut him off, "Dad, please! We can do this, but you've got to believe in us!"

The old rat surged forward and wrapped his arms around them both. "I love you both, my sons." He was gone before they could return the hug. He turned, running as quickly as he could, jumping headlong into battle with the Shredder.

Don and Mikey both frowned as Splinter pulled away, but by the time they realized what their father was doing, it was too late to stop him. "DAD!"

Donnie grit his teeth, raised his bō and intervened just in time to stop Shredder from landing a deadly blow to his mutant father. Mikey joined in seconds after and the three of them battled furiously.

Casey took out three Foot with one swing of his hockey stick and cried gleefully. "I just can't get enough of these guys!"

April cleared her throat, making the hockey-masked wearing vigilante turn in time to see a Foot collapse directly behind him. Due to her mad batting skills, no doubt. "I'm sure you will eventually." She said calmly.

Casey smiled and shook his head. "Not a chance, babe." He saw three more Foot coming up from behind her. "Tag out."

She just rolled her eyes. He truly was incorrigible. They swapped places with practiced ease, each taking down a couple of Foot along the way.

* * *

Unbeknownst to them, not far away, two pairs of eyes snapped open simultaneously.

* * *

 **Like I mentioned last chapter, I have entered this story into a fanfiction competition on Inkitt. So please go and vote for me if you like this story! This is the link:**

 **www** dot **inkitt** dot **com** forward-slash **stories** forward-slash **54410**

 ***And I wrote out the** dot **. and the** forward-slashes **/ because fanfiction doesn't like links. Sorry it is such a pain.**

 **So yeah! And thanks so much to those of you that did vote!**

 **Well, how was it? Review Please!**


	19. The Fall

**So here we are, at the final chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Ch. 19-The Fall**

The first thing he felt was the pain. Pain, pain, pain. Waves and waves of searing pain. He was in agony.

Every breath was a battle. Even the air was cold and unforgiving as every inhale burned his throat and set fire to his chest. His eyelids snapped open and he glanced dazedly around. _What happ—oh yeah_. Shredder had thrown him off the side of the building. It seemed like the impact had made a small crater in the sidewalk.

Leo grit his teeth. His fingers dug heavily into the cracks in the cement as he pushed himself up. His body ached and his head spun. He could hear his heartbeat thumping noisily in his ears. In fact, he heard very little else. Just a dull, ringing whine. He recoiled instinctively as a voice sudden cut through the white noise.

"You'll pay for what you did to Leo and Raph!"

Raph! Where was Raph? Leo thought, suddenly too frantic to think of anything other than his younger sibling. Despite his body's protest, he stood, straining his neck to look up at the roof above. He straightened and finally looked over alley directly across from him. A fire escape. Leo's bright blue eyes narrowed with renewed determination.

Once he was on the roof he approached the battle from the side. A low cloud had rolled in and surrounded the building with a layer of fog. It was so thick that as Leo looked back over his shoulder, he could no longer see the ground below. The blue-masked turtle ducked over to the side and assessed the situation. His brothers and father were barely holding their own. They all bore dark bruises and light wounds. From the looks of things, they wouldn't be able to last much longer.

Shredder flung Michelangelo backwards and the youngest landed with a thud. He stood slowly, cradling his arm weakly, his eyes brimming with pain. Splinter and Donnie instinctively drew closer to shield Mikey as Shredder's blade flashed. Shredder laughed deeply, the guttural sound making all of them shudder. "Fools. You cannot defeat me!"

Leo slunk out of the shadows, scooping his katana up off the roof as he went. "Maybe not alone. But they aren't alone."

Shredder whirled around to face him and growled.

"Leo!" The others exclaimed with joy and relief.

Leo kept his attention fixed on Shredder. The leader of the Foot Clan glared at the turtle. "I'm finding you turtles very hard to dispose of."

"You'll never beat us, Shredder. As long as we're together," Leo shot a brief smile in his brothers' direction, "we can do anything." He gave the others a signal and they all charged at once, landing several good hits to Shredder's sides.

With a cry of indignation, Shredder held his ground. "You will all share your brother's fate!" He shouted as he threw them all back a couple of feet.

Something behind Shredder caught Leo's eye. Raph's body. Leo smirked as his sharp vision detected the way Raph's hand tightened around the sai that had been placed there earlier. He turned to his brothers and father. "Don't give up! One more time! Together!"

They all nodded and with a tremendous leap, simultaneously engaged the Shredder. "Donnie!" Leo shouted as he shielded his little brother from what would have been a deadly blow. He struggled as his katana locked with Shredder's gauntlet blades. Shredder pressed him back and down until he was practically on his knees.

"You cannot overpower me!"

Leo smiled as Shredder pushed him back even further. "I wasn't trying to."

Shredder's eyes went wide. The polished steel of Raph's sai, dripping red with blood, glinted ominously as the hothead yanked it out.

Donnie and Mikey didn't believe their eyes and were too shocked to do anything other than stand there with their mouths hanging open.

Leo sighed with relief at his brother's perfect timing. But his relief evaporated as Shredder struck out against Raphael. In a flurry of movement, Raphael and Shredder drew closer and closer to the edge. Leo shot forward, but by then it was too late. Raph grabbed hold of Shredder's arm and managed to throw the Foot leader off the building, accidentally losing his footing in the process. Raph tumbled over the edge as well and used his sai to catch himself before he fell very far. But his grip was starting to falter. He watched Shredder vanish in the sea of fog as the Foot leader plummeted down to his ultimate demise with a long, echoing cry of defeat. The rest of the Foot made a hasty retreat as they realized their leader had been lost.

Leo sprung forward and leaned down, offering his hand.

Raphael shook his head even though he knew he was slipping. "No Leo. I'll drag you down, too."

"Trust me." Leo pleaded, extending his hand further.

Raph hesitated, doubt flickering in his eyes.

The eldest turtle blinked back tears. "I already lost you once and I am not going to lose you again! So you better give me your fucking hand, or I'll jump down there and grab it!"

Raphael smiled and slowly lifted his hand towards Leo's, both of them straining to reach. Their fingers met, brushing together softly, but before Leonardo could reinforce his grip, a metal-clad gauntlet vaulted out of the foggy abyss, gripping Raphael's ankle tightly and yanking him down.

"Raph!" Leo exclaimed as his brother was pulled from his grasp.

"Leo!" Raph's scream echoed off the walls tauntingly as he fell.

Leonardo lunged forward, propelling himself over the building's edge, Mikey and Donnie, their instincts true to form, shot forward and caught his legs just in time. Unfortunately, Leo's effort was futile. "Raph!" He called desperately as his brother disappeared through the veil of fog that blocked their view of the street below. They all flinched as a sickening thud could be heard through the still, early morning air.

Leo was the first to spring into action. He sprinted across the roof to the other side of the building, where there was a drainage pipe leading down to the gutter. He swung off the building and gripped it tightly, sliding rapidly down to the street below. Of course, drainage pipes aren't built to sustain the weight of a mutant turtle. The pipe buckled when Leo was still about two stories up and the collapse sent him sprawling out on the pavement. He shook off the pain and ignored the fact that the pipe had peeled the skin off his palms. He jumped to his feet and vaguely thought he could hear his brothers calling to him from the roof above, but he paid them no heed. The only thing that mattered was Raph. He had to get to Raph.

Even as he sprinted around the building, he couldn't shake the terrible feeling that he was too late. Leo's feet slid as he swept around the corner and abruptly screeched to a halt. Raphael…no. He shook it off and rushed past Shredder's body to his brother's side. "Raphael!"

Raph lay on his side with his eyes closed, his skin pale, and his mouth slack. Leo's heart stopped. Ever so slowly, his fingers brushed Raphael's cheek, discovering that it was cool and clammy. "Raph, Raph, please!" He gripped the still form forcefully by the shoulders and shook him. "Raphael! Say something! Please, please! Speak to me!"

Leonardo's heart leapt as a low groan hit the air. Raph's lips pulled into a grimace and his nose wrinkled. His eyelids fluttered open slowly, his pupils dilating. A fleeting grin flashed across the corner of his lips, but vanished rapidly, alerting Leonardo that something was amiss. "Behind you!" He rasped.

The blue-masked turtle turned just in time, whipping out his katana and ramming it through Shredder's chest. Shredder fell onto his back, Leo's katana sticking out of him. His fingers twitched one last time and finally went limp.

Leo grit his teeth and said, "That's what happens when you mess with a turtle."

A weak chuckle made Leo smile at Raphael.

Raph grinned, though there was still pain in his eyes. "Looking sharp, big brother." Leo rolled his eyes and shook his head, the smile never leaving his face as he returned to Raph's side. Raph sighed and grumbled, "Not bad for wimp."

Leo glared good-naturedly. "Oh really? Then what would you have said, tough guy?"

Raph shrugged weakly and smirked. "From Hell's heart I stab at thee!"

Leonardo scoffed. "Hardly original." He paused and raised an eye-ridge, regarding his brother curiously. "I didn't realize you were that nerdy."

Raphael let out a deep wheezing breath and glared at his older brother. He shrugged again. "It was better than: I think he got the point."

Leo grinned and nodded, putting a hand on Raph's shoulder. "You okay?" Raphael was breathing heavily, as though he were having difficulty getting enough air.

"I'll live." Raph grunted. Just as he was about to push himself up, Donnie, Mikey, Splinter, April, and Casey came rushing around the corner.

"We're lucky this is an abandoned part of town otherwise two giant mutant turtles sitting in the middle of the street would be common knowledge by now." Casey said loudly.

They gasped as they saw Raphael and rushed over to his side.

Splinter, however, peeled away from the group and padded softly over to Shredder's body. "If it were in my power, Oroku Saki, I would have prolonged your suffering to make you atone for the pain you have brought upon my sons. But now you are dead…and I am glad."

Leo looked down at Raph as he began to chuckle. Raph's eyes lit up a little. "Good one, Dad."

A light-hearted growl left Leo's lips as he rolled his eyes. "Oh, so even Sensei's comment is more badass than mine?"

With a sigh, Raphael muttered, "You just don't get it."

Rolling his eyes, Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Donatello cut him off. "Raph, listen to me, this is really important. Can you feel your legs?"

Raph slowly nodded. "Yeah. Can move my feet." He grunted, doing so.

"I need to assess the damage to your shell caused by the fall." Don answered calmly, moving around to crouch beyond Raph's line of vision. "It's bad, but thankfully not life threatening. The cracks will take about a month to heal completely, though." Suddenly, the brainiac was right in Raph's face. The patient tried to squirm away, but Leo held him down. Raph sent a green-eyed glare at his older sibling. Leo ignored it and simply watched Donatello thoughtfully. "Keep your eyes open." Donnie muttered. Raph was about to ask why when the tech-laden turtle turned on the lights in his goggles. Raph hissed, but did his best to keep his eyes from closing. "Raph, are you dizzy or nauseous? Does your head ache at all?"

"A little. Why?"

"Mild concussion." Donnie glanced at the dirty, bloody wounds on Raph's sides and he sighed. "Raph, do you feel cold?" The turtle in question was breathing heavily. Don bent down to press his fingers to his brother's pulse point. Weak pulse. Incredibly weak. "We need to get him home, stat. He's going into shock." Don looked at Leo's hands and battered shell. "Leo's in no condition to drive." His eyes fell on Casey Jones. "Can you drive?"

"Can I drive? Yur talking to Casey Jones, champion of the toughest drag races in town!"

Donnie and Splinter lifted Raphael up and Don pressed the remote on his belt. The turtle van's lights came on and they all scurried over and piled inside. April sat next to Casey up in front giving him directions as they sped across town towards the lair. In the back, Donnie was shouting orders. He'd hooked Raph up to all kinds of monitors. Mikey was running around getting whatever Donnie needed, while Leo, who Don was too busy to treat right now, could do nothing but watch with growing anxiety.

"Mikey give me those pillows, we've got to elevate his feet!" Don looked down at Raph's pale face. "Dammit he needs blood." The brainiac began preparing the necessary equipment, about to use it on himself, but he was stopped by a furry hand.

"I will do it Donatello. You will need your strength."

Donnie nodded gratefully at his father, but before he could get the transfusion underway, the heart monitor began to screech. "Shit!" He flew to the back wall of the van. Shell, he was glad he'd made sure this van was fully equipped for situations like this.

Leo couldn't take it any more, he loomed over Donatello's shoulder. "What's happening?!"

"Myocardial Infarction."

"What?" Leo asked, completely lost.

"He's having a heart attack." Don answered calmly, too calmly for Leo's taste as he pressed the highly charged plates to his brother's plastron once again. Raph's body jolted and twisted, but still no response. "Come on Raph, fight it, you bastard!" Don yelled, losing his cool as he tried on more time.

The steady beep of the monitor returned and Don relaxed. "He's still with us. Master Splinter, he needs blood now."

Splinter nodded solemnly. After Donatello was finished inserting the equipment, the old rat watched as blood went from him to his son through the clear tubing. His other hand stroked Raphael's eye-ridge lovingly.

Leo joined his father at Raph's side. He stared distractedly at Raphael, not even realizing Donnie was wrapping his hands until the brainiac was almost done. He tried to pull away from Don's grip, but his younger brother wouldn't allow it. "Donnie…focus on Raph."

"I've done all I can for now. He'll be okay."

Leonardo sent Don an incredulous look. "You mean that?"

The smart turtle nodded and patted Leo's shoulder. "He's got a long way to go, but he'll be fine. Knowing him he'll be up and running by the end of the week." Leo still looked worried. Don sighed. "As soon as we get back to the lair, which should be in about two and a half minutes from now, judging by our current rate of travel, I'll get you and Raph all taken care of."

"Do Raph first." Leo insisted, staring straight into Donnie's eyes.

Don sighed again. "I will. Splinter will take care of Mikey's arm and I'll clean and disinfect the wounds on Raph's sides. Both of you need to have your shells wrapped tightly for at least the next week or so to make sure they heal properly and don't get infected."

Leo nodded but he was focused on Raph's face.

Finally Donatello voiced the question he'd been wanting to ask since Raph and Leo had miraculously returned from the dead. "Have you two reconciled?"

"Yes, but there's still a lot we need to talk about." The look in Leo's eyes promised it.

* * *

One month later, Casey Jones was awakened in the middle of the night by a horrible ringing, which he slowly recognized as that of his doorbell. Who the shell could be coming here at two in the morning? He growled and rolled out of bed. Stomping loudly and fussily over to the front door, he flung it open as a demonstration of his anger. His heart stopped and his eyes widened. He would have collapsed, had the figure in the doorway not jumped forward and caught him. His hands latched onto her shoulders in a vice-grip, proving that she wasn't an apparition. His fingers stroked the side of her face, brushing some stray hairs aside. "Jill…?" He asked, his voice airy and filled with wonder. Tears burned his eyes. "Jillian!" Casey Jones pulled his little sister into his arms, hugging her desperately.

She returned the hug just as fiercely, tears wetting her cheeks. "I missed you too, big brother."

Casey held her close, both of them murmuring words of apology and reveling in the other's presence. They didn't see the large, emerald-green figure lurking outside the window. He smiled at the tender scene. His work here was done. Now, he had a city to protect. The thick, bulky figure climbed up to the roof and began making his way across the city. A smile spread across his lips as he felt his brothers join him, matching him stride for stride, their strange forms outlined dimly against the dark sky.

* * *

 **So how did you like this story? Review please!**


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